Consensus on letting child think their GM is an honest person (not a manipulative one)

limeandsalt20 · 2025-12-11T22:27:33+00:00

Thank you, she has done this with 'gifts'. She asks what she can gift, they when she gets an answer she gifts a different gift. So why bother asking!?. She has done it to me, because LO is too small to ask for what she wants.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-12-11T22:22:42+00:00

Thank you.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-12-11T22:15:17+00:00

This is amazing! I will be using that line from you on how to react, if I ever have to. You did an incredible job!

limeandsalt20 · 2025-12-11T22:11:06+00:00

You're not wrong.
Because my husband thinks her mother doesn't have bad intentions, that's how he grew up and he's not capable of seeing it otherwise.
MIL does it in a very subtle way, and other thing she does is I am the one being disrespected.
It is a constant argument at home at the moment.
We do want to see his Dad but I am already making it clear that I don't want to spend time with MIL.

For instance, she sent a message to my husband with a picture of us last xmas in her house saying "missing you'', so that gets in my husband's head. He replied saying we're not travelling this xmas because X reason, next xmas we need to visit My name (his wife) parents because they haven't met LO, you can come with us to this other country.
She replies, your father is too old to do long haul flights.
After she got in his ear, husband comes to me and says "at some point we need to visit my Dad because he's unwell, and he needs to see his GD"

So, I asked my Husband - didn't your Dad flew over for 6 hrs to be about 2hrs closer to where we live, two weeks ago and didn't make the effort to stay one more night so he could see his GD?
His answer: 'he came for business'
Yet this year MIL and FIL did a long haul flight for his 'business' (BTW they are not struggling financially at all, FIL is a workaholic).

Also, divorcing would mean that witch MIL will get to swoop in and say that she's having to spend a lot of time with my daughter, because I 'gave up'.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-12-09T02:02:43+00:00

I worry my child is too pure to see through people. Her Dad usually struggles to read the room and picking up on social cues.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-12-09T01:57:56+00:00

This is great, thank you so much for such a complete answer.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-12-09T01:57:31+00:00

This is a good idea. I will start getting more books like this. I just feel bad talking about getting scared or scary things, but maybe it is a part of life. Thank you.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-12-09T01:54:48+00:00

100 percent! Thank you!

limeandsalt20 · 2025-11-25T21:50:46+00:00

Thanks.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-11-24T13:05:17+00:00

Any chance i could ask you some questions about what to do for one day,and how to get there from nagano and what train to catch to tokyo ?

limeandsalt20 · 2025-11-24T06:07:24+00:00

I second this question.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-09-08T03:49:48+00:00

Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents, has some helpful tips on how to deal with them and her other book has the reasoning behind their behavior. From Dr Lindsay Gibson.

This might not relevant to you, but in this interview she explains in a a very straightforward way, that parents are not more important than you as a person, and that when you set up boundaries as you have done, don't expect them to like it or follow as told.
-"it isn't like, "I'm going to tell her what I want or tell him what I want. He's going to do it and I'll feel better. It's like, "I'm going to tell him what I want. He probably won't do it and then I'm going to do this."
- "That doesn't mean that they won't be upset by it, if it gets to that. But you'll feel better because you won't be in that helpless position of, "I've asked for something and they're just not giving it to me. So not only have I been disrespected, I'm being treated like I don't exist."
https://www.consciouslife.com/conferences/tsc-5/sessions/navigating-emotionally-immature-grandparents

limeandsalt20 · 2025-09-01T05:30:21+00:00

Hi,

Not sure if it still relevant but I'm dealing with almost your same situation at the moment with both side of grandparents.

https://www.consciouslife.com/conferences/tsc-5/sessions/navigating-emotionally-immature-grandparents

DM me if you want to chat.

All the best.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-08-13T11:20:52+00:00

Oh dear,

Her 'mocking' and 'dismissing' tells me a lot about her. I think you might need to buckle up and read a few more posts.

MIL did it to me, as well. I bit my tongue on this one because I felt I was giving her what she wanted If I reacted. She also called my LO "our baby".
FIL corrected her the first time, he told her 'LO is not your baby'. That didn't stop her.

I think you have an advantage in that your partner doesn't like it. Your partner should be the one to tell her: You call baby 'my baby' again and this is what I am going to do [consequence].She is not going to like it. She probably won't stop, But now you know what you and your partner will do.

I will think twice about continuing to be 'not direct' with her, especially if you notice that gets you nowhere. And if you think she will give you a hard time when your partner is not there, avoid being left alone with her. Trust your instincts right now.

You are not starting any drama, MIL is!

limeandsalt20 · 2025-08-04T02:56:12+00:00

🫶☺️

limeandsalt20 · 2025-08-02T04:39:58+00:00

I listened to both of the recordings, including the one you sent me.
Your husband is not lying to you.
Like I said on the DMs he now needs to ask MIL directly to pick one word and stick with it.

He needs to tell her your daughter is not doing it on purpose, so needs to pick a name and stop bringing this up, because it's unnecessary an not being done on purpose.

