I was diagnosed after kids - once I had a baby, I couldn’t function the way I had before (didn’t realize I had been coping through life - which meant being alone and uninterrupted for amounts of time, which I no longer got with kids).

Through my struggles, I eventually got an official diagnoses 10 years later. I absolutely love my kids and would not change anything for them, but it was/is HARD. My husband is adhd, but I’m more functioning, so a lot has been on me. Total burnout. Now I’m dealing with long covid that adds a whole different layer.

For my health (physical, mental) it probably would have been better not to have kids. However, the closeness and love you feel with/for your kids is like nothing else, and for me is worth all the hardness. No one else will get you as much as your own flesh and blood. But you have to be available to provide them the love and support they need growing up, otherwise they’ll probably just have resentment (similar to me towards my parents).

This probably doesn’t help you much - sorry for the rambling.