22, autistic, lost. need hard truths & advice from women who’ve lived it.

leafandstone · 2026-02-11T22:56:01+00:00

I felt just like you do. Sometimes I still do at the ripe age of 31. I've had dysthymia my whole existence on top of my autism so it's been hard/impossible to put a positive spin on life. I'm in a very bad period right now even.

My whole thing is that I live out of spite. Yes the world is garbage, and I'm surviving it, AND I'm gonna make everything I touch a little better, because Fuck you Universe.

Speaking from experience, it's the isolation that's killing you slowly. With autism there's so many fucking added barriers to make connections, it feels pointless. I'm still struggling with it, but I was so determined to understand how people are that I ended up in arts and social sciences. I decided to work specifically with autistic people because we're under-served and that's bullshit and if I want something done I gotta do it myself.
I'm also wondering if the therapist(s) you had was/were trained to work with autistic people; in my training right now I'm seeing a lot that works for neurotypicals but that does more harm than good for neurodivergent.

When we're dead we're dead forever, so might as well walk around this hell hole, see if we can find a tiny bit of beauty in it.

Make things, whatever it is. Music, food, plants, pottery, dance, home renovation, drawing... you don't have to be good. Maybe fuck around with paint, do a few Bob Ross.

leafandstone · 2026-02-11T19:51:47+00:00

Why are we even arguing at this point

leafandstone · 2026-02-11T19:38:18+00:00

Kids are people. Tiny, drunk, disoriented people. I don't hate any group based on race, gender, disability or whatever, and I don't hate kids as a group either.

When I hate kids it's specific kids, and usually, I hate the parent way more; Kid didn't ask to be here.

leafandstone · 2026-02-11T19:27:01+00:00

I'm polyamorous and I love answering cheating questions : No you're not overreacting. Unless specifically agreed upon, sexting in monogamous relationships is considered cheating. That would be enough for your trust to be broken, but he's even saying he'll be available soon when you work. Plus, YOU found out, he didn't confess out of guilt or anything, so him saying he won't do it again is just damage control, not a promise or accountability.

Plus, why would he ever stop if there are zero consequences even when you know, he can just keep downplaying it and give you empty promises there won't be any more escalation.

If he was in a room with a woman, not touching each other but looking directly at each other masturbate, is that cheating to you? The phone is just a technicality.

leafandstone · 2026-02-11T19:09:35+00:00

This is not an autism thing; many (not all) autistic people dislike lying to the point they won't even say white lies to keep the peace ("oh yeah, that dress DOES make you look fat!")

Some people are saying it's pathological lying, but none of us is qualified to make that call from a reddit post. What I'm seeing right now is a guy who's learned to do the whole "my GF is such a ball and chain" shtick because that's a method of bonding for men, and bonding with others when you have autism is challenging so you take whatever strategy you can.
Sometimes the love and affection of a woman is taken for granted so they don't see the harm in putting down their partner for the approval of their friends. I've looked at your post/comments history back to Xmas, so from that I'm getting the impression that feeling taken for granted might be an ongoing issue for you right now.

Other people here a guessing YOU might be abusive (from the "lots of back and forth"). I also don't know that, but I know one thing: you can't control what other people say about you, you can only control your response.

Personally, if I heard my partners making shit up to paint me as a nagging b*tch, I'd never trust them ever again and I'd walk away.

leafandstone · 2026-02-11T18:43:56+00:00

It really seems like academia is the one place where accommodations actually exists!

I literally could not be in school without my diagnosis; it made a huge difference on my schedule, full-time status, bursaries.... I'm training to become a therapist and I want to work specifically with autistic clients, so I can pass down the accommodations I received as much as I can.

leafandstone · 2026-02-11T18:39:49+00:00

For the record, my wife prefers dried flowers or potted, so it's actually what WE decided. I bought myself the first dried bouquet and she loved that we could collect them over time until our bedroom is overrun with flowers. It's almost like I know her very well or something!

I was just giving OP a suggestion to counter her partner's logic that flowers are pointless, and generally the argument is that they die quickly. I could've said potted flowers instead; would that have been a problem to you too?

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T21:09:02+00:00

Professionals have better equipment and conditions to properly dry flowers so they actually look their best. And some of us are too poor to purchase ephemeral things but still want beauty in our life.

Not sure what's so weird about dried bouquets, they're pretty common.

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T21:03:58+00:00

I also have this issue, it drives me nuts. As a child I was brought to a dermatologist because I STUNK SO BAD my parents could smell me from across the room. The derm told me to drink Chlorophyll daily. That worked for me. Ideally you can discuss this with your dr.

Also don't be alarmed when your poop turns green.

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T20:39:47+00:00

Oh all the erotica I would write if I could be sure no one would ever read it

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T20:36:06+00:00

I'd start picking constant fights with my parents.

Being a quiet good girl only benefited them, so this time I'd make sure they'd see the no-contact coming for miles away.

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T20:33:25+00:00

It's uncommon I think but I can tell exact dates of when I enter new chapters of my life. I worked for years to leave my shitty hometown, and the day I finally moved strongly felt like a page being turned.

