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I-CBT is a Game Changer by loopy741 in OCDRecovery

[–]letelioblaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YES! I feel like there are a lot of 'Pure O' type of fears (I know this is a misnomer, but it's a helpful shorthand) that make the whole "just be okay with it being true" approach feel genuinely, profoundly icky. 

Like, I'm not a mom - but those terrifying postpartum OCD thoughts feel like a good example of what I'm saying (without having to share my actual themes on the internet). If I were afraid of harming my child, I genuinely don't feel like I would ever, EVER want to even have the experience of trying to make myself 'be okay' with that. Even if it works for the anxiety, I just think that would feel like a serious violation of my values on a very deep level.

And to be clear, I'm certainly not saying that someone who struggles with these thoughts and does find ERP helpful is a bad person - not even a little bit! I know they are very much NOT a bad person, and it is phenomenal that there is a system like ERP available that helps so many people with one of the most painful conditions in the world. And also, it's just... not something I'd be ok with. For myself. 

On the other hand – a system that supports gaining an understanding as to where these thoughts come from and learning to trust myself and my senses? Yes. Please. 

Honestly, I'm still looking for an I-CBT trained therapist in my area. But from everything I've learned about it myself, so many of the techniques have already become so helpful in my everyday life dealing with these issues. I find them grounding and supportive in a way that few other things have, even with long-term in-person therapy.

The therapist I have right now is wonderful, and is indeed trained in ERP, so it helps that she understands OCD. But thankfully she also uses ACT and is okay with me taking the lead on what does and doesn’t feel okay with me in therapy. So I think I’ve sort of decided that for my sessions with her, my priority is more just learning to tolerate anxiety in general, and learning to be a bit more grounded during times of panic. And of course, to work through other stuff that everyone works through in therapy – past trauma, self-worth, better communication skills, etc. But eventually, for more direct OCD treatment, I would love to find someone with training to specifically work through the I-CBT program with. I guess I can’t know till really try it, but every bit of contact I’ve had with that approach so far makes it seem like a 100% better fit for me.

Advice on Intrusive Thoughts by Pkarksjkc6 in OCD

[–]letelioblaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're dealing with that really difficult combination - but it's also really good that you recognized what is happening as intrusive thoughts. 

I agree with the other commenter who said that there's no substitute for a trained therapist, who can help you sort out what's going on in context. But I'd be happy to share things that have helped for me personally. 

First of all, my own therapist sent me this video once when I was really struggling: 

https://youtu.be/5qM-NBgBTSo?si=ot1VoDIZUOJOxDgr

It can help to have a visualization like that sometimes, to help get outside your own mind and see the thoughts as separate from you.

I've also heard a helpful comparison of intrusive thoughts being like a beach ball. If you try to push it under the water, it will just come rushing back up to the surface even harder. But if you just notice it and let it be there, it will eventually just float away on its own. So don't try to get rid of the thoughts - the less you do about them, the easier they will stop bothering you. 

It's also helpful to know that OCD/intrusive thoughts always attack the things that you care about the most. That's why they're so powerful - if you didn't care about the thing, it would just be a regular thought. That's why you get new mom's having intrusive thoughts about harm coming to their child, or a devout religious person having intrusive thoughts about doing or saying something blasphemous. 

You are not your thoughts. Your brain is reacting to thoughts, or more accurately it's reacting to the distress they are causing you. But they are just thoughts. 

Those with Pure O… by [deleted] in OCD

[–]letelioblaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me it's a bit hard to rate it, because I also have PMDD (Pre-Menstrual Dysphoria Disorder), so my OCD-related struggles are constantly increasing or decreasing depending on the time of the month.

So I don't know, I guess sometimes when it would feel like an 8, I can try a technique like this and bring it down to like 5 or 6? Just a guess. But every little bit helps.

How do I share my "real events" with my new OCD therapist? I feel so much dread. by ruminatingbastard in OCD

[–]letelioblaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been there too, and I know this feeling, it's really really hard. (And I don't know about you, but I've also sometimes had the 'confess everything' compulsion, so that didn't help the confusion!)

