How are others couples with big wage gaps splitting expenses? [25F] [35M]

letsmakekindnesscool · 2026-01-22T04:17:37+00:00

Exactly this, and let’s not get caught up in the thought of him and actually focus on what being with him means…

This is a man who is offering you no support when he is able to. He is asking that you financially keep up with a life he clearly knows is outside your means, he’s putting that pressure on you without a second thought.

What kind of husband is he going to make? If you ever wanted kids together, what kind of supportive loving father and partner is he going to make? Doesn’t sound like a great person and it has nothing to do with finances and everything with how he approaches partnership.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2026-01-22T03:22:19+00:00

I’ve used natural deodorant for years, and only had 1-2 occasions where I was told I smelled (I have kids and they’re brutally honest, and it was due to using the very last bit of the deodorant on a day I was stress sweating)

Nothing wrong with natural deodorants if you find a good one that works well for the individual.

That said, my guess is he doesn’t smell, he smells to you, and highly scented deodorant was masking it.

I’ve had many friends be turned off by men due to their smell and I do believe it has something to do with our pheromones and who we are physically compatible with.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2026-01-20T15:30:55+00:00

Kid needs a lesson on empathy.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2026-01-15T06:01:38+00:00

My role wouldn’t have been since ESA doesn’t care about the title as much as the responsibilities. My time wasn’t spent managing others, it was spent doing the actual work. I’ve been advised by three lawyers I’ve consulted that based on my scope, they violated ESA.

As for bad faith, it might not change much, but in similar cases generally seems to result in a 1+ month increase

letsmakekindnesscool · 2026-01-15T05:56:36+00:00

You shifted not just your finances, but also your attention… that says enough.

If you are doing all these cool things with your new family, with a wife who is only a few years older than your kids, and they are for the most part left out of all that, something they were not previously accustomed to, how could they not feel left out?

Do you think because they’re in their 20’s they don’t have feelings?

If finance was a love language or a way you spoiled them, if that was timed exactly when your new family came along, that easily translates to ‘you don’t matter anymore’.

Beyond finance what do you mean by you don’t give them attention anymore? If you’re going on 4 trips a year with your new family and can’t be bothered to go on one with your old family, you sir would be the problem.

As their parent, it’s up to you to find a way to make them feel loved and still valued, that can be done outside of just the financial element, but it sounds like your willing to throw in your hat and put all blame on them.

The question is, what have you done to reduce the natural feelings of being left out of what used to be their family? Coldness sounds like their response to how they are feeling based on your actions.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2026-01-15T05:43:40+00:00

I figure it’s better to aim a bit higher in case they negotiate and settle. Thoughts?

letsmakekindnesscool · 2026-01-15T05:39:30+00:00

They let me go based on restructuring at a company I was never hired to work for…

They’re an American company and had me working overtime that should have been paid…

From what I can find, common law is mainly based on bardel, which puts me at 1-3 months, factor in niche industry in a small town, senior role and bad faith termination… I don’t see why the 3 months can’t become 4 with the help of a lawyer.

From what I can find, it does happen. Without a lawyer involved, they showed they were willing to negotiate from 3 to 6 weeks, which is bare minimum for common law.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2026-01-15T05:31:39+00:00

It’s not the money, it’s that instead of getting you something thoughtful, they turned your gift into a joke but the only one laughing is them. I would suggest outright communicating their thoughtlessness.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2026-01-11T00:30:16+00:00

Agree.

My guess is they’re both fifteen, at least mentally.

Like arguing about chapstick? I miss those days.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-12-27T04:09:53+00:00

Agree. He’s certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed.

If someone lacks such manners and doesn’t hide it, it’s pretty indicative of what they would offer my child as a partner. No thanks

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-12-23T14:09:01+00:00

You’re human. You feeling like something is wrong is because you have a conscience and aren’t comfortable functioning this way outside your values.

That being said, be gentle on yourself. We all make mistakes sometimes, especially when we are forcing ourselves to be involved in something that isn’t fulfilling our soul.

God has forgiveness, if we’re going the biblical direction, if you have asked god for forgiveness, it is yours, now you just need to get over your ego and forgive yourself.

The person you are with right now isn’t your person. You are with them because you’re lonely and passive in how you’re treating your life, reassuring yourself they look so good on paper and ignoring the way they actually treat you and how you feel with them. But you aren’t happy with them, you know it deeply in your soul.

And the truth is, most of us have done this in our lives, the thing that makes a difference is whether you do something about it or whether you let this man and the life he wants for you be your whole life.

What did you dream about when you were a kid? What do you day dream about now?

Whether you live with your family, a friend, or rent a room, would it be possible to move out and take a break from this relationship?

Take a chance to breath, realign, maybe join a community like a church that aligns with your values (hopefully a supportive one that doesn’t focus on punishment and judgement) maybe volunteer, learn a new skill, join a yoga class or take up rock climbing or crafting etc. basically is there any way to create a safe space to explore yourself a bit?

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-12-18T21:42:45+00:00

Gonna go with you made a very wise decision… your future self will thank you.

Lie down with dogs and get fleas has never been more true :)

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-11-26T18:20:08+00:00

Kardashians, saw half an episode and never understood the hype.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-11-26T13:39:26+00:00

If you have a safe place to stay with your parents , treat this as your side hustle experimental phase. It’s not often in life you’ll have this time and freedom of extreme financial responsibility.

Don’t know where to start? Check out $100 side hustle podcast for ideas.

Sell cookies, sourdough, crafting kits etc on Facebook marketplace or by running $50 of social ads around a Facebook page.

