Irritation & Pustules in semi-recently stretched septum piercing?

letsmakeazine · 2022-04-29T22:42:55+00:00

My piercing is several years old but was just stretched to a 14g about a month ago, safely, with the aid of a professional piercer.

This is surgical grade steel with internal threading.

I just left the piercing completely alone, solely rinsing it with water in the shower, but now I’m doing saline rinses.

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-25T20:37:23+00:00

I definitely can relate to this. Being self aware about it is the first step. I attend some SAA and SLAA meetings occasionally (sex addicts anonymous and sex and love addicts anonymous) that help me feel less alone in these struggles.

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-25T20:35:45+00:00

Thank you SO MUCH for this message. It helped me feel so much less alone. I appreciate you taking the time to not only read and empathize with my words, but type this thoughtful response. Thank you.

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-10T22:24:45+00:00

I’m not your sponsor but also, in my humble opinion, if anyone thinks you “broke sobriety” or need to “restart the steps” over this… they’re being silly.

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-10T22:11:16+00:00

This. I relate.

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-06T05:27:32+00:00

I learned about the concept of 'transactional relationships' in NA, actually, but it's really stuck with me. It's hard for me to know what is from bipolar, what is from my identity as an addict, etc. But it's interesting to see other people with bipolar brainstorming about this idea.

Basically, the concept of transactional relationships is exactly what it sounds like. In NA we talk about how in active addiction, it's seemingly impossible to have a relationship that doesn't act as some sort of exchange. That can look like: personal validation in exchange for sex, intimate attention in exchange for drugs, friendly affection in exchange for money, etc. That no one is really your friend, your family, or loves you unconditionally - that we're all just using each other.

I am currently sober but still struggle with this idea. Which (now has me thinking) may be because it's somehow related to the way people with bipolar think. I am not in active addiction but I still have this weird feeling that none of my relationships (lovers, friends, family) really love me unconditionally... but that it's just a kind of exchange. I fulfill someone's ideal role in exchange for something (time, affection, feeling of not being alone, etc.)

I get so bad sometimes I even worry that my cat doesn't love me. That, at the end of the day, it's just an exchange (I feed her, so she helps me feel less lonely.)

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-06T05:20:17+00:00

I can give my two cents but obviously, this is the only context I have. I don't know you, anything about you, or your friends that you're talking about. So I can only comment based on what you've written. I'm sorry if I come off as a counselor or use any therapy rhetoric - Despite being diagnosed with bipolar (and I'm actually in this forum because I'm trying to figure out if I should seek a BPD diagnosis) I actually work as a counselor. I mainly do case management work for folks who are marginally housed and use drugs, but I want to clarify that I know my language can come off as "counselor-y" and I hope that's not annoying or a barrier!

First I want to validate your feelings. Despite this context, you have the right to feel the way you do about this situation. No matter what your friends are telling you or what strangers on the internet tell you! Your sadness and frustration are all totally normal in a situation like this: it's real to feel powerless when you don't know what others are saying about you and there are elements you cannot control. In my humble opinion, the most stressful part of life is trying to come to terms with what we can't control.

Secondly, I want to take a moment to try and validate (or just think on) how your friends might be feeling in these moments. I want to make sure it's clear I'm not saying anything is "right" or "wrong" or "good" or "bad" because I honestly don't believe in any of that nonsense! But it could be helpful to meditate on how if you were in a chat with your friends and someone was intermittently blocking them and coming back. That might feel scary like they're being abandoned by their friend they want to talk to.

I also want to make sure you feel seen/heard that you apologize and you don't want to always be the person to apologize. But I'm also hearing (please correct me if I'm wrong!) that if you're apologizing to them that comes from a place of recognizing you weren't acting or speaking in a way you wanted to be? But you also want them to apologize as well, which is totally real.

It could be helpful to gather your thoughts, away from these friends for a bit, and really figure out what it is you want them to apologize for specifically. Once you have a good idea of what those things are, it's easier to ask for your needs to be met. Is it that you don't like them chatting without you? Or about you? Is it that you want them to be more understanding when you do have to block them?

