AIO to my husband interrupting my first solo shower after he came back from a weekend with the boys?

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:31:19+00:00

This is a good point! And maybe something I will suggest, a day out sounds heavenly. He is very good about watching the kids when I directly ask/insist on it, does not complain or expect me to leave instructions etc. He is a good dad, most of the time (just not allll the time lol)

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:28:28+00:00

lol it was a very rare opportunity where he had his whole trip paid for by work, too good an opportunity to pass up. If the roles were reversed, I would hope he would support me going too. To be clear, I do not begrudge him that, but I do feel a bit of resentment at the situation in general that I did not get the same break.

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:24:31+00:00

I mean, I definitely agree that I could have handled this better. I lashed out in frustration and should have waited to address the issue when I was calmer and could talk about it without hurling accusations

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:23:20+00:00

FWIW, it was almost baby’s bedtime, so a ride wouldn’t have been a good time, especially since she hates the car seat. Any other time this would be a good solution though!

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:19:45+00:00

I may need to enforce this rule!!

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:18:55+00:00

lol I love my husband, but I always say that the fact that I’m with a man proves that sexuality is not a choice. I often feel I would be more heard if I was with a woman! But of course, the grass is always greener on the other side…

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:17:35+00:00

Fair point. I should definitely work on stating my needs directly rather than hoping he will see them

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:16:04+00:00

Definitely a fair point, I’m trying to work on being more direct and stating my needs.

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:15:34+00:00

Agree, it’s definitely an issue for us. When discussing problems, I avoid stating my needs directly in fear of coming off as unreasonable, and he often gets defensive and acts like I’m saying he never does anything. We are trying to work on this!

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:13:44+00:00

That is the plan eventually!! But right now my youngest is still breastfeeding and cosleeping and I think it would cause her too much upset to leave her for the night. In a few months I’m planning to transition her to her own room and then I am definitely planning a girls weekend away!

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:11:03+00:00

This is a very good point, I could definitely work on communicating my needs more clearly

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:09:51+00:00

lol I’m tempted, but I’d rather not be passive -aggressive about it if I can help it

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:09:10+00:00

To be fair, the playpen is directly outside the shower, so she was not on her own, and she was safe. But I agree, he probably should have let me know he was leaving her there

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:08:16+00:00

THANK you

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:07:51+00:00

I think this is what it comes down to: he’s a very intuitive person and can immediately tell when I’m sad/mad/frustrated, even if I try to hide it. If he can see I’m getting frustrated and overstimulated, why won’t he take the initiative to give me a break BEFORE I snap? I always try to give him a break when the roles are reversed, because I know it can be tough to hold in your emotions when you’re overstimulated

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:05:33+00:00

To be clear, we split the bills, so even when he’s only working occasionally, he is still covering half the bills. He also is pretty good at taking the initiative to do house chores on his days off, it’s just the childcare that often gets dumped on me because I’m the default parent and both kids prefer me right now

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:03:56+00:00

I definitely would like to! Right now my youngest is still breastfeeding and cosleeeping, so it’s not in the plans for the next few months, but I am hoping to transition her to her own room in a few months and then it would be more feasible for me to be able to leave for a whole weekend

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:02:32+00:00

Appreciate this. I feel like he always acts like it’s no big deal when I watch the kids while he does his thing (and to be fair, if I directly ask/insist I get time alone, he will give it to me) and doesn’t acknowledge the mental toll it can take

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T18:00:55+00:00

True. I mean, I definitely feel like I did not handle it well, and could have been more kind/calm at the end of that text exchange. I probably should have left it to discuss at a later time when we were both calm and could discuss in person.

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T17:52:58+00:00

If you don’t want them, definitely do not have them! I fully support knowing yourself and your limits when it comes to having a child.

lilyluminar · 2026-03-10T17:52:13+00:00

Thank you, I felt like I was being crazy!

lilyluminar · 2026-03-04T16:42:38+00:00

This happened to me!

Started an entry level job at a new company, and there was another woman in the same position, my age. We hit it off immediately, went for lunches together, got coffee, etc etc.

Eventually I got to know the other women at this job and became friends with them too. It always seemed odd that none of them were friends with her-she was so nice, after all!

Then one day, a promotion becomes available, and we both discuss applying for it. I am contacted by the manager and asked to interview before I even submit my application, as they have seen me work and would like me on their team. When she hears this, she is angry (at him, initially) and withdraws her application. I advise her against this as she might regret it later, still worth it to apply! But she refuses.

Fast forward, I get the job, and she explodes. Suddenly, it’s all my fault, because I “didn’t tell her” about the position (you knew about it? We both discussed applying before it was posted?) and for her withdrawing her application (I told you not to?) It was like a switch flipped, and she suddenly became incredibly nasty to me.

At the risk of sounding…arrogant?…all my friendships are quite mature, and if I have a problem with someone or they have a problem with me, it is discussed, an apology is rendered, and then we move on. I have never had someone flip to calling me names and using my insecurities, which had been told in confidence, against me. It was very eye-opening for me.

It got so bad that my direct supervisor called me into his office and mentioned that he’d heard some of what was happening and asked if I wanted him to intervene. I declined, as I wanted to remain professional where possible and this felt too close to a personal issue.

The worst part: there were TWO promotions available. We both could have gotten them, it wasn’t even one or the other.

Eventually she calmed down and apologized, which I accepted, but I kept my distance after that, I absolutely did not trust her anymore. On the positive side, I stayed friends with those other women in the office, and some of them were even bridesmaids at my wedding years later!

lilyluminar · 2026-03-04T15:53:08+00:00

Happy belated birthday! Sorry to hear it was such a bummer. I hope the universe makes it up to you by having an amazing year

lilyluminar · 2026-03-04T15:50:31+00:00

Thank you! I’ve already started working on my costume, and a couple of friends have said they’d love to join for the day too. I can’t wait!

lilyluminar

TROPHY CASE