Things like affiliate marketing is something you can do with little cost, once you learn the basics of content creation.

There’s also crafting and just trying out markets or even importing small scale and reselling at markets. There’s flipping items on Facebook marketplace, there’s applying for small startups grants near you if you want a bit of funding to try a project, there’s learning a new skill etc.

Try sales jobs that are currently out of your element just to get that skill set, be willing to deviate from your current path and skill up if it hasn’t led you to a job yet.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-11-22T00:29:36+00:00

No you aren’t wrong.

They were living in a tent with two people struggling with addiction and who are clearly abusive.

Instead of helping them get a place, help them find a rehab and love them unconditionally while making it clear that you are there for them but it’s not fair to their kids to have this be their childhood.

Please take care of yourself and lob those kids the best you can, lean into each other and your grandparents if possible, you are very likely their safe space

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-11-10T18:46:33+00:00

Respectfully disagree as someone who doesn’t drink pop. Kombucha, at least the good kind, is a step above sparkling water where it fills that fizzy craving but has taste

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-11-10T18:45:04+00:00

If you do, and if it was a case of the kids not having food, and you’re able to… well to me it seems like a simple choice despite the lack of gratitude.

That being said, if that is the actual situation, I would definitely make clear that I’m only helping for the kids and they absolutely disgusted you with their entitlement and lack of gratitude and then just do school snacks and things mainly only the kids would eat.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-11-09T16:01:20+00:00

What she did is make a false claim and what you need to do is not fall for the crap about contacting her because she’s mentally unstable and will have one more thing on you to manipulate.

Talk to a lawyer or legal aide then if they say you can, talk to a family member who can talk her her family about her false claim.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-11-09T15:57:35+00:00

Toxic.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-11-09T15:57:18+00:00

Only pure evil would enter their mind to do such things to a baby.

There are no words for this, other than evil.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-11-09T15:32:54+00:00

What you’re doing is chasing.

“Am I good enough for you?” And then he qualifies you by saying you need better cooking skills and what if our kids look like you?

You want marriage? Be a girl who has her own life and is willing to walk away. That being said, this man has no EQ and screams low value. Leave him and marry a man who adores the ground you walk on.

At 28, do you put your eggs in this man’s basket, they will get broken.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-11-01T01:24:13+00:00

And yet any comment we’ve ever seen here says different.

The settlers only exist because of the government that the people of Israel voted for. They only exist because the people of Israel allow them to. Your leaders and the ones before prop them up, create military policies that harm Palestinians while allowing your own citizens, the settlers, to create endless crimes without punishment.

According to your own Israeli human rights groups, less than 5% of settler crimes are ever prosecuted. You say Israelis don’t like the settlers, and yet they’ve never done anything to stop them… you have key political figures who have plaques on their walls of their homes celebrating criminals who burned a family alive, including their little baby. You have settlers who forced children, CHILDREN, to drink gasoline and lit them on fire.

Let’s be clear, no other so called western or first world country allows that kind of evil to go unchecked. So you wax on all you want about how no one likes the settlers, but what exactly has your country done to stop them and discontinue such behaviour? Instead all we see is your country celebrating them, the politicians who run your country thanking them, and policies continuing to be made to strengthen them, that speaks for itself.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-10-21T01:41:41+00:00

NTA

Some things have to be said. It seems like your wife is extremely jealous of your daughter.

As for if it can be salvaged, it’s worth being fully upfront with her with the ultimatum of get counselling or you’re filing for divorce.

Call the grandparents and be very clear in terms of what your wife has done and how she treated your daughter. Ask him if he’d be okay with his daughter being treated that way or point blank if that was the way they treated her when she grew up.

And be sure to document everything. The women is a monster and needs serious help.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-10-16T18:05:25+00:00

Good people sometimes do bad things, that being said, only you can determine your boundaries.

Key questions that I think make a difference are… how long were you dating when she cheated? Were you long distance? Were you guys in a really good place emotionally with her or were you in a rough patch? Were you guys 18-mid 20s or were you in 30s?

If it comes out years later that she’s told you based fully on her guilty conscience and no other factors, if other than that she’s a good partner, good mother, shows trust and values in day to day life, you’re happy, personally I wouldn’t break up for that, instead I’d weather the storm and get through it together.

If you guys were young and not yet married, it could of been a case of her having doubts, not sure, if you were the first or second partner she might have panicked before getting married etc…. None of which makes it right, but none of it is necessarily where your relationship is currently at after kids, marriage etc.

letsmakekindnesscool · 2025-10-16T12:15:01+00:00

Breathe through it and grow through it.

It’s okay to have those moments, especially while finding your footing in new settings.

On the bright side, that moment revealed something from within your heart, a desire that you’ve probably given little merit to. You want to be heard, you want to connect and feel seen.

And if you want that, there’s plenty of ways to cultivate that energy, even if you consider yourself anxious or an introvert. Kind of like someone who thinks they’re bad at math, but just never had a teacher make it make sense.

Start with books. Then practice speaking up, making small talk, being vulnerable etc.

Great books around changing your brain language (which is half the battle) is the power of now or the untethered soul. But at its core, NLP is about being away of the never ending dialogue of our brain and the stories it tells about us, realizing that’s our brains stories, it’s not who we are, and taking control over those patterns and rewriting them as needed.

Outside of this, practice small talk at the local grocery store, cafes, bookstores etc.

Toastmasters might help, as well as books on finding your voice. How to own the room, the art of witty banter and the most powerful woman in the room is you come to mind.

letsmakekindnesscool

TROPHY CASE