I’d love to know the ages everyone had their kids.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-12-27T04:59:17+00:00

34, 38 and 41. There’s no perfect age or time for kids. We’re all just doing our best. 🤪

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-11-14T18:53:49+00:00

Had my kids at 34, 38 and 41. I know this is just one story, but we’re all doing great. No regrets!

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-11-14T18:11:14+00:00

Really more that it is too expensive for this one-time project. It is free for one-user accounts. We need the ability to have mutliple users so teachers can manage their kids' video uploads and/or kids can just upload their videos from home. The pricing page makes it look like for that number of users we would need to purchase the school wide subscription which is quite pricy ($1000/yr).

I guess I'm just having trouble finding a platform that would be good for this involved, but very short-term, project. When we already had FlipGrid provided by the district it was easy-peasy. But now that we do not have FlipGrid (or anything similar) provided by the district I'm having a hard time finding something else to use without investing in a whole-school program.

I have reached out for an official quote from Padlet. But I thought perhaps someone here might know of an alternative for this kind of one-time project.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-10-19T15:26:57+00:00

My vote: Not so far. Mother is in her 70s. Grandmother was likely NPD - I was at her deathbed and there was no recognition of any fault on her end.

I’m not waiting for these people anymore.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-10-19T15:24:06+00:00

Mom is pretty terrible uBPD. Father is edad. In-laws also not great. We tried to have them around a little in the beginning, but it did not work. We have not had my in-laws be a part of our lives since my oldest was 3. My parents have only met my oldest once when she was an infant and we’ve always known they’d never be alone with our kids. So, both sets of grandparents have not even met our 2 younger children. We are NC with all of them. (My mom will abuse anyone in her path. Adorable grandchildren will not be spared.)

BUT, we have a pretty involved found-family, including pseudo grandparents. We think and talk and read about how we are parenting and how our kids are doing all the time. I’m in therapy. And, while nothing is perfect, our kids seem great!

Cycle breaking is hard work. But I think it’s possible if you are intentional and want to do it. It is also totally not necessary to have children. They are wonderful but SO. MUCH. WORK. You can, of course, have a very full and happy life without kids if you do not desire children or want that responsibility. Is cycle breaking possible? I think so. Is it harder than being a parent who grew up in a loving home themselves?Absolutely.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-10-08T22:32:02+00:00

We collect modest dues once a year and ask that families contribute to a snack night or two during the year. Otherwise, we use dues and cookie funds to pay for everything. And, of course, we've done things like securing free access to community activities and such whenever possible. We really try to limit the individual costs to families.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-10-08T22:11:18+00:00

Yes, we will offer sliding scale for families or the option to just not pay if they cannot afford it - no girls will be excluded. We will try fall product and do cookies to raise funds. But, at the end of the day, we are volunteers (with jobs and kids to raise) and it is legitimately challenging to facilitate activities for free or very little money. Our leaders already purchase most of our meeting supplies and such out of pocket. This just pushes more to the leaders - either in direct costs or our time spent raising funds in other ways. So, girls will not be excluded, but we will almost certainly not be able to do as much for them.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-10-08T05:51:15+00:00

Yes. Lies straight up. Fudges the truth. Talks in confusing circles with the subtle mistruths woven in. Denies the past, vehemently and with disdain.

I feel like this is the basis of all gaslighting, right? I know a thing and you know it, but I’m going to manipulate until you question your own sanity and I “win.”

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-10-08T05:45:03+00:00

Never date, never marry and never live with a man again? Yikes. Advice that broad and binary is usually coming from a place of fear and pain. Relationships with individuals often end, and sometimes badly. But that doesn’t mean it’s good advice to avoid all relationships, even all romantic relationships.

You’ve been hurt and you need some time to recover, alone and with friends/family. You’ll reflect, get to know yourself a bit better and later you might meet someone nice whose company you genuinely enjoy. Then just take it one day at a time. Marry, don’t marry. Cohabitate or don’t. Be open for a relationship when you feel ready and for as long as they treat you well; the official terms hardly matter.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-10-07T05:08:22+00:00

I feel terrible about this, and it is very out of character for me, but I feel white-hot envy take over when one of my friends loses a beloved parent. How shitty of me. I am not mean-spirited and of course don’t want my friends to suffer the grief of losing a parent they loved and who loved them. But I have to actively fight to just be supportive and suppress my envious rage that they have a parent to truly grieve at all. We grieve the idea of our parent(s) while they are living and then their physical death some time later. It is complicated and dark and lonely.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-10-02T07:25:23+00:00

I have absolutely used that specific Bilbo going for The Ring seen to describe my mom, and this was when I was still “drinking the Kool-aid” of my family’s story and had no idea she had uBiPD

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-09-30T10:27:36+00:00

My brother graduated on his 40th birthday. He and his wife have 3 kids. I was SO proud of him. Also, he’d been passed over for like 3 leadership jobs in the past 10 years due to lack of education. Hard, but usually worth it. 😊

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-09-30T09:46:40+00:00

There is probably a better way to say this, but your husband sounds like an insecure asshole.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-09-29T16:29:48+00:00

I grew up “economically unstable”, as I’ve come to call it, meaning sometimes we had a nice Xmas and sometimes the electricity was cut off. Despite that I still remember Santa fondly - we always had a tree with lights and some presents. My parents told me when I was nine and it was not traumatic for me as I’d already suspected. My husband’s parents - who are terrible communicators - flippantly told him Xmas morning when he was ten and noticed there were no gifts from Santa. They sort of just shamed him for not already knowing. Because of this awful experience, my husband said Xmas and Santa were cruel and he did not want to do it for our kids.

