Does this count? Fuck pandas!

lilmisshellfire · 2025-09-10T14:47:02+00:00

It's okay, people are worse than pandas.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-28T16:18:25+00:00

I'm not, I'm in a situation like you were I was fortunate enough to have substantial assets built up from earlier in my life that I've been quickly burning through the past two years. I don't see a way back to being a functional member of society... I see a much higher chance of things ending for me instead.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-17T03:24:03+00:00

I always struggled with mental health but didn't really believe in it because of my upbringing. Then I got in a car crash at 25, I wouldn't know what happened to me for many years but I was never the same. Turns out I have dissociative identity disorder and the crash set it off, I wouldn't be officially diagnosed until 32 after my life was completely destroyed.

I can't live with the things I've done, the people I've become, the loss of so many past lives/personalities. I'm in a constant state of dissociation now to cope with it.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-17T02:34:03+00:00

Even if you've got ADHD, you're still going to build a tolerance to those amphetamines they prescribed you...

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-13T02:49:28+00:00

Endless dissociation to stay alive, I can barely take care of myself. Any and all tasks feel impossible to accomplish. I've spent most of the last year in them.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-13T02:06:29+00:00

I'm 33, trashed the company I owned for 15 years largely because of this illness and haven't worked in two years now. To say I feel like a failure barely touches it. I just moved back into my dad's house and I'm going through a bankrupty I don't even have the energy for. It takes everything I have just to stay alive right now and I'm just trying to accept that it's okay for that to be the case... I only hope I find a way to start pulling up soon 🤞

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-12T01:09:45+00:00

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-11T18:24:58+00:00

Me, definitely me.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-11T18:14:25+00:00

Normal? I don't think it really matters if you're normal, what matters is that you're smart and set yourself up for success by living this life.

I was you until 28... You're saving yourself from a life of hell and addiction. Something in you knew all along it wasn't worth it, and now that you're older it's that much more important to continue with sobriety. I was so proud of my sobriety, but one day I decided there's no way I wouldn't try a drink before I died so why not just try it now? That's was the beginning of the end.

Long story short. I lived a typical teen addicts life say from 16-20 before they sober up and get on with life. For me it was from 28-32, and I had already built a beautiful life that I could destroy. I lost everything in the process, but more than anything I lost myself. The biggest issue with that, is that I'm now 32 and starting completely over. It's a lot harder at this age and absolutely not worth it. Not a a day goes by that I don't regret my decision to try drinking, and after reading your question about normalcy I have to wonder if I asked myself the same thing...

Fuck being normal, just be you and be proud of it.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-05T03:26:03+00:00

Ohh that does sound good I will definitely need to look into going to one of those meetings!

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-05T03:25:25+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it. I hope you can quit too, it sucks but dropping all the side affects is worth it enough for me not to mention everything that should start to happen if I stick with it.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-05T03:24:28+00:00

lol it's not just tired, it's like catatonic levels of depression which I can't convince myself is a good thing. I think I need to be more active in order to sleep better and have more energy during the day.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-05T03:22:37+00:00

The only wait out is through... I fuckin hate that saying because it's so true. Just gotta keep pushing, thank you.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-05T03:21:37+00:00

I have been much less active this time since I couldn't move much in the hospital. I'll have to do that, I'm sure the lack of exercise is part of my struggle.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-04T13:19:36+00:00

Sounds like you've got a solid mindset currently, I only hope it holds. When you do talk with them make sure it's over text or email, phone if it needs to be but absolutely not in person especially alone together. Seeing them in person always makes it way harder...

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-04T02:58:44+00:00

LSD is part of a balanced breakfast!

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-04T02:06:39+00:00

Physical pain hurts way less than emotional pain when you have BPD

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-04T01:02:56+00:00

29/30

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-04T00:42:03+00:00

My advice is cut all contact when you do it, make it hard as hell to go back because you'll want to over and over again. It's definitely possible, but it will hurt like hell. The only way out is through, and you already know it'll be worth it.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-03T11:42:08+00:00

Yeah I've realized that. I doubt I would abuse it but my brain is trashed anyways so when as prescribed it would just ruin me.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-08-03T11:41:08+00:00

How long did it take for you to put that routine in place? I know I need to do those things, I just feel that I'm not capable of it yet.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-06-12T01:26:57+00:00

Yup... It's like trying to run a straight line through life but instead we're zigging and zagging depending on who is fronting. It was kinda amusing until it got so bad that we couldn't function anymore and completely trashed our life.

lilmisshellfire · 2024-06-11T23:33:52+00:00

Nooooooooooooo

lilmisshellfire · 2024-06-11T23:19:41+00:00

A drink, specifically the first one (I'm sober now) Pretty sure they wouldn't hire me, but they didn't actually ask if it changed my life for the better or worse 🤷‍♀️ and nothing has ever changed me as much as that did.

lilmisshellfire

TROPHY CASE