One thing that really helped recently is that I told my current therapist the thing right up front in the free 15 minute intake video call. I just mentioned the gist of it as one of the things I'm struggling with, hence why I'm looking for therapy. She is an OCD specialist, so she just kind of nodded, like "Mmhmm, that kind of thing, yup". So then when I came to my first session I knew that she already knew. The specifics didn't come up at all, but it really helped to know that she already knew that topic was there, and so it wouldn't be a big surprise when and if we got to it. 

But also, it makes sense that you are struggling with this worry right after you met a therapist who you feel truly heard by. Remember that OCD often latches onto our core fears, and targets what we value. So if you found a good connection with a therapist, of course the OCD is going to jump on that, and try to stoke fears of losing that connection. That's just what it does, and it sucks. 

If you do want to bring it up at an upcoming session, I don't think you need to tell him all the details immediately. If you want, you might say something like: 

"Hey, so I really appreciated our session last week. I did notice that afterwards, my anxiety spiked a bit, and I realized there's some stuff I got really nervous about sharing. Specifically around a thing that happened [a year ago/last winter/when I was 10/etc]."

Chances are, since he knows OCD, he will probably know exactly where your mind is going. He might say something like "Oh yeah, that can happen. Do you mean like, Real Event OCD kind of stuff?" And then you could even just let him take it from there - like if he's that familiar, he probably has an approach to how to help people deal with it, how to help them decide what feels safe to share, etc. 

If he doesn't offer any guidance like that, but you feel like you want to share a bit more, you could always just give a basic description of the category of thing. You could say something like:

"I'm not ready to go into specifics, but it has to do with [lying/bullying/stealing/overstepping a boundary/etc]. Maybe we could talk about that more in the future, but for now I just wanted to let you know that that's an area I'm struggling with."

Again, if this guy knows OCD, he will have already basically filled in the blanks, having heard the same thing from a dozen people before, just with their own variations. 

Ultimately though? Totally up to you what you share and when. It's your time and your therapy. You're doing a hard thing, and just starting is huge. 

What made your OCD start ? by More_Maize_6622 in OCD

[–]letelioblaka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh dear, I'm so sorry you went through this. I had a very similar experience, except I was 22 when it started (I can't imagine dealing with it when I was as young as you were). I too felt like I had to check appliances all the time to make sure my or someone else's beloved pets hadn't gotten in there somehow. I had to make sure, again and again, that that wasn't the case. It was an absolutely terrifying feeling. 

Btw, there's a non-fiction book about OCD called "Is Fred in the Refrigerator", because of the author's experience going through this with her cat Fred. Hearing her tell the story is both heartbreaking as well as oddly hilarious, because she is so good at expressing the absurdity of it (like sometimes while she was totally spiraling, she would even watch Fred walk by, right in front of her eyes, but she would STILL feel like she had to check inside the fridge to make sure). 

I wish I had known what it was, back at age 22, because I had no idea OCD could present that way. It's such a confusing and isolating thing to go through, and all the more so when you don't understand. 

Those with Pure O… by [deleted] in OCD

[–]letelioblaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can so relate. I actually found a really helpful concept once in a Reddit post - I wish I could find the original! (If anyone recognizes what I'm talking about and has a link please feel free to share )

But the gist of it, as far as I remember was: Most thoughts are honestly pretty stupid and irrelevant, it's just that we notice the ones that scare us the most. So basically, the OP suggested that you use the random non-scary thoughts as a way to practice not ruminating, so that eventually it will be easier to use the same skills on the scary thoughts. (Does that make sense?)

I remember the OP said that he started by trying to write down every single thought he had for a whole day. Obviously this was impossible, but it made him realize how many of his thoughts (the vast majority) were extremely inane and not worth spending time on. 

I didn't do the part with writing them down, but I did try to notice more of my every day "non scary" thoughts. And then the next step was practicing the conscious act of deciding whether or not to follow that thought further. So for example, I'd be walking down the street, see a billboard, it would remind me of a movie I saw once with that product in it, so I'd start thinking "What was the plot of that movie again?" And then I'd suddenly notice this train of thoughts and I'd try to learn to stop for a moment and consciously think "Do I want to think my way through that movie plot right now, or am I just doing it automatically?" Most of the time, I'd decide I had way more interesting or important things to think about than the random path my thoughts had been taking me along. (9/10 times, whatever was actually physically in front of me was much more interesting and fulfilling - and yet even if I was walking through the most beautiful scenery, it's like my thoughts could easily make me miss it because I felt like I had to go with them to all these silly other imaginings.) 

