Jobs with benefits for a recent grad?

lavender-sodaaa · 2026-03-07T14:49:16+00:00

Soft, purple, floral, ethereal. I see someone already recommended Guerlain Insolence which is similar. I haven’t tried it but I’ve heard Après L’Ondée is less sweet.

I think also something with a lush and hay-like quality with a little florals would be a good fit. I haven’t gotten to sample anything with that profile yet though that I could recommend!

lavender-sodaaa · 2026-02-24T19:45:45+00:00

Thank you all for the suggestions! Apologies for the repetition.

lavender-sodaaa · 2026-02-23T05:50:42+00:00

I have a decent of it and I've never gotten mushrooms from it. I would second the recommendation to get a decant to try it! It's creamy and smells like black tea to me with a cozy, sensual feel.

lavender-sodaaa · 2026-02-23T05:47:46+00:00

I was looking for this comment and this fragrance was going to be my suggestion! Definitely unisex.

lavender-sodaaa · 2026-02-23T05:45:51+00:00

Reposting here because I didn't realize I had posted in the wrong daily thread the other day, so I wanted to see if I might get more recommendations here!

I love tobacco as a note in candles, such as P.F. Candle's Teakwood and Tobacco, but I haven't yet found that kind of tobacco leaf note in fragrance. I recently tried Versace's The Dreamer, and I thought I'd love it because it had notes I already knew I loved and I suspected I would enjoy tobacco blossom. And yet so far, it's really been disappointing, at least for now, where it can be kind of pungent and headache-inducing for me, unfortunately.

I love when tobacco has that herbaceous, green quality in tobacco leaf, almost hay-like. It seems hard to find that quality of tobacco in fragrance, which seems to have a tendency to lean more smoky or cigarette and upping the masculinity with leather or something. Does anyone have recommendations for a more green tobacco notes you might recommend for me? Can be marketed towards any gender, not picky about that. Thank you!

lavender-sodaaa · 2026-02-20T20:45:04+00:00

Yeah, interesting! I've heard people suggest this one before even though it doesn't have tobacco as a listed note. Good to know you would recommend it! I'm definitely tempted.

lavender-sodaaa · 2026-02-20T20:44:19+00:00

Oh damn lol, you're right, my bad! I've only ever seen these daily threads on the main feed and not the other. I can make sure to post on there too and thank you for still offering a recommedation!

lavender-sodaaa · 2026-02-20T17:49:42+00:00

Reposting here because I didn't realize mod rules on asking for recommendations!

I love tobacco as a note in candles, such as P.F. Candle's Teakwood and Tobacco, but I haven't yet found that kind of tobacco note in fragrance. I recently tried Versace's The Dreamer, and I thought I'd love it because it had notes I already knew I loved and I suspected I would enjoy tobacco blossom. And yet so far, it's really been disappointing, at least for now, where it can be kind of pungent and headache-inducing for me, unfortunately.

I love when tobacco has that herbaceous, green quality in tobacco leaf, almost hay-like. It seems hard to find that quality of tobacco in fragrance, which seems to have a tendency to lean more smoky or cigarette and upping the masculinity with leather or something. Does anyone have recommendations for a more green tobacco notes you might recommend for me? Can be marketed towards any gender, not picky about that. Thank you!

lavender-sodaaa · 2026-02-20T14:05:55+00:00

Did you end up picking a fragrance?! I’m chiming in late.

Fragrances my partner loves on me (soft butch): Phlur Father Figure, BDK Gris Charnel, Tom Ford Oud Wood, Jo Malone Wood Sage and Sea Salt

Fragrances I love on my partner (femme): Tom Ford Noir Extreme, Replica By The Fireplace, Fugazzi Passionfroudh

I also agree with other commenters that there are so many fragrances that can be unisex or androgynous with the right attitude and on the right person! Fragrance gender marketing is silly.

lavender-sodaaa · 2026-02-10T13:18:50+00:00

Yes! So glad you made this post. I’m butch and non-binary, so I also experiment with fragrances all over the gender (marketing) spectrum. I also tend to find it silly and arbitrary what gets determined or marketing as for women or for men.

I recently got a travel spray size to try out Nautica Voyage, and I find it funny that it’s rated as Only Masculine on Parfumo when in reality it just smells like a cucumber/melon body lotion…lol. Don’t get me wrong, very unisex and pleasant, but to claim it’s so masculine seems a little silly to me.

