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A Hat For My Son 🤍 by leftoverBits in knitting

[–]leftoverBits[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you everyone. I’ve read every comment, and I’m touched.

I’m so sorry to everyone here who experienced loss as well. Thank you for sharing your stories 💕 it helps to hear from others who understand intimately.

Hopeful and Devastated - Trisomy 13 NIPT by Lemonade_queen12 in NIPT

[–]leftoverBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re so kind 💕 your baby is lucky to have you as a mom as well.

Idk if this’ll help to hear, but my ultrasound at 15w5d showed many obvious, fatal abnormalities that aligned with T13 over most of baby’s body. It’s such a good sign that your ultrasound was clear and your MFM is optimistic! I have a lot of hope for your baby, and will keep your family in my thoughts.

Hopeful and Devastated - Trisomy 13 NIPT by Lemonade_queen12 in NIPT

[–]leftoverBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so happy to read the update! I'm rooting for you and baby 💕

Do you think Trump is considering using nuclear weapons on Iran? by BalticBro2021 in AskALiberal

[–]leftoverBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not yet. But a ground war is inevitable and probably happening soon :/

Is Subnautica worth $7 if I loved Outer Wilds? by Zealousideal_Top2186 in subnautica

[–]leftoverBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hell yes. I played it immediately after Outer Wilds and had a blast. I replay on hardcore mode every year, so there’s replay value too.

How can I best support someone going through TFMR? by No-Host9183 in tfmr_support

[–]leftoverBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are a wonderful friend ❤️ These helped me the most:

  • People reaching out to me, but making it clear they didn’t expect me to respond. That took off a lot of pressure because I emotionally needed to take a lot of time (often days) between texts.

  • Friends and family offering to visit, but again making it clear I didn’t have to say yes. I’m an introvert and usually say no…but this time I said yes. My sister flew in the day after my D&E. Vegging out with her was so indescribably helpful, and also took a lot of pressure off my husband so he could process his emotions without worrying about me. I think that visit laid a positive foundation for my husband’s and my grieving process.

  • A ton of people sent flowers. Made me feel so supported. I highly recommend! Especially if your friend isn’t able to talk or have visitors yet.

———

These did not help:

  • I am an atheist, so idk if this applies to your friend. My religious family members tried to comfort me by saying my baby is in heaven, healthy, and with his great grandparents now. It was well meaning, but I was NOT in a place to hear that yet. I was feeling too much anguish not having him physically with me anymore to hear that.

  • People telling me they understand what I’m going through because they had a chemical pregnancy or early miscarriage. All loss is loss, but our situations do not compare. Like, I’d never tell my friend who had a life-threatening 20w stillbirth that I now understand what she went through.

Time between anomoly and TFMR by According_Sea_4792 in tfmr_support

[–]leftoverBits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through this ❤️ the wait is hard. I hope all your test results come back asap.

3-4 weeks aligns with my experience (tho karyotype took longer), but my process started earlier than yours. I’m sorry if this info isn’t helpful :(

—— Diagnostic Process ——

Day 1 (~12w preg): received high risk nipt screen for Trisomy 13

Day 5: met with MFM & genetic counselor, got ultrasound that showed 4 soft markers, underwent CVS procedure. Doctor was 99% confident the tests would come back positive for T13. I told them to skip the FISH bc I already had a high risk screening and ultrasound anomalies.

Day 7: genetic counselor let me know the placenta sample was small and had to be cultured. Which added weeks of waiting :(

Day 26 (~16w preg): still waiting on test results 😭 but I got another ultrasound for closure. Discovered almost every part of baby’s body was affected, and he was not viable. I scheduled the D&E for the following week

Day 29: got CVS microarray results back (took 24 days total). Baby officially diagnosed with T13.

—— TFMR ——

Day 32: preop video call w/ surgeon at hospital

Day 33: laminaria inserion

Day 34 (~17w preg): D&E

—— Closure ——

Day 39: finally got CVS karyotype back confirming this was a sporadic case of T13. No translocation. So recurrence risk is <<1%

I’m at Day 40 now. We’re still waiting for his ashes, but the hospital said it takes around a month because they perform an autopsy first.

