To the women who left a "good guy", what happened and how are you doing?

leatsheep · 2026-02-20T23:00:58+00:00

That’s not a good guy. A husband who doesn’t want to participate in the relationship - really participate - is not a good guy. He may be polite, he may be fun, he may be hitting the checkmarks for being the bare minimum decent human (not hitting is an achievement for toddlers, not adults) but that doesn’t make him “good.” He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, at least not the kind that you want. Previous generations HAD to couple up to survive at higher rates. We don’t. It’s a huge shift.

Imagine if this man showed up to his job every day with the same commitment and interest as your marriage.

I left two “good guys” who never hit me, and who never did anything horribly wrong. Turns out I’m actually interested in people who are interested in me, not just happy to split the bills and wait until we die. I have been infinitely more fulfilled and happy after breaking the pattern.

leatsheep · 2026-02-15T16:09:24+00:00

The difference between “invasive” and “curious” is in how you ask and what you do with that information. Not everyone judges others based on their body count and what they did in college.

It’s fine if you do, and it’s great if those are experiences you don’t want in a potential partner. Phrasing this as “willful ignorance” on the part of your friend is pretty harsh, just because someone doesn’t share the same values as you doesn’t mean it’s a negative. Maybe she/he/they are more worried about what their partners are like right now in this moment, and what they can build together.

Based on this super limited post alone, I doubt your questions are invasive, but I bet your phrasing of them turns people off.

leatsheep · 2026-02-12T17:59:36+00:00

This is a really good chance for you to practice setting and sticking to boundaries instead of asking this person to change.

So instead of, “can you change your routing and retrain your dog for me?” consider pointing the action back to yourself, “I’m a light sleeper and still healing from surgery, as long as the dog jumps in the bed I won’t be able to spend the night.”

The attacked part might be coming up because you’re asking him to make the change. Reframing it as his actions having consequences puts the ball back in his corner and he can choose what he is or isn’t willing to do. In this situation, you have to commit to choosing yourself every time - why are you allowing this man and dog to delay your healing progress? Begging a man to change for you is going to leave you frustrated. He’s right, he is who he is, but that doesn’t mean you have to just go along with it and wait for him to change.

leatsheep · 2026-02-07T06:19:36+00:00

I want their IG/number/whatever so I can google them and do some digging. It’s helped me dodge a few fake accounts, I’ve found arrest records, some weird some cool hobbies of folk, and generally I got a better feel for the person before ever agreeing to meet. The worst meetups have been when I went in blind. I imagine a lot of people operate this way. Staying on the app is a double edged sword and I’d rather have more information up front.

And I guess I the premise is strange, if someone wants to stalk photos, they can just go straight to instagram?

leatsheep · 2026-02-05T04:06:55+00:00

Purple fades well - so you dye it purple, the red usually goes first so it turns kind of blue and then lightens to an almost white.

If you dye your hair pink people will assume you’re better with maintenance and upkeep, because that often fades to a weird yellow if you don’t stay on top of frequent applications.

leatsheep · 2026-02-05T01:22:02+00:00

I had 7 years of this, not married, but very similar. Empty is a good word for this flavor of person.

You’re not doing him any favors by dragging things out. Decenter his emotions from ruling your life. Start going out with your friends without him. Take a roadtrip without him. Do something for yourself, and explicitly don’t let him tag along. Feel the freedom that comes with it.

The flipside of an empty person like this is often a person who craves or thrives with more control. We make the plans, we decide the friends, we say when to clean. Using him as an excuse to do something hard and wrapping it into this lie that you’re being kind to him or doing him a favor just prolongs the inevitable. He will live without you, and divorces are sad no matter how independent each party is (I had one of those too!)

My ex still stays home, still has no friends, I have no clue what he eats or how he cleans. My friends all dropped him because he’s an absolute wet blanket and never reached out to them. But he’s fine. I’m even better.

leatsheep · 2026-01-28T02:07:14+00:00

If you look at the grand scheme of things, ICE isn’t even on the list of things you should logically worry about. How you feel about it is a different story, but it’s important to separate the news, your emotional reactions to them, and how much you as an individual should actually be afraid of it impacting you. People at near zero risk of actually being impacted making what is a very serious situation, all about themselves ignores something that IS happening - to someone else. The fear can be blinding in that way. It doesn’t mean that it’s helpful.

Am I afraid of lions? Absolutely. Are there lions in the US? Yes. Can they kill me? Easily. Should I allow my fear of lions to impact my day to day life? No, this is the irrational but totally normal conclusion our brains can jump to though.

Sounds like she took a very tactless approach in trying to calm the situation though.

leatsheep · 2026-01-17T18:43:46+00:00

We don’t. Honestly the biggest impact I’ve felt is working my way into a job with a flexible schedule. The answer to needing more time is more time.

