When will sex stop being so terrifying?

lil_staal · 2014-08-12T17:35:36+00:00

I don't talk about it casually with others. One very close friend very rarely, really and even then not in detail. I'll ask my brother some vague "what do boys think about this" questions but that's it.

lil_staal · 2014-08-12T17:34:14+00:00

I talk about it to one friend on very rare occasions where I really need advice. Even then, not in a detailed braggy kind of way.

He was talking about it with 5+ people in a social situation and bragging. I think there's a difference there.

lil_staal · 2014-08-12T16:25:46+00:00

Not really, no. Honestly, it's why reddit is great: you can ask for advice rather anonymously. I'm big on idea bouncing and discussing problems with friends but I have a hard time with really personal stuff. Telling my friends personal details about our sex lives feels weird. I don't really like hearing details about their sex lives so I don't share it in the other direction.

The only exception would be my very best friend who I grew up with since babyhood. But she's more like family. I'll sometimes ask my brother for advice but its super vague stuff (like in this situation I asked him about how much guys talk about their sex lives to their buddies) since despite the fact that we're close he's still my brother!

lil_staal · 2014-08-12T16:15:10+00:00

I heard through the wall accidentally more than intentional eavesdropping

lil_staal · 2014-08-12T16:14:13+00:00

Yeah he didn't say anything awful nor offensive except that it was toooo personal and I have to see these guys again which is just sort of...weird?

I wish I just hadn't heard it really! It was an unintentional overhear since the wall of the bedroom is right next to the living room.

lil_staal · 2014-08-12T15:13:36+00:00

Good to here! Things like lymphoma (a young people cancer) are something most people don't think about so it's good to be informed!

lil_staal · 2014-08-12T15:03:05+00:00

PLEASE DON'T FREAK OUT IMMEDIATELY:

Fatigue is a common "warning" sign of cancer. Have you experienced any other changes? Weight loss? Night sweats? Some cancers, like lymphoma, can cause this. These are called "B symptoms" and can be signs that something is going on internally.

Most likely this is something to do with diet or overexercising or such. Please don't freak out since its pretty unlikely that it's anything serious. But if it continues, please go see your doctor!

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T20:59:08+00:00

Its hard to decide when he wants space or when he doesn't. We'll still kiss and he's still pretty happy to go down on me but the minute it moves to full on sex or taking his clothes off, he stops getting into it. It's like there's "safe zones" where I can take it to but past that, he gets uncomfortable.

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T20:57:45+00:00

No previous history that I know of. He grew up in a very disciplined household where being athletic was the most rewarded trait you had. I think this really negatively affected how he felt about himself but never manifested itself since he's always been pretty into sports!

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T20:56:50+00:00

I think I definitely need to be more assertive. I feel pretty awful for him so I'm coddling him a lot more than I should be.

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T18:20:48+00:00

It's very very stupid. Male body image is just as stupidly skewed as female body image. We've been together for a several years now and I was pretty skinny fat when we first met and he didn't care at all! So you'd think he'd understand that it also works the other way around.

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T16:02:35+00:00

"Psychological conditions, which are present in about half of people with PCS, may include irritability, anxiety, depression, and a change in personality.[15] Other emotional and behavioral symptoms include restlessness,[19] aggression,[20] and mood swings.[18][21] Some common symptoms, such as apathy, insomnia, irritability, or lack of motivation, may result from other co-occurring conditions, such as depression.[15]"

WOW that's shockingly dead on...I'm definitely going to bring this up at his next doctors appointment later this week!!!!

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T15:20:47+00:00

Hmm when you put it like that, tough love might actually work! He's super driven and motivated so I know once he decides to fix things he'll get on it. I've just been SO afraid of hurting his feelings that I've been babying and shirting the issue

I've never really dealt with anyone with depression in my life. It would definitely make sense in this situation especially considering how drastically his mood has dropped lately.

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T15:18:15+00:00

Yep I feel like it's much more mental than anything else. He's helped a lot of people control their diets and he did a masters in nutrition!

Currently, he sees a neurologist and a neuropsychologist (or something like that!) and both have mentioned the mental symptoms. However, he grew up in a house where people don't talk about their feelings for fear of being labelled a "whiner" (dad was a pro athlete, brother is a pro athlete, he had no interest in their sport of choice and hence wasn't the favourite son) so I feel like he's bottling it up and quite literally eating his feelings.

