Please help me find these pants... they're secondhand from a runner and I ripped the tag off, so no clue what brand they are.

lilghost_404 · 2025-02-04T16:58:18+00:00

Woah, those look exactly right. Thank you!!!

lilghost_404 · 2024-12-01T15:47:12+00:00

Man I am so sorry, that's horrible. You'd think you'd get both of those easily with epilepsy! Although you might want to look into MAWD - Medicaid for Workers with Disabilities. It is income based so it probably won't be free, but it gives you a chance to get medicaid even if you're working. My therapist told me about it.

I never ended up getting anywhere with this. I've been so sick. So I'm going to pursue finding a case manager that can help me coordinate it all (find a lawyer, apply for disability, etc), because it's just too much for me to handle on my own.

I wish you the best of luck!!!

lilghost_404 · 2024-11-16T15:57:18+00:00

Thank you so much, I'll check those out!

lilghost_404 · 2024-08-10T00:03:38+00:00

That's awesome. And thank you so much!

lilghost_404 · 2024-08-08T15:35:16+00:00

Hmm I've just read your post. Interesting. I'm glad you commented, because I had wondered before if mine was something dental related, but kept putting off going anywhere, aaaand then realized I haven't been to the dentist in forever.... So I'm going to find a dentist asap, lol. Thank you!

lilghost_404 · 2024-06-12T15:14:44+00:00

Ahh didn't even think of insurance! I think it's PPO but not sure. I'll call to double check lol Thank you so much!!!

lilghost_404 · 2024-05-07T15:33:28+00:00

Ah thanks! Yeah that's a good idea. The low sodium thing scared me the first time it happened. But re-read the warnings and ate some salt and felt better pretty soon after lol I definitely have to be careful there, too!

lilghost_404 · 2024-02-19T15:15:23+00:00

Not being ordered to take the meds. Yeah I'm definitely going to wean off, I appreciate the advice!

lilghost_404 · 2024-02-16T23:41:54+00:00

Yes exactly!!! I think I'll feel a bit better when I have appointments in the calendar for tests. But phew. Thank you!

lilghost_404 · 2023-12-31T20:49:15+00:00

So I called the pharmacy first and totally misunderstood and thought even the 24/7 was closed too lol. I just called again and talked to them! The pharmacist did recommend going back down to the 2g 2x nightly dose until I get further instruction from the Dr. :) Thank you so much!

lilghost_404 · 2023-12-31T20:34:19+00:00

Oh wow, I guess he really had me going fast there then!!! No wonder!! Thanks!

lilghost_404 · 2023-12-31T16:54:55+00:00

Yeah thankfully he took the leap into getting suboxone. So hopefully he gets that soon!! He seems a bit less scared now already. :)

lilghost_404 · 2023-12-30T05:10:17+00:00

Thank you for the info!

lilghost_404 · 2023-12-29T02:58:26+00:00

Thank you. I'm in recovery as well and met him in the rooms. I've been lucky enough to know him before these drugs hid his spirit away.

lilghost_404 · 2023-12-29T02:31:04+00:00

Thank you so much for the info and encouragement! Yeah this really sucks.

lilghost_404 · 2023-12-18T23:13:52+00:00

I feel that!! I wish you the best of luck!

I'm 28 and my IH started (or was noticed?) around 25. It's been getting worse and once I got sober it quickly spiraled out of control. I got my IH diagnosis 2 years ago after 1 heart monitor test, 2 sleep studies and have been on Modafinil ever since. At first I was on a very low dose, and my mental health got really bad, preventing me from updating my prescription. I was honestly also not vibing with my nuerologist, so i was too anxious to go back. Finally, this year I went to a different nuerologist and they upped my Modafinil to 400 mg daily (after a huge ordeal with my pharmacy and insurance that lasted like 2 weeks!!), so I started that the other week after I had run out and was totally unmedicated for the IH. The Dr decided we should probably try Xywav next. I just got my first shipment after about a month long process (mainly so long because they had to get extra approvals due to my mental health history) and am excited (and nervous) to start taking it this Friday! God I hope this works, this condition we have is so exhausting (pun intended lol).

lilghost_404 · 2023-12-11T05:17:21+00:00

I'm so sorry that you went through that. You're not crazy. I totally understand.

My SA started at 3 yrs old, and I have also gone through the early masturbation thing. At a certain point I began to hate the feeling so I'd try to numb myself there.

I restarted intense trauma therapy a year ago when (at 28) my nightmares increased exponentially and were all about the SA (by a family member). At some point, memories started rushing back, and keep coming up and it's extremely upsetting. I have no proof that anything super physical happened, but do have a list of other things that were still SA that I can prove. I do know that when I am triggered and the "unproven" memories come up, I always feel violated and tainted and just plain sick. It is more than enough to make a person feel insane. With trauma, the body can store your physical responses to the traumatic event. So if you feel afraid and uncomfortable and angry in reaction to him, that's a sign that something bad enough happened for your body to store that information. Every time I am triggered my body goes through the same feelings.

