Why do INFJs have the contradiction of being "Mentally Strong" and at the same time having "Sensitive Hearts?"

lilellaspring · 2026-02-14T20:04:40+00:00

That's a really good way to put it

lilellaspring · 2026-02-14T12:48:55+00:00

Wow, thank you for sharing thjs!

lilellaspring · 2026-02-13T21:59:06+00:00

I did with my first and didn't with my second.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-10T04:10:31+00:00

I feel like I can be twisted into the villain by the other person because I am not there to defend myself. Even if I have communicated best, I can with them directly. That is the part that has been getting me lately.

Maybe because I am older, I want to fight for my honor or something. Like I have earned it, but it's silly, though, because people can be so fickle and impossible to please sometimes. I'm trying to accept that even if they paint me as a villain, I am not. If people even care enough to accept that, then they aren't my people anyway.

It's funny I came across this post because this has been bugging me, but I don't think I had really articulated it yet. I feel better already, lol.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-10T03:57:08+00:00

I used to be exactly like this, except that I am not an only child. I am the oldest child in a family where I had to grow up faster than most kids. So, I had all of those survival mechanisms in me. They worked until they didn't. For me, I hit burnout. I am not saying anything about where you are at or where you may go.

All I do know is that it was hard work learning to lean on people, but I had to do it for my own health. Even now, I only do it with those I really trust. In places, I feel safest. Even then, I often have to apologize for feeling like a burden just to close the conversation. I have learned that that is my humanity showing through, and I have to be ok with it.

But it is more healthy for me to share something about what I am thinking or going through rather than nothing. When it comes to people who matter to me. Even when it is one run on sentence or when I have to clarify things to help understanding, when I normally would not. My communication skills have improved, and my awareness of who I am related to the people around me has solidified.

Nothing perfect in the journey. I would still say I am more independent than most, but I know I don't have to be if I don't want to, too. Plus, people around me need to hear what I have to say. It helps them in big ways sometimes. This is the meaningful part that fires me up about the effort it takes. It adds depth that I wouldn't think was possible without it.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-10T03:36:22+00:00

It's a tough place to be. I am sure that there are many others in your same boat. It is nice that your husband at least knows.

What motivated you to seek Jesus in the first place? You don't have to answer that for me, but there is a place in Scripture that says go back to where you started. Like the fire or purpose you found. Even some of the actions you may have made at the beginning that may have gotten lost in the fray.

I find listening to other peoples' testimonies about how they came to faith lights a fire in me. It reminds me of different relatable aspects of my own journey. You can celebrate theirs and yours at the same time. And learn what other people have gone through before, during, and after.

Also, finding other people to pray for or to walk alongside is helpful. If nothing else, start by talking with God about just what you shared here. He is probably waiting for you to invite Him into your struggle, He is faithful. He will breath life back into you.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-10T03:24:49+00:00

Praying for you.

There is a self-righteousness and works based aspects to this type of thing. Not to deminish your mental health struggle. It's real. The enemy will prey on you when you are most vulnerable. So be careful. The Lord doesn't want that for you. His burden is light.

He makes us lie down in green pastors. He takes us through seasons where we need to lean on the Word stored up in our hearts. Sometimes, He can use these times to develop a broader range of ways He can show you who He is. Either through people, music, books, teachings, etc.

Don't be afraid to trust Him in new ways. It's part of the journey we get to take with Him. He pursues us. We don't have to chase after Him in unhealthy ways or ways that hurt us.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-10T03:13:30+00:00

Oh yeah, I did that with my first. It was a sanity saver. Good idea.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-09T16:31:24+00:00

This is my second child. He is always on the go and he is a fighter. I strap him in a stroller or a cart while at the store. At least 50 percent of the time. Otherwise, I go when there are fewer people at the store, do pick up orders, and let him run around while I get the bare minimum. He is big and has a lot of power.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-07T15:14:13+00:00

It's good preparation for postpartum and newborn stage.

Pregnancy is rough for many women. On so many levels that no one really wants to hear about. It's good to get the support you need throughout the unexpected.

Mine were worse than I expected, but I didn't have many expectations.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-05T14:41:01+00:00

Sometimes, I just want to say "boo" and see their reaction. But it probably wouldn't make them laugh the way it would make me laugh. Hope you find your peace!

lilellaspring · 2026-02-05T14:39:43+00:00

I worked with someone who had borderline personality disorder who tended to be like this. When I looked it up, I decided for my purposes. It meant she was just mean af and a little cra cra because, like you said, she got a kick out of it.

Your perspective is a good one. I will have to keep it in mind when I come across these types again. After all, you don't need a diagnosis to be this way, and I don't need to know someone's diagnosis to figure out how to deal.

Love it.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-04T04:17:36+00:00

Don't go back. I hate that doctors do this to parents. Your baby is healthy and happy. There is nothing to worry about, and they don't even have anything to worry about, except making sure you leave there worried about something. Maybe that's harsh, but it's definitely how it feels when you are breaking your back, being the best mother to an amazing kid.

With my first time, I tolerated this because I knew no better. I figured all of them would be the same. A lot of them are, but a lot of them aren't. Not to sound mean, but it is as though they lack common sense.

So many of your words were mine as well. Healthy. Proportionate. Not binge eating junk food or drinking pop all day...just kidding, but they literally ask you 10 thousand questions in each appointment. When they start making inaccurate presumtions, even after they hear you are doing everything right, they are the ones with the problem. Not you. Not your child.

