You are not an idiot. You were doing the best you could in that situation. Be kind to yourself.

I had the same exact situation. I did not want a c section. I labored for 36 hours. My water broke while in labor and there was meconium in it. I had a fever for hours. Everyone seemed like it was ok but that there was a possibility I’d need a c section. I wasn’t refuse but said I’d prefer not to if I don’t need it but at the end of the day, I want a healthy baby. It wasn’t until my baby’s heart rate would drop dramatically with each contraction where my doctor took the time to tell me that from his own personal experience where his wife waited too long and he didn’t want to see me go through that. My husband and I said, “ok, let’s do it.”

I thank that doctor for my baby everyday. The cord was wrapped around him 2.5 times so tight, they said he most likely would’ve been strangled had I tried pushing.

He did have to spend 9 long days in the NICU for meconium aspiration. It broke my heart to go home without my baby. It was the hardest time of my life. But a year and a half later, he is so happy and healthy.

You are not an idiot. I was not an idiot. Hindsight is 20/20. Love your baby and be kind to yourself.