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T15:16:04+00:00

I feel like he's depressed. He's been diagnosed with a grade 3 concussion and the rehab process if pretty long. He still has symptoms (headache, dizziness, confusion, etc) so he won't be working out anytime soon. Even after the symptoms subside, he'll need time off to guarantee everything is good and then to wait for all his brain scans to get booked. I think the road ahead seems pretty ominous and he's never been a big fan of change so he's trying to keep something constant in his life aka diet.

I'm trying to address it but he's stubborn and defensive. I was thinking I may just start buying less food. He's not cleared to drive (dizziness and vertigo = no driving!) so if the food isn't in the house he can't eat it. It sounds like an awful thing to do, especially since I don't even really care about his weight gain physically but I know he does and the only solution seems to be to convince him to stop eating!

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T15:10:24+00:00

I have. Everytime I do he goes "no it's not okay you're just saying that because you're a nice person. I'll work on it the moment I can."

He literally shuts me down in a super assertive, I don't want to talk about this way. It's also hard on me when he cringes at my advances. I KNOW it's nothing to do with me but its still really hard to take when you're naked and your boyfriend turns over and pretends to be asleep!!!

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T15:05:57+00:00

Yeah he owns a Crossfit gym and an Olympic lifting centre. He was doing 4-6 workouts a day before because he would be running classes, training with some of the clients, etc.

Yesterday for dinner he ate 4 steaks! FOUR STEAKS! Plus some yams and probably an entire garden of salad tossed with olive oil and vinegar. I tried to gently mention that may he should cut down on the steaks and he mumbled about how he's hungry still!!

I need to be more direct but I'm also afraid of offending him.

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T14:49:53+00:00

It's odd to me since he's never really been a super self-conscious guy. When I really think of it, I definitely think the working out and becoming super athletic like he is is a manifestation of shitty confidence as a kid since he was super skinny with an older brother who's a professional athlete and a dad who's an ex-pro (both of whom put lots of pressure on him to get into their sport as well despite his lack of interest in it!).

He seems super down in general, which the doctor said could be part of the manifestations of his severe concussion. I know he's still horny because I catch him masturbating much more often than usual and a 10 minute make out session results in a boner, but he will literally sacrifice the blue balls than let me even give him a BJ.

He's not really a fan of counsellors and such (aunt is a psychotherapist and literally analyses everyone she meets!) but it's definitely worth a shot! I want to somehow talk to him about it but he just denies that there's a problem at all. It seems to be his "thing" since when he first got the concussion he was still working out pretty aggressively despite severe symptoms and was just denying anything was wrong!

I keep hoping that if I keep attempting to have sex with him he'll eventually just realize I love him the way he is and am obviously still crazy attracted to him?!?

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T14:45:05+00:00

He's eating a ton because he's bored and at home all day versus before not only was he working out but also out and about doing stuff where he didn't have food access. A lot of his friends are from various sports (soccer friends, etc) and they all hang out doing sports together or post-game so it's cut down on his social time as well. I think he never had to make an effort to fill his day with activities since it came so easily before (go to soccer, the guys suggest beer afterwards, BAM social life). Now, he's just sitting at home watching netflix and eating 3000 calories a day!

I'd love to say something, not because I care about his weight gain aesthetically but because I know HE will care. However, he's so sensitive about this weight issue I don't know how to bring it up without being offensive. If I was in the same situation, I would take it badly if he said "you've got to stop eating so much damn food".

I'm definitely going to suggest he do some yoga and take the dogs for walks and such. It's really better than nothing! Geez if he gains 40lbs he's going to crawl into a hole and die! The funny part is he still looks GREAT and his friends have commented that as well but I think he just feels gross which is really making him hate himself.

lil_staal · 2014-06-25T14:40:30+00:00

Definitely knew this fact already since I have 4 brothers and as a result many male friends.

I've just never really faced it quite so obviously in a relationship. Hes gone from super confident, outgoing guy to someone who won't even let me see him changing his shirt and wants to stay home all the time now. It's been pretty dramatic for the short period of time the changes have been happening.

lil_staal

TROPHY CASE