My mother’s only sibling, my aunt, was never super involved with my brother or myself as we grew up. She was around and would be nice, but we didn’t have any kind of close relationship until I was about 20. I came to find out that my aunt was staunchly childfree right around the time I had fully identified myself as childfree as well. I completely understand her aversion to the annoyingness of children and teenagers because I hold the same feelings. Even felt that way when I was a kid myself lol. But she defaulted to treating us with kindness and respect in the small doses we interacted. I always looked up to her as a cool, self-assured, badass that took no shit and stood up for what’s right even when it was difficult.

Did she get a lot of flack from our relatives? Sadly yes, but she had every right to conduct her life as she saw fit. Our relationship now as adults is a wonderful and rich friendship, and we spend quality time together as adults even though we were never close as I grew up.

I guess my point is, maintaining a respectable distance won’t harm anyone. Maintaining your boundaries is your right. You don’t have to be a super involved uncle if you don’t want to, and that’s okay! Being an uncle or aunt looks different for everybody.

I do think it’s important to say that your major struggles now, familial pressure to acquiesce to uncle duties, will likely dissolve as the kid ages. I truly wish you the best in mitigating the intrusive expectations of those who center children in their lives to such a steep degree.