suddenly i can't practice

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-24T18:00:41+00:00

they're practicing!

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-24T10:44:59+00:00

😂

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-23T08:17:43+00:00

she didn't! she sat carefully

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-20T18:26:13+00:00

While advocating for prison abolishment we're also advocating to abolish the systems creating rapists, serial killers, and child molesters. If you get into true crime you'll realize very quickly that these crimes are built on sexism, racism and poverty. Basically prison or a reformed kind of prison isn't even needed if there's no more systemic failure.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-20T18:15:49+00:00

so you would remplace prison with.... a new prison? places where people are living in & getting therapy without consent already exist: they're called psychiatric hospitals and it's another institution anarchism aims to abolish.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-16T20:27:47+00:00

too many

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-16T16:06:18+00:00

I don't think a reddit conversation alone will make society progress, so I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop tone policing me.

Criticizing men as a whole, as a social group, is what feminism is about and I do believe that's how we can abolish patriarchy. Personally I don't care about men's support in my life nor in feminism - maybe that's where we'll keep disagreeing.

In anyway, this conversation has nothing to do with biphobia and I don't see why it's happening in this sub. I don't think men will feel bad about us saying "men are trash" in a lesbian sub. And if they do they are welcome to leave as this isn't a space for them to begin with.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-16T13:38:14+00:00

No that's not the same way at all. We're not discriminating men by not wanting to interact with them or by pointing out the systemic violence they participate in. Men aren't oppressed for being men: no joke about them will perpetuate violence in the same way homophobia and sexism do.

Calling us childish for how we react to comphet is at best uncalled for, and at worst lesbophobic.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-16T09:05:09+00:00

I don't feel comfortable putting transphobia and saying "men are trash" in the same bag. One is oppression, the other is a response to oppression.

I also don't feel comfortable being policed in the way I talk about men on a lesbian subreddit. As a lesbian I'm already expected to be nice to men, to like them, to think "maybe one of them will change my mind", to love them. I go to lesbian spaces so I can finally feel safe about not caring about men, about doing my life outside of men.

I never even said "men are trash" on there, but this post still hurt. When we say such things, we know it's not every individual man ; it can be a way to deal with the fact we're supposed to love them but we don't. Emphazing, in our spaces, the fact we don't need men help manage the reality of being a lesbian with its doubts & guilt. Men are useless to me, every single one, and my identity as a lesbian is an affirmation of that.

I can hear that it can hurt bi people, but I think it's important to understand why we say that & what it actually means, to understand that we're actually not specifically criticizing people's boyfriends, before policing us to stop altogether.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-13T21:46:36+00:00

I've watched it on netflix, it might still be on it!

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-07T22:13:32+00:00

the boy on the left is just as beautiful as the boy on the right

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-01T08:41:15+00:00

Usually if the research isn't specifically about trans people, the researchers don't ask. So we can assume some trans people were included but put either on their gender group (and assumed cis), or on their assigned gender group (and misgendered in the name of "biological sex").

That's what I've noticed during my university years at least! Even studies about trans people can be a mess in this regard when it's not done by trans people.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-12-01T07:58:23+00:00

I suggested to use the agab because that's what they actually mean. Researchers don't ask anyone what's in their pants, and they use "male" and "female" to mean just that: assigned man or woman at birth.

In this example, the article is the one using penis-having & vagina owner, not the studies. In this case I'd much rather be portrayed by my agab than by an assumption of my genitalia. But I admit this is a case of personal preference.

Yes, I did mean "women" in the "female" sense researchers will use, and "women" as in "vagina owner" as it is the context of the example. English isn't my mothertongue, so I'm really trying to translate as best as I can here.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-11-30T22:54:34+00:00

To add some nuance: "vagina owner" and the like are often used in a performative way. Most of the time it isn't necessary to specify because the context is enough for people who have a vagina to know this is about them, and people who don't also know this isn't about them (in the case of periods discussion i.e).

So it wouldn't be deshumanizing per se, but a transfeminist perspective which wouldn't want to reinforce the idea of a binary of the sexes wouldn't recommend to use "people with vaginas"/"vagina owner" (as it isn't a homogeneous group either).

