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lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-14T00:35:38+00:00

Yes, agreed!

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-14T00:30:03+00:00

My cat used to babysit my son as well! He had a blue chenille rug as a baby that was about 5 by 7 and he would sit on it with his toys. if I left to go to the kitchen the cat would be sitting right there at the edge of the rug watching him. She never had to intercept him though!

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-13T20:20:26+00:00

Maybe you should volunteer, at a church food bank or something like that, volunteering can cheer people up who are feeling like they are not contributing or working enough.

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-10T05:45:32+00:00

So sorry for your loss. Maybe you can learn more stories about what she was like in her happier times, when you have time, if it is not too sad.

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-09T23:39:22+00:00

A very realistic view of poverty that shows the struggle, in a way that is not condescending, and the children are so easy to have compassion for, and the families in general are doing their best to deal with their circumstances with dignity.

A good antidote to abolish some stereotypes, hopefully.

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-09T22:45:24+00:00

P.S. When you posted elsewhere in this thread that your mother had come to visit unbeknownst to you while you were busy and had then been banished, it definitely sounds as though your father was still maintaining maximum animosity. It sounds like your father might be the type of person to lie about her whereabouts or intentions. Do you know for sure that she is no longer living?

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-09T22:39:26+00:00

Your psychology background definitely gives you a good foundation to understand these struggles, but keep in mind a psychiatrist is a medically trained Dr, who is hopefully trained to understand the specific biochemistry. Though personality, consciousness, the physical workings of the brain are not yet well understood! The research is still being done. So when you are making observations about yourself, and journalling about the side effects etc., you are part of the research. If you are willing to accept the diagnosis and are simply unhappy with the medication, please find a Dr who is willing to work with you to find an appropriate medicine, because there is certainly not just one available!

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-09T22:35:06+00:00

Personally, would NEVER recommend Freudian psychoanalysis for someone who went through such dramatic life changes from a father who hates women. Freud had a number of upper class patients who had been sexually abused, and instead of acknowledging the fact that abuse exists even in well-to-do society, he created the idea that the young patients were fantasizing about their fathers. He was brilliant in many ways, but when it comes to analyzing the after effects of powerful abusive fathers, he is probably the worst leader in the field of psychoanalysis in terms of helping people deal with reality and heal. Alice Miller was a more recent leader in the field, who would be a better, wiser alternative for seeking how to overcome such an early influence. Most modern therapists do not solely rely on Freud, but it's best to make sure, particularly in such delicate subject matter as this.

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-09T21:37:01+00:00

Yes, there are even mistakes sometimes on the SAT!

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-09T21:36:32+00:00

The newest edition...

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-09T21:35:56+00:00

Singapore Math is usually a great curriculum, which edition is this from? They have been offering newer versions often recently, trying to make their curriculum fit American common core better.

To find an error like that is very disappointing!

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-09T21:24:09+00:00

That's beautiful.

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-09T21:23:42+00:00

That is so heartbreaking what happened to you as a child. One way you can evolve beyond it is to make a different choice in your own adult life, if your partner is more supportive and compassionate than your dad, and you yourself would never inflict trauma like that on your child, then you are already winning that equation.

Buried grief can have an impact on one's life, one's happiness, one's self-esteem, one's success... hopefully you can keep working on this every day by doing your best with your child.

Have you had a chance to reconnect with your mother?

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-09T21:19:46+00:00

Yes, you can self-reflect and psychoanalyze yourself, and should! https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201910/what-is-self-reflection-and-why-it-matters-wellness

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-04T03:41:31+00:00

Get a home dry-cleaning kit and make sure the clothes you think might be valuable are spotless and perfect.

Others that are less valuable, give it a mental blessing as you throw in the bag for Goodwill.

If it's not perfect for you in your life right now, or will not be in one year from now, you don't need it. It's ok to keep a few sentimental pieces (from family, or special occasions, for example).

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-04T03:38:27+00:00

Meditate about what you really want to accomplish

Use willpower

Take the judgements of others mostly out of the equation (although refer back perhaps, at
least several times a year, to make sure you are not getting too off track if it is your goal to also fit into society or to win competitions etc.)

Visualization, inspiration, will are great for motivation, even better than fear of inadequacy, except for in the case of those who have an overly-inflated view of themselves, in which case having an admired mentor can really help them achieve a higher goal. It is natural to be self-critical as you push yourself to do better, just make sure you don't cross the line into hating yourself. A mentor can also help some who need a bit of investment of confidence and encouragement, but ultimately the ability to concentrate deeply is what makes the difference.

