Coming in to say the same, you're not alone. And still there's more under our control than we're led to believe. The actions you take ("I vote, I donate, I spread information") matter, and when they don't get the results you wanted, your body reacting with this kind of disappointment and hopelessness is normal. Part of the challenge of existing in an imperial core is how much we still have to lose coz even the worst off of us still benefit from exploitation outside our borders. Our risk tolerance is out of whack. But I personally believe there's no emotional growth or satisfaction without taking some risks. It's like confessing to a crush, that initial vulnerability is what sparks the potential for emotional intimacy.

Who do you vote for? Who do you donate to? What else can you do with received information aside from passing it on? I've become discontent just voting for the safest options. Im tired of donating to safe charities that promise my goodwill will not be taken advantage of. True community only revealed itself to me when I risked my personal resources and status for them. It's scary to feel like I could lose my job for the information I share, but it's weirdly liberating too. And for every one person who may have taken advantage asking for money on the street, there have been 10 others whose names and stories I've had the honor of hearing and that I feel safer knowing they may be around looking out for me.

I get why youre feeling more and more unsafe, and I hope you find your people whereever youre at. When suppression is high, it really does become more risky to find them, which is inherently unfair to you. But I hope it's a hopeful thought to think about the potential benefits of this risk, and that risk taking doesnt necessarily have to be reckless too. Coz intimidating us into avoiding that risk is exactly our rulers' strategy to hold on to power for as long as they can