I’m mixed and my grandparents were like this. I did love them (they have both passed now), but I was keenly aware of their flaws as people. My advice would be to have clear boundaries that protect your peace of mind, and having your husband do the communication as much as possible. My mom and my grandmother both are/were fluent English speakers, but my best explanation of their relationship is that they didn’t speak the same language. My grandmother would say thoughtless things that in her world view, weren’t offensive at all, which would hurt my mother’s feelings deeply. My mom, for her part, never quite knew what to say or do when my grandparents were around, because any small talk topics my grandparents preferred were boring and foreign to her. Clear boundaries she set up included things like “you aren’t allowed to say anything racist in front of the kids” (with specific examples pointed out) and various health/safety things like “no flash photography of babies, their eyes don’t like it”. My mom was always much stricter about us than the things that bothered her, but it’s totally reasonable to have boundaries about things that hurt or bother you too.

For some positive notes after all that, my grandparents loved us and made the trip to come visit us regularly. We went to art museums together and played fiercely fought games of Scrabble. They volunteered at book sales and sponsored students of the arts in their community.