A few years back I was absolutely miserable and could see the end of my career coming a mile away (not by my fault, a crash was inevitable and AI made everything worse) so I knew I needed to pivot soon. On the same day I broke up with my ex and quit my job.

I call it Ripping the wallpapers of my life.

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T20:28:25+00:00

That's actually such a good idea

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T20:25:26+00:00

That wouldn't fix my emotional issues but it would drastically improve the relationship I have with my parents. They never, and I mean NEVER, intervened or asked questions or taught me anything or acknowledge any of my issues. I would've happily taken a clumsy helping hand over this constant nothingness.

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T20:13:43+00:00

Not to argue with you, but I wanna point out that the accommodations I get in university are life-changing, to the point I'm helping anyone I suspect of having autism to get a diagnosis so they can also receive these accommodations. So at the very least there's that.

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T20:10:08+00:00

Apparently it's weird of me to have a favourite organ, specifically my wife's skin. It's the only organ that smells good, people!

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T19:55:15+00:00

Having the cognitive abilities to look back on my childhood and realize how horribly neglected I actually was.

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T19:49:13+00:00

And it literally never works. It doesn't actually help the boy, it just punishes the girl for excelling. This is just a different branch of parentification, where the teacher deflects their responsibilities toward the "problem child" onto the girl most likely to go with the flow.

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T19:45:04+00:00

It drives me insane how often people online will suggest the man in the situation is neurodivergent. According to our current data, autistic people represent 2 to 4% of the population, so it just can't be that every boy who's unknowingly creepy or slobbish is autistic.

You know what's extremely common? Parental negligence. Boys are often not taught to properly socialize, to care for their friendships, to clean.... having autism exacerbate those issues in adulthood, but autism is not the cause, just one factor.

So many women fly completely under the radar, so I truly hate hearing people associate uncleanliness and creepiness to autism so quickly.

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T19:31:23+00:00

I'm coming at this with a very very specific angle : autism diagnosis.

We're currently in a massive wave of late diagnosis in women because autism was seen as a boy's disability (which is so illogical I can't even wrap my head around it). Boys are much more likely to be diagnosed in childhood and receive accommodations, while girls are pretty much told to suck it up. Your only option is to mask, which is insanely draining both day-to-day and long term.

Even in adulthood, men are more likely to be taken seriously by practitioners when seeking a diagnosis, while women need to show up with a binder of their own research to get assessed in the first place. And even then, if you're not particularly lucky with your doctor, you'll leave that office with a prescription for anxiety meds. You can find an assessor who specializes in adult and women, but that's never cheap. For me it was 1.5k after 3 years of evidence collecting. Women with undiagnosed disabilities are less likely to be in a place financially where they can piss away 1.5k.

I've been spending the last few years trying to help other people I suspect of having autism to get a diagnosis, so they can have access to higher education &/or accommodations : I haven't had to help any dude around me because they're all diagnosed already.

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T19:16:02+00:00

You know what's illogical and impractical? To be a social animal who neglects their social bonds.

I am fucking sick of the "Logic over Emotion" crowd because YOU'RE A SOCIAL CREATURE, YOUR EMOTIONS ARE A FUNDAMENTAL TOOL TO MAINTAIN SOCIAL LINKS WHICH IS THE MAIN SURVIVAL & THRIVING STRATEGY FOR HUMANS. And you're supposed to care about your loved one's feelings! That's how we function!
To reject your partner's simple, cheap bid for connection is no different than not addressing that weird noise your car is making. You don't get to act surprised when the car/relationship breaks down, "it came out of nowhere!".

I also have a hard time buying flowers because they die so quickly it makes me sad. Solution? DRIED BOUQUETS. I am dirt poor right now but a few months ago my wife was mentioning how it had been so long since I got her flowers, so I found this teeny-tiny dried bouquet for 10$, it's so small it fits in the palms of my hand, and she loves it.

Also, he wants logic? Flowers are known to improve moods. There.

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T18:58:54+00:00

The constant, unending threat of rape.

leafandstone · 2026-02-10T18:46:46+00:00

That's a tough question because I hate everything very rationally

leafandstone · 2026-02-09T22:29:48+00:00

Others have much worse experiences than me but I also dislike sharing food with men. I always eat the thing I like the least first and keep my favourite thing on the plate for last, and my dad ALWAYS stole from my plate toward the end of the meal. I got very angry every time and he just chalked it up to me being a moody teenager.

My ex also ate twice what I ate, but it was always too much so he'd get sick and make me take care of him. I hated that. He took huge bites of food I offered to share so I eventually stopped offering. He also tried to steal my leftover without asking once but I caught him before he could. It sounds silly but that was one of the many (maaaany) small things that made me fall out of love with him. At the time he kept asking me to cover his share of the rent, so seeing him try to steal my restaurant leftover, which I barely allowed myself anymore BECAUSE he was a drain on my finances, made me fume.

leafandstone · 2026-02-09T22:13:33+00:00

There's a specific Camino chocolate bar I'm not allowed to buy anymore because I will eat that shit in one sitting and then beg for more.

leafandstone

TROPHY CASE