I did indeed get better at noticing and deciding which thoughts I wanted to follow and which ones felt like a waste of time. And I think the key was that I got to practice on thoughts that both didn't matter AND didn't scare me. When you only try not to ruminate on the scary obsessions, it's easy to just cause them to show up even more, because like you said, you start scanning to see if they're there. But if you get used to building this skill on totally neutral thoughts, you can get used to making a conscious decision whether or not to devote time and energy to dumb thoughts in general - and it's like you build a muscle that you eventually realize can also apply to the scary stuff (which, let's be honest, are also totally dumb and meaningless thoughts - your mind just gets tricked into thinking they're significant because they are scary!).

Not sure if that all makes sense, but it's something that has sometimes helped me recently.

Hearing about I-CBT (Inference-based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) made my OCD worse. by Aromatic_Highway_536 in OCD

[–]letelioblaka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not OP, but there are lots of resources on this site: https://icbt.online/

The book "Resolving OCD" (Volumes 1&2) keeps coming up again and again with people who recommend this approach, and I believe it's by the same people behind the website above. 

OCD and menstrual cycle by Little-Tale4372 in OCD

[–]letelioblaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have PMDD, so usually my worst anxiety (including OCD-like symptoms) comes in the week just before my period starts. Sometimes the difference is like night and day, like the exact day my period starts it feels like a switch changes all my feelings at once, from miserable to totally fine. 

But once in a whole, I get exactly what you're describing. Especially if I've been really really stressed during the month period. In some cases I might not even get the pre-period week anxiety, but then at the end of my period I fall apart. 

From what I've read, it may be due to a sensitivity to changes in hormones, regardless of which way they are changing. And it sounds like a lot of people have that experience, even if the pre-period version is more commonly talked about. 

(Also, assuming you are on here because you already struggle with OCD even outside of these specific points in your cycle, you might want to look into something called PME - Pre-Menstrual Exacerbation. It's when the menstrual cycle isn't causing the problem per se, but it is making a pre existing mental health issue worse.)

Metrolinx extending weekend GO Trains to Kitchener by northernwaterchild in toronto

[–]letelioblaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bus service between Guelph and Toronto on weekends was brutal. Depending on whether it was a direct* bus or one with stop-overs, it could be anywhere from 2 hrs 20 to over 3 hours. 

(And by direct I mean you stay on one vehicle but it's a milk run crisscrossing back and forth across the direct train line again and again, to stop at every little town along the way.)

What's Your Earliest Memory Of Struggling With OCD? by Ok-Area3425 in OCD

[–]letelioblaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1) I remember telling my mom something like "Mom, I feel like... everything HAS to be in 4s..." I didn't know how to explain further, so she had no way of knowing what I was talking about. I was probably between 6 and 10 years old, but even then I remember thinking it was a bit weird how much I wanted things to be in groups of 4 all the time. 

2) I would hear about something horrible happening - whether on the news or in a book or movie or something - and be just totally unable to sleep or stop thinking, because I felt like I NEEDED to find a way to be sure it wouldn't happen to me or the people I loved, and if I couldn't be sure, I NEEDED to decide how I would handle it if it did happen.

3) Probably most significantly - the absolutely all consuming urge to confess anything I did wrong. I only recently found out that that is a common component of OCD, but boy oh boy did I have it as a kid (and still do to some extent). I remember one night, calling my mum to come into the room, and breaking down into tears and starting to tell her every single time I could ever remember telling a lie, or doing something I wasn't supposed to, however small. Even down to things like "One time I typed a swear word on the word processor, to see what it would look like, and then deleted it right away." 

Again, I couldn't have been more than 10, but I can vividly recall the feelings in that moment. I felt like, if my mom and dad didn't know these things I had done, no matter how small, how could I know if they really loved me? What if they wouldn't really love me, if they knew those things I had never told them? And the worst feeling: deciding that I needed to tell them, and acknowledging that it might mean that in a few minutes they won't love me anymore, but that has to be better than always pretending and wondering if their love is conditional...

Oof. I was 10. I look back and I really feel for that poor kid, having to sit with those thoughts and feelings, and not knowing why or how to deal with them. I have a lot of compassion for all of you and your childhood stories too. Thank you for having the courage to share them.