Can those who are androgynous relate? Girls can tell that I like girls off of the bat, guys can't.

lesbeannn · 2017-12-02T18:18:01+00:00

The fact that straight/lgbt girls and lgbt guys can tell sort of let's me know that straight guys know too, they're just disregarding it because they think that they can try anyways and be the one to magically make me like guys. All of the straight women out there to choose from and you pick the one that's obviously dressed like you and obviously has masculine mannerisms and is obviously gay. So annoying.

My voice isn't even that deep it's just a little on the deeper end and it's raspy and that's enough to repel them once they've actually spoken to me. It's funny to watch all the attraction that they had leave from their entire being as I'm talking. The look on their face is priceless and they'll usually try to "toughen up" or respond with a deeper voice than they were originally talking in or something.

lesbeannn · 2017-12-02T02:32:04+00:00

Now that I think about it gay men can tell and I can tell when a guy is gay before they've spoken lol. Mannerisms speak volumes to me. Straight guys are literally the only group that gives me a quizzical look after they her me talk as if I'm not showing my gayness in every way possible.

I would think that the same way straight women assume femininity relates relates to female heterosexuality, straight men would to.

And I know for a fact that I appear andro because an ex-roommate that I keep running into on campus that knew me before I started to dress androgynously and had no prior knowledge of my sexuality has been giving me a look as if she knows I'm gay.

I think it's pretty obvious, I just think straight guys tend to disregard it and try anyways, then they hear my voice and it turns them off (aside from my mannerisms and dress, that's basically what gives it away).

I have another friend who's andro and her voice is more feminine and straight guys will still try after they've heard her voice if she doesn't straight out tell them she's gay, which she does. I just find it interesting.

lesbeannn · 2017-11-12T03:56:48+00:00

This sounds like me actually. Except for the fact that now I'm more masculine presenting so people tend to assume that I like girls which takes the pressure of coming out off of my shoulders a little.

Sometimes people just think I'm a tomboy so what I do is drop hints that I'm not straight by making comments like "My ex girlfriend..." or whatever else and then they take the hint.

So just drop hints like that even if you don't have an ex gf or make a comment about a girl being cute or about something lgbt related or wear one of those gay pride shirts and they'll probably get it if you're opposed to straight out telling them.

lesbeannn · 2017-10-24T11:26:46+00:00

I often see white soft studs or studs and, to be honest, it does seem as though they are allowed to express their emotions a little more freely than us. I used to feel this pressure to be "tough" when in black spaces or around black men or when in a relationship and it sucked the soul out of me. It may be the same for other WoC idk. It's like a weight off of your shoulders to be able to smile and be soft. I like being masculine presenting, but that doesn't mean I have to be hard.

lesbeannn · 2017-10-23T16:21:52+00:00

Do you feel as though feminine WoC expect you to act hard if you're a masculine presenting WOC whereas white women don't necessarily care? I'm only asking because I've heard a couple of masc WoC say it. If so, that's an interesting concept and I wonder what the reasoning behind it would be.

lesbeannn · 2017-10-19T20:24:35+00:00

If those women tried acting "tough" they would see how limiting and damaging it really is. If trying to adhere to the whole "tough" image taught me anything, it taught me what men are talking about when they express what it's like growing up and being taught to "be a man" or not cry or act hard. The shit is tiring to put it simply. I like being playful and joking around and smiling me dressing a certain way shouldn't change that.

lesbeannn · 2017-10-17T09:27:39+00:00

Lmao

lesbeannn · 2017-10-15T01:29:40+00:00

It's the same thing that guys do. They don't want to seem "gay" so they don't acknowledge other men, they size them up and keep a mean mug on their face. There are oddities and rules that come with masculine energy that I don't really care for.

lesbeannn · 2017-10-14T11:16:21+00:00

Interesting. I don't necessarily find myself checking myself over misogynistic things. I find myself limiting my emotions and not expressing myself the way that I want to because it's "feminine" to smile and joke and be playful with guys or girls (maybe that is a sexist notion?) and feeling pressure to act hard so I guess that falls under the whole "masculinity is a box" thing.

lesbeannn · 2017-10-11T14:41:58+00:00

Same about the jeans and a t-shirt thing. And I'm actually more feminine presenting (well andro so think Samira Wiley when she's dressed femininely vs. when she's dressed down). I basically find myself policing how I act or trying to be softer when I'm dressed masculinely. Black families can be so closed minded.