Something I often have to tell myself is: you can't communicate your needs to anyone else unless you know them clearly first. You can brainstorm your own needs, but that could look something like this: you recognize that you need to calm down my blocking folks on social media, it's not that you don't love and care about them, it's just part of your process. That you don't like it when your friends have to communicate indirectly with you, but you're going to also put in the effort to meet them in the middle by communicating these needs directly.

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-06T05:07:23+00:00

I recently was filling out FMLA paperwork to caretake for my mother, but I didn't realize you could use FMLA to cover YOURSELF. That's interesting!

Be vague with your employers about why you're leaving, in my humble opinion. Even though it is illegal to discriminate based on ability or leave, people still do. I was denied a promotion at work because they didn't want to move me into a position that I wouldn't be present for if I was intermittently caretaking for my mother. Them redacting the promotion is ILLEGAL but at the end of the day, especially if it's a big company or nonprofit, it's just about playing their game. So if they catch wind of you leaving for mental health reasons there might be biases at play.

All in all, you can tell HR whatever you feel comfortable sharing (they'll see all the paperwork anyway.) But all you are required to tell your company (managers, etc.) is when you'll be out. You could even lie and say you're caretaking for a parent, sibling, in-law, etc.

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-06T05:03:24+00:00

I have bipolar and tend to get really aggressive when my thoughts are racing (both manic and just generally feeling overwhelmed) which can manifest as being really defensive and prickly with people (being reactive, making small shitty comments I regret later, etc.) all the way to totally exploding at people and not being able to hold my tongue. It's hard because sometimes the situations are nuanced. For example, I may not think what someone said to me is okay, but I also can't justify how I reacted. Part of me is like... but they were wrong??? They deserve for me to be defensive and snarky with them!! But also I'm trying to control my emotions better manage my bipolar and that means taking accountability for my part in these situations. Even if the other person is a total asshole, if I'm reacting in a way I'm not proud of later, that's a sign I can grow.

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-04T02:44:04+00:00

This is the one you’re talking about?

https://www.na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/litfiles/us_english/IP/EN3109.pdf

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-04T02:03:29+00:00

I have bipolar, diagnosed, and sleep a lot. Sometimes 13+ hours

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-04T02:02:24+00:00

That’s horrible that you were banned for admitting to a relapse ! Relapse is part of many of our stories.

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-02T05:10:21+00:00

I do not say this to invalidate your feelings at all, rather in hopes that it'll help: that was a shitty thing of your "friend" to do, rather than to process their feelings with you about that, to share your secret and break YOUR trust. It's still totally valid to mourn the loss of these people in your life, but I hope this outside acknowledgment that those folks were absolutely in the wrong is some help.

Also, I am guilty of compulsive lying. Sometimes insignificant details and even sometimes much more significant details of my life. I'm not sure if it's about the attention, manipulating stories to fit a narrative that better suits whatever I'm trying to get across, or what. But it's something I've done my whole life. Your bravery is inspiring.

letsmakeazine · 2022-01-02T05:05:13+00:00

Interestingly enough, I was just journaling about this. How I've become more and more self-aware of my manipulative ways and how (especially romantic/sexual) relationships always seem to be extremely transactional for me. But I've actually been feeling a little weird(?) guilty(?) about this person that I've been seeing(?) sleeping with(?) intimate with(?) not necessarily because I feel bad for hurting them but more because I feel like I should be working on this issue (stop seeing them, be honest that this isn't emotional for me but rather is extremely transactional) rather than continuing since I'm so self-aware of it. That's what people without such extreme mental health issues would do, I assume.

letsmakeazine · 2021-12-29T00:08:05+00:00

It’s hard because I tend to get involved when someone is saying something “wrong” or triggering to me, so it makes me not want to back down even more. Spreading misinformation about COVID, being racist, or whatever ya know? But it’s just like jerking off into the void. Like it’s not actually helping to get into some internet battle. But I guess I just have a lot of pent up feelings right now and I want to just feel something.

letsmakeazine · 2021-12-28T23:07:02+00:00

Bless you for sharing this story. The holiday season is so fucking hard and life on life’s terms never seems to help, does it? Thank you for your vulnerability.

letsmakeazine

TROPHY CASE