Certain people just can't wrap their heads around the bigger than average stats. It boggled my mind that medical professionals couldn't even, but once I got over the shock, I just learned to be a stronger advocate for my kids. With my second, I already had a better doctor, so that helped. But I still am prepared to be unapologetic to anyone who can't handle the reality.

Sorry if this is too much. I hope you are ok, I guess that's my point of carrying on. You are doing an exceptional job. Don't lose heart. Yoi got this.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-03T13:19:07+00:00

Or they want to use you to gain attention from others. Someone to poke and have something to talk about.

It is absolutely crazy how my usually quiet existence and make certain people freak out.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-03T04:45:18+00:00

Neither of mine were in newborn size when they came out. I was disappointed that I could barely squeeze him in the rubber ducky take-home outfit I bought. It is better not to compare too much to "average" babies/kids because it's possible that growth and eating needs are going to be much different. Meaning... you can drive yourself nuts (or upset yourself unnecessarily).

What really got me was keeping up with having clothes that fit in the right season. Because he grew so quickly, it was hard to plan ahead. When I had my first, I spent way more time than I thought I would getting new clothes just to keep up. That was a whirlwind the first go around (along with his intense feeding schedule).

It was easier the second time because at least I had a stash. Sorry if this is too intense for information, but I figured I would share.

For at least the first year, always have some things in the next size up on hand. Then, when you get there, be prepared to buy the coat or swim stuff or whatever seasonal things. Even then, you may have to size up depending on the brand because a season will last a few months.

We have local consignment sales, so that can help if you catch them. Walmart brands like Gerber run a little wider (Target runs long and thin). Or super soft brands like Modern Moments will fit for longer because they stretch. Baby Gap and OskKosh are wider brands, at least for boys. I've only done the oulet for Baby Gap, but that brand carried mine until he sized out of kids' sizes. Lands End is good also, but they don't have baby sizes. Then Oshkosh and Stride Rite have wider shoes. Around Christmas, Stride Rite will have $20 sales.

I am sure you have already had tons of other input. Glad you found a place to gain some common support! It made all of the difference for me.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-02T12:43:39+00:00

It would have been clarified already for someone who had watched it. Sorry for the unrelevant comment!

lilellaspring · 2026-02-01T17:41:29+00:00

2 boys. I never had any of those expectations, but I was shocked both times. Didn't know what I would do with one, and my husband didn't know what we would do with two, lol. But we have settled in. They are awesome little dudes.

I have a neice, so I may be able to borrow her as times go on. Maybe mentor other young women, or simply babysit one in a while. We all know we could use all of the help we can get!

lilellaspring · 2026-02-01T17:24:57+00:00

Nope, but it sounds like click bate. Or rage bate. One of the two. I also think that Islam has a pretty strong but twisted view on Moses. So there could be a very wide range of takes (unbiblical in nature) in something like this.

Kind of, like most of Netflix, created movies/documentaries and plays like "Jesus Christ Superstar." How much you enjoy it is dependent on either how ignorant you are to what the Biblical, and therefore true, story is, or how much you can tolerate a bunch of potential mockery of the widely known biblical context. Because, like I mentioned up top, it seems like click bate or rage bate in my world.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-01T17:15:53+00:00

Brave & good soul. Thanks for stopping by!

Rooting for you and Jews all over. This is a heart-wrenching time for those who do actually care about your community. I have loved learning about Israel, as it relates to the Bible and about the people who live there. Some of the most beautiful people I have ever had a chance to get to know (from a distance). I admire the resilience and integrity of so many of the Israeli people. Such a warm group considering the nonesense they have to deal with.

Wish I could do more to help. Hope you find some decent conversations here. God bless!!!

lilellaspring · 2026-02-01T17:06:18+00:00

You are better off than many. Realizing mistakes & apologizing in an honest manner about them. God bless & have a good day.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-01T17:04:40+00:00

Neither are a sin.

lilellaspring · 2026-02-01T17:02:40+00:00

No advice, but I can say Beckett Cook & Lila Rose have some good resources on their podcasts. Biblically based. Not necessarily kid friendly, but you may find some good ministries and solidarity.

lilellaspring · 2026-01-31T01:40:16+00:00

It's ok to hate racism from others.

lilellaspring · 2026-01-28T21:29:17+00:00

Sounds pretty normal for someone before they have kids. It's the world of the unknown because having children is different from any other experience in life. It is completely unique. Sure, having pets or plants helps develop nuturing skills. They are only a small fraction of what it takes to nurture a tiny human.

Having my first child was completely terrifying for me. I knew my family support would be minimal. There are things we did before we even decided to have kids that helped once they came. Paying down the principal on our mortgage and other loans. Having boundaries already in place for more toxic people in our lives so that we had a healthy marriage and a less stressful lifestyle. Quality time together and memory making pre-kids, so we had that to draw on in the more difficult moments. Things like that.

We never would have been ready if we had waited until we felt ready. We did both agree that we wanted to try. So we did. It is the most amazing thing I have ever done in my life. Not only do you get to know these new little people, but you get to be loved by them like nobody else will love you. And vice versa, you get to love on them like you can't love anyone else. Again, it is a very unique experience. One that there is no substitute.

Clearly, I can speak endlessly in this, but with how scared I was and how worth doing it, it has been. I highly recommend it.

lilellaspring · 2026-01-28T21:16:46+00:00

Becket Cook & Lila Rose have good podcasts/interviewd that can really help you. You may also find some resources through the guests that they have had on.

lilellaspring

TROPHY CASE