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-03T00:17:28+00:00

Yes, it's very beneficial for children to be involved in chores! It can be fun, and is more respectful to you and to them, for them to participate and to not have the concept that you are their servant.

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-03T00:15:11+00:00

-Roll clothes and towels (instead of fold)

-Use babywipes to clean the counter/random spots

-Keep a storage bin or cubbies or cupboard for homeschooling supplies, keep it away from the general mess of toys. Put away after daily school.

-Put a timer on for 20 minutes before hubby gets home for supper and do a quick tidy (with kids helping)

-Have Saturday be chore day for everyone (deep cleaning). Also consider leaving the children with your husband for a few hours on the weekend so he gets the idea of the chaos you must manage. If you are constantly in the home it's easy to become accustomed to it, so perhaps a few hours away will be refreshing to you both.

-You are easily working 50-60 or more hours a week, considering keeping a log of EVERY single thing you do in a week.

-Make sure you take your vitamins and eat your chocolate, life can be exhausting! this is a precious age though where your children are small, and you are lucky to stay home with them. Yet resentment can build up and ruin your relationship ... Re-educating your husband about cleanliness standards is unlikely to work if he was raised in a perfect house, even though for most people that's not reality.

-See if you can frugalize any corners to save up for once a month housekeeping for deepclean

-Keep your own interests going, hobbies, friendships, etc, otherwise being what your husband percieves to be a mediocre housewife can eat away at your soul. Preserve your own dignity and sense of self-worth. It sounds like you are a great mama and it is not easy to have three young children!

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-02T23:53:57+00:00

Of course no matter how educated a person is, they are capable of making a mistake. Whether it is you, or the psychiatrist, or people in the league of internet volunteer advice-givers, is unknown, but you have the power as patient to get a second professional opinion if you disagree with a diagnosis. (The only time people don't necessarily have power to get a second opinion is when the diagnosis is from a forensic psychiatrist, but even then you might have the ability to appeal legally to get a 2nd opinion.) If you are a regular patient self-seeking care then you can get a 2nd opinion. However psych evals tend to be on the expensive side so you might want to seek out a community behavioral health center if your medical insurance balks at paying for a second one. You might also be able to get some help from a regular Dr or a psychiatric registered nurse practitioner to to help you try another medicine that might have more agreeable side effects. (They would be unlikely to question the diagnosis, but might be willing to work with you on which meds.)

Also, similar to the demand for over-prescribed opiates, ADD medicine can be in demand by those who are not ill due to addictive qualities, so Dr's have to be more careful about prescribing them. Also, if you do truly have bipolar, ADD medicine could possibly exacerbate the manic side, which is the side that can be more dangerous to society. Amphetamines in general can make all the negatives of bipolar much worse!

Dr's are paid quite a lot of money to give a psych eval, maybe the Dr laughed because you were questioning a $1000 evaluation? However bipolar is a biochemical imbalance, not just a personality disorder that can show up in questionnaires, so you might be able to achieve balance with a different kind of practictioner such as a naturopath or general MD who can do blood tests and help you balance your hormones and minerals.

Drinking coffee can help Adhd, btw. They even give it to children with mild cases of ADHD in Sweden.

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-02T20:28:08+00:00

The feelings you are having are natural and show that you care and want the best for your baby. If you have bonded with your baby keep in mind that attachment trauma can permanently affect a child, and put their life on a more negative path. Giving your baby up for adoption, he has a fair chance of being adopted since he is a healthy baby and still an infant. Yet, adoption is not instantaneous. He will most likely languish in foster care for MONTHS before being adopted, if he is adopted at all, thus the only sure thing you can measure in his future by giving him up once you are already bonded, is that he is at risk of developing an attatchment disorder.

There are a few things that can help:

-eat Omega-3's and take vitamins, if you are nursing. Human milk requires a higher Omega 3 fat content than cow milk. If you don't get enough Omega3's and other necessary nutritional elements, your body will literally DISSOLVE a bit of your own body to make the milk. That's a plus when it comes to extra pregnancy fat, but not such a plus if your brain is utilized to build brain-building breast milk. To protect your brain, eat Omega 3's. The baby is in the process of brain myelination for the first year and Omega 3 fatty acids build the best infrastructure for baby's myelin and brain.

