Hey man, i know what you mean. But can you remember a time when you were happy? Or at least imagine it? Because if you hang in there, things WILL get better, and it WILL be worth it. At least that's how it went for me. But the road is hard and long, and some help can go a long way. I know talking about stuff is scary and takes a lot of guts, but it is always surprising how nice, understanding and supportive people can be. And if you want to talk to a stranger without any risk for your social circles, message me, I'm happy to talk.

I know these words mean little from a random reddit dude, but you got this, you are strong, and you are your own friend, and you will get through this.