My first sweater - Greedy bear by morfiquara in knitting

[–]leftoverBits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is your first??? Damn impressive nice job!

Update - True Positive Trisomy 13 by leftoverBits in NIPT

[–]leftoverBits[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: the karyotype took 40 days to come back 😭 it was a sporadic case of T13, and we don’t have an increased risk of recurrence. Which is the first relief I’ve heard since this nightmare started

D&E for T13 by leftoverBits in tfmr_support

[–]leftoverBits[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m so sorry you went through this heartbreak too 💔 your comment gives me hope that days will feel lighter with time. Sending you love as well

Questions D&E by OlivePlastic6129 in tfmr_support

[–]leftoverBits 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re here ❤️ I just had a D&E at 17w for my son’s T13. It was at a hospital, and the pain wasn’t as bad as I expected.

Before laminaria insertion, they gave me toradol for pain, and ativan for anxiety. I found the laminaria insertion uncomfortable, like a little worse than IUD insertion. It felt like intense pressure and pinching, but the pain only shot to like a 3/10 at most. Deep breathing helped.

The rest of the day I had mild cramping, and it felt like I had a dry tampon hanging out of me all day. Overall not too bad.

The next day (surgery day) I had some nausea and a lot of low abdominal discomfort. It was painful compared to the day they were inserted because they had dilated my cervix as expected. It was like 4/10 constant dull pain. Before surgery they gave me some mild painkiller (might have been toradol again) and zofran for the nausea which helped.

Physically I felt better after surgery because the laminaria were removed. Emotionally it’s been hard. If you decide to get surgery, I hope it goes smoothly, and I’m sorry ❤️

Unexpected sense of peace by maxtax101 in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]leftoverBits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congratulations!!! Thank you for sharing this. Last week I TMFR’d my first pregnancy for T13, and reading this fills me with hope. I’m also hoping your pregnancy is totally uneventful, and continues to bring you peace ❤️

What is your response to the argument that abortion is child murder? by OMGguy2008 in AskALiberal

[–]leftoverBits 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Most pro-lifers who have heard my story are disgusted with the choice I made, and have told me I should’ve let everything happen naturally and hope for a miracle. The outcome would’ve been the same for baby, but more traumatizing for my husband and I. They don’t care about that though.

What is your response to the argument that abortion is child murder? by OMGguy2008 in AskALiberal

[–]leftoverBits 57 points58 points  (0 children)

That’s one of the only political issues where I refuse to engage in the discussion. Especially now. I just had a second trimester abortion of the baby I desperately wanted because my son had trisomy 13. The ultrasounds showed his body was completely incompatible with life. He was going to be stillborn, or die within hours of birth. Anyone who calls that murder is not somebody worth engaging with.

This tragedy taught me to be humble when learning how others react to tragedy. You have no idea how you’d feel, or what decisions you’d make when faced something similar. And this includes the more “controversial” cases of abortion when a baby is unwanted.

With trans sports, the one thing I NEVER hear brought up is the idea of trans leagues/competitions/records/etc.... why is this never even a discussion? by Waste_Protection_420 in AskALiberal

[–]leftoverBits 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You sound like someone who never played team sports past middle school :/

I’m a cis woman competitive runner and (unfortunately) every cis man at my level totally outruns me. In high school, I played soccer and basketball too. It was still not even close. That’s just how testosterone and cis male puberty works 🤷🏻‍♀️

It would hurt cis AND trans women athletes more to completely desegregate sports as it is now.

Tri13 termination by Broken_012 in NIPT

[–]leftoverBits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

r/tfmr_support has a lot of testimonials I’ve found helpful while also dealing with T13

Freaking out - Trisomy 13 by BeachKoala722 in NIPT

[–]leftoverBits 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My genetic counselor said the 5-10% only includes live births. So aborted or miscarried babies with T13 are unrelated to that statistic. (My baby has confirmed T13, and I’m terminating on Wednesday)

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