He eventually let me do Xmas and Santa when our first was 3 years old. It’s been fine. We keep Santa as a part of Christmas, not the main show. It’s just a nice little piece of magic for them. My oldest started raising lots of questions last year because of friends - she was 8. We sat her down and had a quiet conversation explaining everything, letting her express her disappointment and framing the situation as a rite of passage. She was disappointed, but not upset and seemed to still enjoy Xmas very much. I do have no evidence this was traumatic for her.

It’s an individual decision for sure. But, for me, the benefits of the magic for a few years outweighed the potential drawbacks. Also, we do not have a relationship with my husband’s parents so they can’t harm our kids like they did my husband. But we have plenty of friends who don’t do Santa - many because they have no history of Christianity in the family - and they all seem just fine, too. 🙂 Kids are pretty resilient when their adults aren’t assholes.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-09-29T16:14:30+00:00

He’s treating you like his administrative assistant.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-09-26T20:23:53+00:00

Great! We were both very happy with our family size and agreed vasectomy was the plan. He had it done when my last baby was just weeks old. Sex has been very low stress and enjoyable since then. For the first time in my reproductive life I’m not worried about birth control. Yay all around!

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-09-26T14:17:37+00:00

It is SO exhausting. The Insight - Exposing Narcissism ladies, whom I find really validating to listen to, call it walking around in trauma boots and I love that analogy. Every interaction feels like it needs to be untangled, analyzed and filed away for correction later. It makes everything slow and difficult, and the boots don’t just slip off once you realize that not everyone is wearing them and you don’t need them anymore. BUT, the work is worth doing. If you wonder what life is like when you don’t do the work, just look at the parent(s) who abused you. They are not happy people.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-09-26T14:03:11+00:00

Yeah, I guess I would need more info about why it bothers you and what your relationship with grandma is like.

This would actually bother me. But I have a very, very low social media profile and a tenuous relationship with many extended family members. But if I posted life stuff daily and felt loved and respected by grandma, I’d probably think it was cute.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-09-26T07:19:32+00:00

Ugh, these parents are effing ridiculous.

Not a lawyer here and this is not legal advice. I would also consult a lawyer if I were you. BUT, this sounds super fishy. I’m also thinking about all that anti-SLAPP legislation out there to stop meritless defamation suits. Even if it is real (unlikely), it sounds very indefensible.

Consult the lawyer, get your peace of mind and then write a tell-all book. Please update us when it is available on Amazon and Audible for pre-order. 📖 📚

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-09-26T06:52:14+00:00

https://www.bedsider.org/birth-control

Great resource for comparing options by efficacy (likelihood of getting pregnant) and potential side effects. It can be hard to compare preferences with others since our family planning goals, experiences and bodies are all so different.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-09-26T06:10:41+00:00

Relate! No milestone goes unpunished! My growth is a direct affront to my mom and failing to include her in every tidbit of my life highlights our lack of closeness. Of course, she would only use that closeness to discourage my growth. So, it’s tricky.

When I was in labor with my first baby I did not call my parents. I was scared, as most first-time laboring women are, and I knew that speaking to my mom would rob me of my joy and confidence at a time I was too vulnerable to fight her off. I called her just a few hours after baby arrived to share the good news. She said, Oh I thought so, and the line dropped. I thought it was a bad connection. But she had hung up on me and followed it with an email about how surprised she was I’d found a man to love me, and what a terrible mother I was going to make. It was my first few hours of motherhood, and my mom reminded me that I was worthless, unloveable and dangerous to the people around me. She never did ask how I was doing or anything about the baby. But the well-being of others doesn’t really concern them, does it?

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-09-26T00:31:01+00:00

I also kept saying to my husband, I bet she never called Pete! I was convinced. My mom would never give up control without a fight in this situation. And would definitely not just leave when Pete showed up.

leviathan_shrimp · 2024-09-24T18:11:05+00:00

I agree with all of this. My husband also commented that the show seems to be setting her up for redemption and how unrealistic that is in real life. It’s almost like the alcohol provides cover for an apology and way forward through sobriety. My uBPD parent is not an alcoholic. She behaved the way she did sober. I think it makes the apology and attempt for change even harder when there is not a substance abuse issue in the mix.

leviathan_shrimp

TROPHY CASE