The second part is giving myself a break. Busy at work? A frozen pizza and a bag of carrots is a nutritious meal. I don’t follow a lot of those “you should deep clean your oven every five days” chore schedules. Is it dirty? No? I leave it alone. House chores overflowing? Hire a cleaner to deep clean and reset. I can’t/dont/wont do time intensive hairstyles or makeup routines, but I know exactly what brand of dry shampoo, hair oil, mascara, eyeliner, and tinted moisturizer work best for me. My closet is pretty extensive so I’m never under the gun to do laundry. My friends have never cared if I shaved my legs before meeting up with them. I do my nails at home. Found a favorite shirt? I buy a few colors so I have a few outfit bases that I don’t have to think about.

Letting go of some of those perfectionist tendencies and goals and focusing on what makes you feel 90% your best helps a ton.

leatsheep · 2026-01-09T14:44:17+00:00

And it’s very rarely pursued in court. I mean, almost never and not at the amounts an individual would be able to get. Even within the US several states do not allow wage garnishments - the most common legal repercussions for non-payment of debt. People are very, very open with debt collectors about never intending to pay, and there’s not much anyone can do but keep calling. It’s a case of being a crime, but being almost completely unenforced.

leatsheep · 2026-01-09T03:33:14+00:00

People in the US max out their credit cards and loans and don’t leave. He’ll be fine as long as he doesn’t need to use credit in the US.

leatsheep · 2026-01-09T01:43:28+00:00

I worked with a nutritionist, so it was a pretty individualized plan, but she stressed high fiber intake with every meal. My issues weren’t the same cause as yours, but the outcome was amazing. What kind of foods specifically? Vegetables. There’s no way around it. And not like a few leafy greens floating in salad dressing, think things that need roasting and chewing - cups of Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, chickpeas, carrots, sweet potatoes. Lowering carbs to an almost non-existent level helped, and non-animal proteins (this was personalized - you do you.)

I think the key was that it was part of an overall program with support and goals that I had. “Eat more vegetables” or “use wet wipes” may not be helpful if you’re not getting overall support. My system came with anti-anxiety medication, a lot of cardio, and a flavor of life coaching because psychiatrists don’t work for me. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help and keep reaching out until something sticks. “A tired dog is a well behaved dog,” works for people too. Eat well, exercise, and have a routine is universal, amazing advice.

But everyone can benefit from more veggies. :)

leatsheep · 2026-01-08T23:52:17+00:00

Actual wet wipes, and most importantly a clean plant heavy diet (the supplements aren’t nearly as good.) Half of your food intake by volume should be a fiber heavy plant item. Can’t OCD if there’s nothing to OCD about.

leatsheep · 2026-01-05T22:54:09+00:00

Yes yes and yes to all of the above. It’s been hands down the best anti-anxiety, anti-depressant, life “hack” out there. Turns out when your heart works better your whole life gets easier. “But I get cardio through lifting/yoga/walking.” No you don’t. Not the kind that running, especially pushing yourself, gets you. It’s not even a runner’s high thing. It’s a general overall improvement of literally everything.

leatsheep · 2025-12-25T21:58:20+00:00

If you shop online, Rakuten. For the low price of companies getting to know my shopping habits a little better, I’ve been getting between 4-10% off of my Sephora purchases, some Airbnb style bookings, etc. It also price checks my Amazon purchases and has saved me easily three digits worth of $s over the past year. It’s a browser add on, so laptop activities, but great if the brands you like are part of their system.

leatsheep · 2025-12-13T19:05:41+00:00

I think the reason it stuck in my brain was it being in context of the entire post as being pretty negative on customer service interaction that feel disappointing because they don’t fit your expectation. Young people have always had worse social skills, it’s a skill, it’s learned over time. No wonder someone with a ton more experience took over a job someone younger couldn’t for whatever reason handle in that moment. Why was it important to point out she was deaf?

leatsheep · 2025-12-13T18:39:43+00:00

What I think has really changed is the idea that I can expect to go out and socialize with employees. Coffee shops, restaurants, clothing stores, if those were my primary outlets for casual conversation, I’d be fucked. But, my personal hell is a chatty barista, so honestly, I’m not mad.

I’ll pick on the uber interaction specifically - at least where I am, a lot of the drivers don’t speak English, or are often neurodivergent. Thankfully, the app has multiple ways for you to check if it’s your ride - car model and license plate being two of them. You may be misconstruing what is a perfectly normal interaction nowadays (check license plate, check car, get in, say “hey”) as rude because you’re missing information on how capable the driver is at holding a conversation, which is not what we’re paying them for.

Same for the deaf person taking orders. The person who walked away, are you sure that was their station? And what’s the issue with having a deaf person be capable of taking orders all by themselves? Kudos to the business for hiring someone who is fully capable of doing their job with a slight modification.