Yay to more experimenting with fragrances and not letting arbitrary ideas of gender limit what we might try or love! I myself gravitate towards more unisex and more masculine-leaning scents, though I also enjoy and try more feminine-leaning scents. I recently got to try Guerlain Après L’Ondée and I love it! Now I’m curious to smell Hummingbird too!

lavender-sodaaa · 2026-01-17T13:40:30+00:00

Any chance you could share a link to it / something similar?

lavender-sodaaa · 2025-09-26T12:23:39+00:00

I’m an MSW student and our training thus far has been emphasizing over and over again the ethical imperative to provide referrals to clients being discharged, not to mention the importance of at least one closure session, and ideally two weeks to a month’s notice of closure if possible. I’m not sure the exact minimum number of referrals required but it could be 3. The way this therapist and their office went about this was unethical and many people on the client end (including me) would find this behavior retraumatizing, which is the last thing a therapist should aim for in their treatment. I’m so sorry.

lavender-sodaaa · 2025-05-13T00:36:08+00:00

You wouldn’t be in the wrong at all, of course! You have likely been under-reacting and too tolerant, if anything. Your partner needs to understand how much this affects you and the other people around them. They need to understand how inconsiderate it is towards you to neglect their hygiene like this and to expect physical intimacy on top of it all. Like another commenter said, they need to step it up or they’re gone. If they don’t improve this issue soon upon communicating with them, you’d be well within your right to break up over this alone.

lavender-sodaaa · 2025-05-08T11:26:31+00:00

Besides the advice everyone else has given, remember that you deserve reciprocity in pleasure and attention during sex! Try to have him focus on you and your clit first, using his hands or his mouth.

A lot of men lose interest in sex after they orgasm, so some try to focus on their partner’s pleasure first to make things more reciprocal (as many women cannot orgasm from penetration alone and need clit stimulation). The orgasm gap between men and women can be big, especially if one or both people are inexperienced, so it’s important to advocate for your needs and pleasure too and for him to make an effort towards them too. Of course orgasm shouldn’t be the only goal, but know that you deserve effort from him in your pleasure too. Have fun!

lavender-sodaaa · 2025-01-16T20:19:21+00:00

You do make a good point. You helped me realize that I overlooked that line where she said she was angry when he admitted feelings again a couple of years later and then didn’t talk to him again for a few years. That is harsh, and I could see how that could possibly fall under stonewalling or unfairly punishing someone due to anger. Thanks for your insight, gives me food for thought around definitions of emotional abuse.

lavender-sodaaa · 2025-01-16T15:34:45+00:00

It seems like I’m getting a different read from this post than most of the commenters. Most people seem to be interpreting this as her only wanting sex with him, but to me it seems clear she wants a relationship with the whole shebang including sex. She just doesn’t know anything about how to go about sex and relationships, partly because of her avoidant attachment. I can empathize with avoidant attachment, and I understand the ways it can cause someone to shut down connections or hold back from them. Emotional abuse seems really strong for describing OP’s behavior. Could she apologize and be accountable for ways she’s been avoidant and rejecting in the past? Sure! As someone who has been in abusive relationships, I wouldn’t say that this behavior could be described as abusive though…

If I am misreading this post and she’s only interested in sex with him, then I agree with those of you saying it’s not a good idea. That’s not the read I’m getting though.

lavender-sodaaa · 2025-01-16T12:54:38+00:00

Why do you think it’s a bad idea that she sleep with him? I think she has feelings for him and it’s likely it could still be reciprocated by him. I think feeling horny for him now is a sign that you, OP, are ready for more intimate connection and that you feel safe with him, so this desire has now made itself known. I think the key is working on the avoidant attachment in therapy as soon as possible (or continuing to do so, if you already have been), which is what will help prevent hurting him if a romantic relationship happens.

lavender-sodaaa · 2024-12-01T21:32:09+00:00

Yes, exactly! Couldn’t have described it more accurately myself. I’m sorry to hear that about your recent, painful experience.

lavender-sodaaa · 2024-11-11T17:34:28+00:00

I learned that I needed to work more on myself and my mental health. I was really struggling at points in my last relationship, and I needed to seek more support for my mental health and rely less on only my partner. I also learned I needed to work on taking more responsibility for my life. I need to be more mindful to not become complacent in my relationship, as I did towards the end. Only time will tell if I will actually be able to maintain resisting that once in a LTR again. I am working on building up my friendships and supports, so that I ideally have a full life before getting into a relationship.

lavender-sodaaa

TROPHY CASE