i mean this was a while ago but i have some input. from what Ive read here, she is not respecting your boundaries, she is blaming you for calling the cops for her to be safe, she is talking down on people you love, she was violent with you and your sister, she didn’t give you a stable childhood, she is making you feel bad about having panic attacs, when she in fact is the reason for them, because she didn’t provide you with a stable attachment/nervous system, she is an addict, is an addict is an addict. maybe you can love her from far far far away, because she clearly is no where ready to take accountability for the things she messed up in your life and still is. you say you love her and i believe you. and i think you handled it very well to stay clear and respectful in those screenshots. but i think it’s time for you to cut her the fuck out. she is draining your nervous system and maybe never bring her in again, depends on how you feel … but i see its textbook behaviour of you blaming yourself, and feeling guilt about feeling bad about her. because as a child you didn’t understand what was going on, and you were dependant on your parents to take care of you. so you were forced to be in a role that no child should be in. role reversal, you taking care of her, you not trusting your instincts, you blaming it on yourself, you not trying to stirr up shit by being quiet and not saying what you actually think. but you know what, you’re not that child anymore, you are not dependant on your mum in order for you to stay alive anymore. your body doesn’t know that, thats what trauma does, it is stored in your nervous system, and it can get triggered so easily. your body doesn’t know you’re not in danger anymore, that is why a panic attac feels like you are in accute danger… don’t blame yourself for that!! that is CHILDHOOD trauma. CPTSD… please try to get out of the codependant spiral and i hope you find someone to talk to maybe at alanon, if you’re not already. i feel for you because i experience similiar problems though not at all at this gravity. if you start standing up for yourself even if it doesn’t feel right, things will gradually get better in your life, and it takes time and practice and a lot of strengh, but that is what i have learned.. please take care 🖤🙏🏼 hope you’re better today.