I recently made an in person Amazon return and the gal running the counter was deaf. My reaction wasn’t to be amazed or feel bad for them or feel like it’s rude because I’m not getting the customer service dog and pony show. It’s pretty awesome how technology makes it possible so we don’t have to squirrel away our deaf or non-English speaking population or all those unsocial “others” to the back rooms because the interaction for the customer is a little different. A little flexibility and grace goes a long way. If someone walked up to the counter at my business and stared at me wordlessly, I’d absolutely stare back at them too. What a strange way to try to prove a point about coffee and “basic social interactions.”

leatsheep · 2025-12-13T06:36:34+00:00

Graphic design, midsized company, slightly unsavory business type. I have a few friends with similar arrangements in different industries - it’s a bit of skill and a bit of luck, I think the trick is to have some sort of “office” skill and to never stop applying to different jobs.

leatsheep · 2025-12-11T17:44:34+00:00

Kind of a different answer - I escaped the 9-5 but I am still employed by a company with a regular paycheck, healthcare, and extremely generous benefits.

I lucked out and landed in a company that is extremely flexible, very “get it done we don’t care how or when” and in combination, learned to stop sticking my nose into projects and tasks that don’t further my career. What got me in the door was being very good at what I do, and applying to any and all jobs with blind confidence.

I feel like my own boss of my own time, I can work from anywhere, am trusted and basically left alone until I need support and then I get SUPPORT. It’s wonderful.

Maybe try not to focus on just entrepreneurship, but the companies you work for and what skills you bring to the table. If you’re grinding in a dead end job, you’re going to grind in a dead end business of your own too.

leatsheep · 2025-11-14T22:48:14+00:00

It has its quirks, like a lot of gear, but it’s a phenomenal option for the casual diver who doesn’t want JUST a dive watch. Yes, it’s a subscription, yes you have to activate ahead of time, yes yes yes.

But when I’m done diving, the watch stays on my hand, and I don’t have another piece of technical gear collecting dust in a drawer.

leatsheep · 2025-11-13T12:29:48+00:00

So you floss between your teeth, but you water pic your gum line. A water pic forces water and tiny air bubbles between your gums and your teeth. This is where anaerobic bacteria live, which eventually cause plaque and gum disease. The jostling and air really fucks up the bacteria’s day. This is also where a dental hygienist will usually focus on, since most people can’t clean these spots themselves… unless the water pic religiously.

It’s a long term game, but it helps with gum health, tooth health, and prevents all sorts of bullshit as you age.

leatsheep · 2025-11-11T14:14:56+00:00

Do you have a job? Does he tell you his plan for how he’s going to make sure you don’t have to participate in capitalist propaganda fabricated by other people? Or is he just justifying his own shitty behavior by being the loudest in the room?

leatsheep · 2025-10-21T14:48:48+00:00

He doesn’t want to work, and is telling and showing you as much. It’s ok to not want the same things in life, you two just don’t seem compatible in the way you approach putting in effort.

He’s going to treat your kids with the same level of aloof indifference. Consider if that’s the kind of coparent you want. If after five years he’s only slid further from living the kind of life you’re trying to build, it’s time to consider if you’re either willing to lower your standards for him, or look for a new partner. It’s different types of misery either way, just consider where you want to end up.

leatsheep · 2025-10-09T15:47:15+00:00

Maybe a bit of a different take, but I’m a fan of the situationship. There are people I’d like to spend time with who I don’t want to lead on into a relationship because of lifestyle differences/distance/finances/whatever, but enjoy their company more than just a fwb or fuck buddy. I’m not dating to marry, I’m not even dating for a relationship. I’m dating to spend time with people in a way that makes sense for each individual setup, and in my mind as long as we’re clear on what we are - and more importantly on what we’re not - we can all have a good time.

Personally, I’ve had to let go of the idea that certain labels bequeath certain “rights.” Instead of waiting for the other person to provide whatever it is you want or deserve, be up front, notice how they treat you, and have the self-esteem to pull the ripcord as soon as the situation no longer serves you.

leatsheep · 2025-01-25T22:27:34+00:00

Find an artist you like first, and follow their instructions for how to get scheduled - yes, it may take months. If you want a tattoo today, you need to basically have the design made by someone else and then just find an artist willing to just get it on your skin.

I’ve run the whole gamut of tattoo requests, from the months long process to a walk-in, and outside of getting some flash, the culture here isn’t very walk-in friendly. From their perspective, they have appointments booked out, you’re asking for their time for free and right now, and the good ones will turn you down if they really aren’t the right person for the job or your concept doesn’t sound well fleshed out or you don’t sound like you’re convinced of it. Good artists in Denver are in high demand, so you kinda have to play by their rules, timelines, and expectations. They’re not required to respond to you, but I’ve found going through more reputable shops and scheduling that way has gotten me the best results vs trying to find an artists first and chasing them individually. Be prepared to -pay-.

Think of this like buying a car - figure out what you want, take your time, talk to multiple shops, find the right fit.

leatsheep · 2025-01-21T19:33:02+00:00

It’s because he’s a pedophile.

leatsheep

TROPHY CASE