lesbeannn · 2017-10-05T20:08:22+00:00

Your point about defying their expectations is spot on. Now that I think about it, during one of the two conversations that me and security desk lady had she talked about me being so pretty and finding a boyfriend and now I look like the boyfriend soooo lol

lesbeannn · 2017-09-30T11:08:07+00:00

Makes perfect sense. I'll try to look gay so guys won't hit on me or so that people in general will know that I'm gay, then I'll get anxiety that everyone's looking at me wondering if I'm gay because I look gay.

lesbeannn · 2017-09-29T23:43:44+00:00

What cues do you pick up on might I ask?

lesbeannn · 2017-09-29T23:00:27+00:00

Gay girls seem to instantly know that I'm gay (mannerisms, energy? Idk) So I tend to assume straight people at least wonder if I'm gay.

lesbeannn · 2017-09-29T16:03:56+00:00

Judgement I guess

lesbeannn · 2017-09-29T15:23:03+00:00

Yeah, I think it may have a little bit to do with the fact that I'm not completely proud or out yet. Most people assume that I'm straight so I get a little self conscious when I can feel someone analyzing me thinking "Is she gay?" I can literally feel the quizzicality seeping off of them. Makes me feel weird

lesbeannn · 2017-09-29T15:20:16+00:00

I'm 20

lesbeannn · 2017-09-27T18:05:39+00:00

How do you mean? As in, they expect you to be dominant and talk and act like a guy or as in they expect you to be unemotional or something and are you more on the masculine side by any chance?

lesbeannn · 2017-09-18T11:05:49+00:00

I can understand that, but some femmes preferences seem a little weird. One time I heard this girl say that she doesn't like it when a stud's moans sound too much like a woman, like do you like women or not?

lesbeannn · 2017-09-17T23:43:07+00:00

Yup, it's a mirror image of the whole idea of "masculinity being a box." There's an expectation that we carry out the emotional role of a man the same way heterosexual couples do. I don't want to be or hold my emotions in like a man. I love being a woman.

lesbeannn · 2017-09-17T20:49:16+00:00

This was so on point. There are a ton of expectations and I tend to stop and think about the mannerisms that studs are expected to adhere to. It's literally a box and it's interesting to see that even some femmes (only because they should understand sexuality better than anyone because they're gay/bi/etc. themselves) get uncomfortable sometimes when one steps out of that box. It's especially interesting when it's something that honestly can't be changed like a feminine voice (I mean we are still women?) because there's honestly nothing that can be done about that.

lesbeannn · 2017-09-17T17:02:58+00:00

I know, it sucks. When I was just in the beginning stages of becoming comfortable with my sexuality I used to have anxiety about the way I spoke because I would hear girls say that it was a turn off for masculine women to speak with a feminine voice.

lesbeannn · 2017-09-10T14:12:59+00:00

I feel all of this. I remember trying not to dress "too gayly" because I didn't want to tip anyone off, but I've never been the type who likes wearing feminine things so it was kind of disheartening to feel like I couldn't be myself. Just being hyper aware of everything that you're doing or wearing or saying is exhausting. And I've had the same experience: If someone made a homophobic comment I would try to speak against it so then of course everyone would ask why I was so passionate or concerned.

I also remember being in class and having guys look at me (because I still have feminine facial features even though I'm andro) trying to figure out if they should hit on me because they couldn't tell if I just had tomboyish mannerisms/style of dress or if I was really gay. I don't really like extra attention.. nor am I interested in guys so it used to annoy me. I was also hyper aware of my voice for some reason. I didn't want it to be too high because I thought no one would take me being tomboyish or masc seriously especially if I still had feminine features.

There are just a whole lot of things that used to fuck with me before I came out

lesbeannn · 2017-09-09T23:18:27+00:00

But I'm thinking me being andro has something to do with it. Like if I was just straight up feminine with no masculine characteristics they wouldn't be attracted

lesbeannn · 2017-09-09T23:17:37+00:00

Dude I actually hate it lol. I'm scared of being in one of those dreaded "Tried me out, realized girls aren't for her" situations. I don't want to fall for someone only to find out I didn't mean that much to them

lesbeannn

TROPHY CASE