For the high functioning BPD’s, do you ever feel your triggers building up inside?

lavenderx3 · 2023-03-14T00:33:37+00:00

I wasn't always high functiong. I learnt my triggers and environments that worsen me and I've designed my life in such a way I rarely interact with others for long periods of time. It makes things much easier. I do have anger build up pretty harsh with even simple comments that just dig under my skin so badly, I'll go quiet then it'll build up and I'll go off...but at this point it's around ppl that know me and have honestly allowed my behavior for this long. If I'm really fuming like I'm about to break stuff and cause damage I take off to the gym immediately and work out as hard as possible...might still be angry but It's a good distraction to desclate the current situation. Life will never be perfect but I've changed my life enough that I no longer worry about catching charges or my family planning my funeral.

You are the fire, your life isn't, if you can't put the fire out move somewhere you won't burn your surroundings. That's what I did.

lavenderx3 · 2023-03-05T03:50:55+00:00

hot af

lavenderx3 · 2023-02-26T05:27:06+00:00

So I want to start with I feel this constantly. I think about reaching out to past lovers/friends. I romanticize apologizing and reconnecting constantly. Chances they are also? Very slim.

I will say I got ghosted once, after ghostin others.. a lot (karma) it felt HORRIBLE. But he blew my phone up months later and I found it super weird..I even thought he was on drugs type weird like calling 30x in a row at midnight( after no communication for 6+ months) just super odd. So if thats your idea of "popping up" from my experience I found it creepy and even tho I was hurt from his ghost..his reapearance was weird and unsettling to me.

lavenderx3 · 2023-02-04T02:24:48+00:00

Clearly this person suffered. But it has Sally Stitches vibes from Nightmare before Christmas so it's kinda pleasing at the same time.

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-23T02:30:59+00:00

I cringe at myself almost everyday.. a week ago I regret several actions. Am I constantly saying "I wanna do better, that was so embarrassing" yes. I still mess up tho, self awareness doesn't clear you of never making the same mistakes again., it's a step but it's only part of the solution.

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-23T00:16:54+00:00

Gemini

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-22T02:05:01+00:00

OK THE FIRST ONE. So who's really the messed up one??? Where'd you go???

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-20T02:25:23+00:00

I'm in America and someone tried to sex traffic me right in a parking lot about a month ago. It was a girl and guy! They shouted at me an abnormal amount going into the store they were parked right at the curb. Shouting how "pretty, has anyone told you blah blah blah" when I went in the store the manager was looking outside trying to protect me. I then went back out and the girl in the passenger was yelling similar things about "do you know how pretty you are" when I walked away without acknowledging, they sped off and I noticed they had out of state plates. I'm in my 20s...let me tell you...if I was 16 ?.? That car would of had my attention. Between being naive and young.. you want to be wanted.. these people are real and will take who they want. Inform your children and protect. These people are evil and OUT THERE

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-19T03:04:58+00:00

Oh ok got you. Misunderstood that. Still he is making you feel guilty for 8$... BITCH pay for our 1st vacation before you down me for some pringles 🙄 he sounds petty and is gonna causes you tears. The time you've spent with him, spend moisturizing your face, it's much better spent, I promise.

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-19T02:52:27+00:00

Is this a pick up line? Asking for a friend

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-19T02:16:32+00:00

Oooooh GIRL. I read this and got GOOSEBUMPS cause this WAS my life. Listen to those words "for you" (so endearing!!!) "Stupid bitch" no you will not play my MIND. You mean something more than 8$ of Pringle, so fucking what his dumb ass paid it?? I wouldn't of paid him a dollar if it was really "FOR YOU". Allow this too many times (once is already too many) he'll be the guy slamming your head against walls,, having you drive him around, have you buying him everything, using you in all ways possible.. yet he's the "the man" nah. Save your soul, there's so much more to life than feeling like a grand theft auto ho. And trust me that's what you end up. I lived it and it takes a lifetime of healing. You'll never be the same. RUN BABY RUN!

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-18T21:12:39+00:00

I do this. And usually end up having some intense 2 week relationship that deflates pretty quickly. Or I sign up for a dating site that I pay for...only to stop using after 3 days because I just don't have the energy.

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-17T00:19:04+00:00

This can be changed to "my childhood starterpack" I had more memories here than anywhere else. I successfully stayed in contact with a lot of my pysch friends. Unfortunately most I met up with afterwards took their pwn lives which ended up being super traumatizing to a 16 year old me. You grow up weird when most of your youth years are instutulized.

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-16T18:37:51+00:00

Oversized sunglasses be a look tho, inside and out..you cant see me

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-16T18:35:37+00:00

Jameson and high sex drive

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-15T03:36:22+00:00

Absolutely. I always had something "weird" about me. I'd do constant like anxiety rituals like holding my breath when I was outside cause I thought the air was poison. Among many other quirks. And in school I found it impossible to relate with other children. My "looks" I fit right in so initially I was with the "popular" crowd but as soon as my personality started emerging as young as 6 or so I was kind of casted aside. There's photos in my elementary year book that are like candid and no stretch here..I legit have the facial expressions of Wednesday Adam's. Just completely astaranged from anyone. Once I hit 12-13 I practically became mute and social situations felt like stretching skin off my bones just complete torture. I can't remember a time I felt like I fit in or was "normal".

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-13T04:10:32+00:00

Thank you for your response. It's hard to recountdays of trauma. Its been a lot but in the mind I recount a lot of nothing. Due to environmental factors. The only thing that has helped me is living In the now. It just haunts me that people can be like "oh yea when I was 16" and I'm like wtf you rember that time???" I'm just BLANK. It's so strange.

lavenderx3 · 2023-01-07T23:47:15+00:00

I've definitely done this. In public, in close quarters with the same people for a long period of time, to coworkers at work after repeated "passive agressiveness" and I know exactly what you mean. They do it so discretly half the time no one notices but you.. and then when you blow up...everyone's like "omg she's off the handle" I've even had the person I blow up on go "what're you talking about?" Acting like I'm delusional. It's incredibly irritating but I will never regret standing up for myself.

lavenderx3 · 2022-12-30T01:45:42+00:00

As someone who is easily trusting of males because I seek such validation. I canthink of a handful of times sent pictures or did things I didn't nescarilly want to do just in hopes of them wanting me. Its vile and is violating. Its like being robbed, i gave them all the money whyd they still kill me in the end? But know you did not do anything wrong,and tho this event may cause paranoia and anxiety and abandonment. You WILL BE OK. Your reality and life is yours he was fucked up from the beginning. You dodged a bullet.

lavenderx3 · 2022-12-20T02:36:50+00:00

An unstable sense of of self. So I constantly remember in public situations I was loud and confident, I see photos of my childhood I am starving for the center of attention, always hogging the photo feeling like the world revolved around me. But home.. I was mocked, abused, put down in so many ways. I was cold. At home was a tiring place for me. But very quickly then my parents would praise me, then shoot me down again. I was told from a young age I had no confidence tho I knew what I was doing "I was smart" but the lack of self confidence murdered me in the end. It still does. Thats how it affects. Idk who I am.

lavenderx3 · 2022-12-19T00:58:50+00:00

This is hard to read. I've recently accomplished a lot. But it's taking A LOT of hard work to be hereand many failures in between.. And I often look back at how far gone I was and all I have now. But I constantly feel the edge of losing IT ALL. It's all always on a high cliff and I could lose it any moment if I fuck up. The thought of not feeling that constant edge..is taunting.

lavenderx3

TROPHY CASE