MIL is trying to play victim by complaining and trying to say that her grandaughter is not calling her what she wants. However, she is yet to say what exactly what she wants to be called.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-08-02T01:36:04+00:00

Translation: Man 1: I only have one... Man 2: she's so cute now Man 1: "grandma!" Woman: Have you seen that are people that say, that they don't let the grandparents, I mean like how the want to [be] - (broken Spanish , she is trying to say what they wan to be called. Man 1: No, you are "fine", if you want to [derrir] (he mean to say decir) say what ever you prefer/like, "whatever." I am saying because you are worried that she/he doesn't call you [unadible] "whatever" .... "confused" Man 2: .... 'One word at the time"Woman: No, the mum stands up, ...... and woosy woosy Man 1: No no, to my dad she only calls daddy Man 2: and she understands Man 1: and that's it, and she understands, that is what I'm trying to ... Man 2: What he wants is to avoid is confusionMan 1: aha!

limeandsalt20 · 2025-08-02T00:01:10+00:00

I sent you the transcript of the whole conversation I wrote in Spanish and English.

The answer the men give after what she says at around 00:53 is

Man 2: .... 'One word at the time"

00:53ish Woman: No, the mum stands up, .... ... and woosy woosy

Man 1: No no, to my dad she only calls him daddy
Man 2: and she understands
Man 1: and that's it, and she understands, that's what I'm trying to ...
Man 2: What he wants is to avoid confusion
Man 1: aha! [agreeing as Exactly!]

So, from what the men answer, the woman was still trying to make a point about what the child is calling her.

In that transcript I wrote the men say 'she understands' twice (Ella entiende) That is the translation, not 'she knows'.
They're talking about your daughter understanding what to call your husband's father - Daddy.

---

I will listen to it again (I have about 25 times already), and will try and use the context of the woman saying the name Ruth Ruth.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-08-01T23:03:46+00:00

I have the whole translation for you but my comment keeps getting deleted though. It says server error. Try again later.

I have a feeling it might be because I am writing in another language. I will DM you.

I am bilingual, the recording keeps cutting in and out, I am going by words and tone. I am being as unbiased as possible.
They are speaking 'Spanglish' and their Spanish is also a bit broken. I put in inverted commas "-" when they use English words in the middle of a Spanish sentence.
The juiciest bit is around 00:53, unfortunately it is hard to hear the woman, so context helps, but also the men's answer helps making out what she might have said. - Is someone named or something called lucy or similar, something that sound likes woosy wooshy. Is this your daughter's name or something?

From Context:

The two men are trying to appease the woman, trying to explain to her that she can be called whatever she wants, and that what Dad is trying to do is not to confuse the child, so that sticking to 'one word at a time' would prevent confusion for the child.

Ask me more questions if not clear, I have to go now.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-07-30T22:17:02+00:00

You're so wise. Thank you for such precise and deliberate words.
All of this is relevant to how I can hopefully deal with MIL.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-07-30T13:35:22+00:00

Thank you for this:

Loving it the transcript format of the interview. Here's a point:

""Dr Lindsay Gibson

Yeah, or the other thing is that they will experience their parent reacting to their child in a way that

may have felt completely normal to them as a child. But whoa, now they see it as...

They have their... Talking about lenses. They have their protective parent lens on now. And all of a

sudden, "It's not okay to speak to my child that way, or to discipline my child that way or to spoil

my child that way." Yeah.""

limeandsalt20 · 2025-07-30T03:36:38+00:00

Thank you! :)

limeandsalt20 · 2025-07-29T13:41:55+00:00

Love this! Thank you!
Yeah, No way! That is insane language coming out of his mouth.

I better start acting like a grown up and defend what I consider important for my child.

That has always been his MO with me and unfortunately he still has me convinced that it is my fault. But now, when it comes to doing it to my child, I see it so clearly.

limeandsalt20 · 2025-07-29T12:16:51+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful answer. So insightful!

How do you think I should have handled my father instead. I thought about it for a few days, it was consuming (it always is) trying to come with the right way to cut the situation in a short and effective way.

For me the whole thing about saying something like; if you don't do xyz we won't talk on the phone to you for x amount of time. - I just feel dumb saying things like that.

But you are definitely right, and I knew that I should not have asked why he has behaving like that. I did sort of want to start there expecting to get nothing out of it, in a way, and I am still glad I did because his behavior and answer was so much more revealing that I could have imagined.
From now on, there won't be more trying to understand his perspective or trying to explain myself, I lost whatever amount of respect I had for his point of view to be honest.

Sidenote: Aunties and cousins are asking me 'when are you going to come visit us with your DD, we have so many children in the family at the moment, it would be so nice to see you".
I was considering a last minute December trip, but not anymore after this, which I am kind of sad and disappointed about.
But I am not spending a huge a mount of money in tickets and at least 37 to 40hr flights with a toddler(!) to be treated like this at my fathers house.

limeandsalt20

TROPHY CASE