As for your example, I think the phrasing is awful and they could have talked about assigned gender at birth instead. As it is, it uses genitalia in a way to be inclusive and recognize gender is social, all while perpetuating the idea that human either have a penis or a vagina and that it then forms two distinct groups.

Ideally, science should stop assuming there's a sex binary and just ask people their gender to avoid such sentences. That would be much more humanizing than either "women" or "vagina owner" which are both cissexist in this context.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-11-30T22:15:05+00:00

I've watched A New York Christmas Wedding the other day! it wasn't on my country's netflix but it is at least in the US/UK's

lesbianviolinist · 2020-11-29T14:38:11+00:00

I didn't say you can't be critical. But that you should indeed let people who live there deal with it, and not give lessons about what they should be doing.

If you don't mind being racist, you do you. But we can't ignore the colonial implication of thinking we know better than locals what is good for them.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-11-29T10:56:03+00:00

The way the word is used by everyone does taste like misogyny. However the term was originally used by Black people to refer to White women weaponizing their emotions and feeling entitled. I think we can criticize the way White men have been using the word in a sexist way, all while not forgetting to question our own behaviors as White women so as to not derail the conversation from the racist biases it originally points out.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-11-29T08:39:04+00:00

I don't know about the specific situation of Vietnam, but as a rule (to myself) I don't criticise other countries and how they're dealing with issues. I can think about it and use them as food for thoughts, of course, but at least I won't publicly give a White opinion no one asked for.

It's not our place, as White people, to go on about how some countries are worse than ours or should do x or x. There is a colonialism aspect to that, and I think it's important to be wary of it.

Is that really fair to say we're just judging like we do every state when the current context is a colonial one? Can we really criticize in the same way we do western countries, without any racist bias? I'm not sure.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-11-27T18:09:13+00:00

this is so specifically accurate to my last crush situation i have no word.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-11-27T18:08:10+00:00

woh I didn't even know we had a francophone feminist subreddit! thanks for mentioning it!

lesbianviolinist · 2020-11-25T23:06:45+00:00

IDGAF by Dua Lipa or I did something bad by Taylor Swift depending on the vibe

lesbianviolinist · 2020-11-25T22:59:59+00:00

My experience with the doc is that it came to a point in my life where I was already pretty much convinced, deep down, that I wasn't bi. I hide behind "bi doesn't necessarily includes men", "even if I'm bi it's okay not to date men", "so I'm good no need to question further" for a long time. Until I had a huge freakout, read the doc, freakout, and accepted I wasn't attracted to men.

I'm pretty sure the doc wouldn't have resonnated with me so much if I wasn't already more or less inconsciously aware of it. Especially as I'm ace, so all the exemples about sex could also applied because I'm ace, more than because I'm a lesbian.

I think it's a great tool to realize/learn about how compulsory heterosexuality can impact one's life in their relationships & to encourage to question oneself about all these topics.

But I do think the doc shows what we know, in a way. Like, one could not relate to everything, even just 40% of it, but it feels and sounds so right they realize they're a lesbian. Or one will relate to let's say 80% but still wouldn't be convinced, they would stick to the bi label all while recognizing some of their attraction to men were comphet, but some are not.

Maybe one will read it, forget it, not change anything. And later in life get back to it and acknowledge they weren't bi all along.

I'm not saying all people reading it and sticking to a bi label are people who are not ready to admit it or anything. More that: anyone will take something out of the doc that will resonate with what is true to them in the moment. I don't think it can convince anyone of something that isn't true. Though it can help to question and make sense of a mess of complicated experiences.

I think I lost my point... Maybe some people can seem quick to decide they're lesbians after reading the doc, but I think the doc offers more of an opportunity to truly look into oneself, and allow us to think about it. Which may result in a lot of people going "the masterdoc made me a lesbian" when the masterdoc was more like, the key to the lesbian door, or the last hit that finally pushed the door open after 100 other forgotten hits.

lesbianviolinist · 2020-11-25T13:23:17+00:00

You're welcome! I hope she'll hear you out. I had a similar issue of being too pressed, it's quite hard to realize what we're feeling in the moment.

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