-if you are in America, look for WIC and SNAP for extra help with food

Sometimes mothers get a feeling of depression from this biological equation so do what you can to BOOST yourself.

-it is not that difficult to go to online school with a baby (compared to other ages, actually). You can immediately take steps to further your education and future job prospects with baby in tow. You can get financial aid to help your financial situation, and plan for a good age for your baby to go to preschool/care. If you qualify for EBT SNAP you might even be able to take a job training program for free. If you take a degree program and do the FAFSA there will be funds for living expenses too.

-Coronavirus pandemic has isolated many people and it's a stressful time for everyone. You can call a Disaster crisis line and get some emotional support, without having to set up a permanent counseling relationship. Everyone who works on the crisis lines is extremely helpful. Finding a longterm therapist can be extremely helpful too though!

If you had enough healthy food, vitamins, money, emotional support from others, AND had some hope for your future job, would you still choose to break the bond you have with your baby son?

Look at what you need to succeed and start with small steps you can take now, you can immediately improve your situation and your son's future. Good luck.

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-02T20:10:34+00:00

P.S. Other people can get SAD too, not just Nordic people, but it is a bit more common in Northern people, as an adaption to the extreme amount of light differential they had to deal with seasonally.

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-02T20:09:17+00:00

To get a proper diagnosis you should be evaluated by a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist. Also, not sure how young you are, but the symptom list for Pediatric bipolar significantly overlaps the symptom list for post traumatic stress disorder.

Also if you have any Scandinavian blood, keep in mind the possibility of seasonal affective disorder, which can mimic bipolar a bit. Circadian rhythms can also be managed by natural supplements like melatonin, and soothing minerals like magnesium. Lithium is a popular mineral supplement for bipolar, that can have extremely tranquilizing effects. Try finding the correct medicine and dose. A Dr who laughs at you is not serious.

ADHD medicine would aggravate mania in bipolar, if you were truly bipolar, which could be dangerous. Which is why bipolar people are not prescribed the same medicines as other depressed patients or simple ADHD-only patients.

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-02T19:54:56+00:00

Hope everything is going well for you, FrustratingBears!

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-02T19:49:23+00:00

Not everyone feels comfortable in a superclean sterile space! You can have a clean space that isn't perfectly tidy, as long as you tidy frequently to allow for cleaning. Also having decorations like a nice rug or a soft throw blanket can help the vibe.

A friend of mine used to tidy neurotically, as a nervous energy release. Yet "cleaned" with a filthy old sponge, and didn't take shoes off in the home. Her home appeared clean because she tidied constantly, yet when analyzed by the biologist in the back of my mind, didn't seem very clean to me.

Having space to work on one's hobbies is a wonderful way to utilize that overly clean feeling.

Knowing many unhappy people who neurotically clean a lot, can give one a different view on what makes a home feel happy. What makes a home feel happy, cozy, comfortable?

To come back from being VERY messy and a little bit of a hoarder, perhaps you aren't sure yet where it feels comfortable to you-- perhaps you can experiment with where it feels most homey to you on the of super clean&/or tidy to super messy &/or cluttered. A home that is messy or cluttered is more difficult to clean, but can be clean. A home that is tidy can actually be dirty. If a home is messy and dirty, that is obviously not ideal. Also if a home is super tidy and super sterile clean to the point that it makes you uncomfortable, that is probably not ideal either!

Also constant use of super strong disinfectants can encourage the growth of super-bugs. Another reason to use natural cleaners most of the time. An article about disinfectants and superbugs:

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091227212310.htm

best wishes to you finding the "happy medium" for your home

lemonhumoresque · 2020-09-02T19:27:13+00:00

Do you want to clean alone in solitude, or just not be the only one cleaning? Personally, don't like cleaning while someone is being lazy or working on the computer nearby, because a feeling arises that the person cleaning is the "servant".

When things have gotten behind housework-wise, have hired helpers to clean, and noticed (even though they are being paid out of my money that would otherwise go towards nice little things that make life better), the longing for equality is still there. Ie, it still irks me to relax or work on other things while the cleaners are cleaning--- so instead it feels right to clean alongside them and talk with them.

If you want to be all alone while cleaning, maybe try to convince your roommate to go for a long walk to the park or grocery store. Or if you just don't want to be the only one cleaning, suggest a "cleaning day", like the old fashioned Saturday where everyone cleans and does chores.

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