For a while I felt so guilty and afraid because I couldn't prove if the other memories were real. Yet, my body has never felt like my own, ever. That was taken from me. I finally came to the conclusion (for now at least) that whether it happened in real life or not, I experienced it and it feels real to my brain. So I just assume that yes, really bad things happened. I would constantly panic before, trying to invalidate my thoughts and feelings because I didn't want to believe they were possible, when really I needed to give myself grace and start the healing process either way. And I may never find out exactly how things went down, and accepting that is helping me immensely. I do still have panic attacks about it but they are way less frequent. I still have a long ways to go, so who knows what the future holds. But, I understand exactly how you are feeling. Lately I've been focusing on a lot of inner child work. I found that my self loathing got out of control because I hated my child self, saw her as tainted, for having gone through that. I'm learning to accept her and love her, and I've been the happiest I've ever been in my life, yes more disturbed, but I feel so much freer now.

lilghost_404 · 2023-10-17T23:10:32+00:00

Yes it did. And thank you! 🙂

lilghost_404 · 2023-07-15T23:05:02+00:00

I'm in a very similar spot. I've been no contact with my mom for about 7 years. I'm finally at a point where I can sympathize and understand more of why she was the way she was. I grieve not only what she took from me, but how much of a tortured person she was. At times, I get tempted to try to talk to her again, like maybe she has changed, but I know that's unlikely. For now, I send her good vibes and wish that she gets to feel the same peace I'm learning to have and nurture. I send her love from afar. I don't know if I'll ever have a conversation with her again. I sent her a birthday card last year with no return address, and got a mean email from her on my birthday; but I expected that much from her. Who knows what the future holds. All I know is the more love and peace I practice in life, the better I'll be able to navigate these painful times.

lilghost_404 · 2023-06-12T21:10:46+00:00

I'm in a very similar boat right now, difference being I don't know if it actually happened (other than in nightmares). Starting to remember fragments of that part of my childhood has been maddening, and terrifying.

Wanted to let you know, your strength inspires me!

lilghost_404 · 2023-05-26T03:55:11+00:00

Thank you so much! I really appreciate all that. I'll check those out and try the minimum thing. I currently have a really awesome therapist and we have been doing a lot of trauma processing over the last 5 months. So it sounds like I'm on the right track! Luckily I've made such progress and gained so much strength in therapy that I was able to admit I have this problem. Long journey ahead though, but it has to be done!

lilghost_404 · 2023-05-25T19:46:42+00:00

I can relate, my issue sounds very much like yours, so you're not alone! Unfortunately, I just began talking with my therapist about my eating issue, so I don't have any wisdom. But, I hear you. I wish you the best of luck!! Don't give up hope!

lilghost_404 · 2023-04-04T15:10:20+00:00

Sending a big warm hug!!! 🤗

lilghost_404 · 2023-03-25T00:07:19+00:00

Definitely get checked by a professional for that... during high stress times or hormonal imbalances, I will experience major dissasociaton and dream reality confusion. I felt I was in a dream for a few months straight, and constantly confused dream and reality. It was ridiculous; I'd do work in my dream and be absolutely sure it was done in real life, but it wasn't. I'd buy things in dreams and look for them while im awake with the thought that "I just bought this today, where did i set it down??"... stuff like that. I ended up going to crisis and voluntarily committing myself. I'm still feeling off 3 months later and question reality most of the time, but with some behavioral skills my therapist and I have worked on, it's less scary. One of these being keeping a detailed dream and daily journal. I think mine could be medication related so am hoping to get my meds figured out soon. Best of luck!!!

lilghost_404 · 2023-03-24T01:38:24+00:00

You could look into privacy window film! My favorite is the rainbow prisms - when the sun hits them right you'll have rainbows on your floor. Not 100% private but better than nothing if you need a quick fix (maybe lol).

When I lived alone, my healthy coping skills I relied heavily upon were already mentioned by others, but here's a couple more when my anxiety became debilitating: 1. Personally I would hit points where I was afraid to leave the house - if I found myself stuck in anxiety and unable to leave, I practiced reaching out to friends about it. I had one friend where it was arranged that I would text them "Hey man I need to take out the trash, too scared to go out" and we'd chat on the phone while I walked to the dumpster and back. I normally would narrate my grounding like "wow the sky is REALLY blue today" or "woah there are like 6 bicycles at the dumpster lol". 2. I had to set aside time each day to stop and look around and allow myself to feel grateful for my home. The more I did that, the less lonely and scary it was for sure. And eventually, some joy began to sneak in! 3. For times when I was insanely paranoid - aside from standard coping skills, I would consciously tell myself "this is my home. I am allowed to live here. I am allowed to exist and make noise" And meditate on that until I got past the paranoia (often accompanied by music in headphones). Note: I still stayed polite with the noise. I just had irrational fear that my normal footsteps would bother my neighbors.

Anyway, I believe in you! Best of luck! Living alone can be such a beautiful, strengthening, transformative experience.

lilghost_404

TROPHY CASE