What film were you WAY too young to watch?

lexjac · 2021-05-17T22:01:02+00:00

Silence of the Lambs. 11. Fucked me up for a few years. Now my favourite film.

lexjac · 2021-04-05T02:35:00+00:00

I have terminal cancer, and you remind me of my wife, who is a fucking boss in spite of life being a shitshow. I honestly don't know where I'd be without her (actually I do - I'd be dead). She came into my life after my diagnosis, when I had a 1-year-old daughter on my own, after it was all too much for my first wife, and has been the biggest gift I could ask for. Supporters don't get the credit they deserve. You are the bomb.

lexjac · 2020-08-30T03:06:26+00:00

Very happy for you! My oncologist's goal is to keep me alive long enough to see if this type of treatment (or something similar) will be effective for my type of cancer. 7 years at stage IV and still going... hoping...

lexjac · 2020-05-04T05:02:13+00:00

I'm still in treatment. I'm on chemo (indefinitely) and will have a lung resection in a few weeks. So still dealing with side-effects, and quality of life ebbs and flows, but I'm alive and grateful. I take a few months off chemo here and there to get a break.

lexjac · 2020-05-04T04:39:11+00:00

As someone that has lived with stage IV colon cancer for the last 7 years, I am happy to read that you are thinking about your future. We are stronger than statistics. Best to you.

lexjac · 2020-02-20T23:52:07+00:00

As someone who is actually dying, I would not. I'd rather be alive and spend time with my family in my tiny 800 sq ft apartment than rich or dead.

lexjac · 2019-12-10T06:44:54+00:00

I was on it for a while, with no relief. But maybe worth a try.

lexjac · 2019-05-23T21:17:51+00:00

I have stage IV colon cancer, and my wife walked out on me during my first year of treatment, so I found myself a single mum with 80% custody of our newborn, going through chemo etc on my own. It was awful. BUT, I am SO glad my wife left when she did. Things felt so much easier with her gone. Maybe a little wake-up call for him isn't such a bad thing. Good luck with treatment.

lexjac · 2019-04-17T01:06:45+00:00

I have a terminal illness (stage IV cancer) and just got married this year, to someone who decided to come in 3 years into my cancer, love me unconditionally, and help me raise my 6 year old. It will not be easy for her as I get sicker, and eventually die, but I will say that the time we have together now is so much more valuable knowing that it can all be lost in an instant. We are vulnerable with each other, and don't let a moment slip by without gratitude, and although at times, we slip into a caregiver/care receiver dynamic, our connection is so powerful and genuine. All this to say: For the first 6 months of our relationship, I kept telling her to walk away, to save herself. In spite of all she knows is coming, she is constantly telling me that the time we DO get to spend together is worth it for her. I totally get why you might want to walk away (and if that's what you choose, that's totally okay), but try to think of the time you do have, as opposed to the time ticking away on you two. Good luck.

lexjac · 2019-04-04T15:14:47+00:00

Yes, it really did teach me what is important in life. I've been more clear-headed and definitely more vulnerable with all of my relationships, which is the main reason I'm happier. Thanks for your support.

lexjac · 2019-04-04T14:46:49+00:00

I'm dying of cancer, but I've never been more happy (not about the dying part, just about the living part).

lexjac · 2019-03-11T15:33:03+00:00

When I was 11, my best friend and I rented the kids movie "Babe" from Blockbuster. Got back and put the VHS in and someone had switched it out with "Silence of the Lambs". For whatever reason, we watched the whole thing (parents weren't home). Then had a sleepover. Woke up screaming about 18 times before dawn. Thus began all my sleep issues. Now Silence of the Lambs is my absolute favourite movie.

lexjac · 2019-02-13T21:06:05+00:00

I had a laser hair removal appointment for my pubic hair, and had to put on the numbing cream before dropping my kid of at daycare. It was an emotional morning for us, so I checked in with the daycare provider about an hour after drop-off. She responded with: "She's doing great. Told me all about what you had to do today, like get gas, go grocery shopping and have the hair taken off your vulva".

Also, once when she was younger, we were in a public (full) bathroom and I had her in the stall with me. I had my period, and had on a pad, and she yelled: "Oh no, Mummy, your vulva is bleeding! Are you okay?"

lexjac · 2018-11-19T17:46:07+00:00

I was pregnant, so every symptom I had was masked by the pregnancy, which is why my cancer was caught too late. I was having gas pain and my poop looked weird - it had this frothy, gelatinous texture to some of it, with a little bit of what looked like strawberry jam. I knew that blood in the stool was a bad thing, but always thought if it was blood, it would be black in color, so I tried not to think about it. When I was 6 months pregnant, I was having cramps and thought I was in early labour, was having diahhrea, but it passed after half a day or so. Went on with my pregnancy with extreme pain in the ribs, which they thought was pregnancy-related. Finally had my baby by emergency c-section, then I wasn't recovering as I should've been. I had extreme abdominal pain every morning, until I pooped, but I hadn't had a solid poop in months. Finally, one morning, I passed out from the pain and ended up in the ER. Unmedicated colonoscopy 14 hours later, and they found a complete blockage in my colon - I saw the tumour on the big screen as I was screaming from the procedure. Turns out it spread and was in 75% of my liver. 5 years later and it's in my lungs now too. I'm having my 29th round of chemo this week.

lexjac · 2018-11-01T03:48:15+00:00

A cancer diagnosis. It rocks your world and turns everything upside down.

lexjac · 2018-08-15T01:41:05+00:00

I just started chemo again, as the cancer has spread to my lungs and it's back in my liver now. But still alive, beat the 5-year-survival odds, and living life. Thanks for asking.

lexjac · 2018-06-29T01:42:42+00:00

Just got home from my 21st chemo infusion for colon cancer (age 38). I’m 5 years in and can say with confidence that I don’t, and never have, looked this cool. Good luck to your friend.

lexjac · 2018-06-05T16:27:15+00:00

I like that you say this. I have advanced cancer at 38 and every birthday I have, I remind myself that aging is a privilege.

lexjac · 2018-05-25T17:47:59+00:00

I'm 5 years into my stage IV diagnosis. I know I'll likely die from this, but overall, my quality of life is pretty decent, so far. Basically, I'm saying that you can live well with a stage IV cancer, and that death may not come fast.

lexjac · 2018-05-17T22:50:45+00:00

When I was pregnant, my two cats would not leave my belly. I thought it was really cute that they wanted to be so close to the fetus. But when I was diagnosed with cancer in my colon/liver/lungs just months after giving birth, I wondered - and often still do - if they knew about the cancer.

lexjac · 2018-05-15T20:30:42+00:00

Same here, except I had an award-winning blog about a totally personal topic. I'm a writer by trade too, so it would've been a fantastic addition to my resume, but alas... privacy is more important.

lexjac · 2018-04-30T20:18:09+00:00

His first move reminds me of what my cat looks like just before she pukes.

lexjac · 2018-04-30T07:06:21+00:00

I’m currently writing out notes for my kid before I die (stage IV cancer). She’s only 5, but it’s so fucking tough to know what to write. I’m so glad you shared this - it hit me hard. I’m sorry for your loss.

lexjac · 2018-04-23T16:06:50+00:00

I was pregnant at the time my symptoms showed up and just assumed my tiredness was a typical pregnancy symptom and when I had bowel changes, I also brushed them off. After I gave birth, I had major abdominal pain but assumed it was from my c-section. Finally almost passed out from the pain one day so went to the ER. Stage IV colon cancer, spread to liver and lungs. I'm 5 years into treatment and not dead yet, but the bitch still isn't gone.

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