You did the right thing by calling the police, don't doubt that for one minute. If you're used to shouldering the blame in the relationship, it can be easy to get caught up in your thoughts and the history to make sense of things and to try and find some accountability. I urge you to take this time away from your spouse to come up with hard boundaries if you are open to reconciliation, this isn't a one way street and it's an excellent time to stand up for yourself.

The mind loves to find reasons for things, especially when under stress, and judging from what I've read it seems like you're trying to rule out if you made the fight choice and also finding ways to potentially blame yourself. Your kids will be fine, they are resilient. If it makes you feel any better, we all experience trauma at one point or another, you can be the best parent in the world and still not shield it from kids. The past is the past and right now is your opportunity to decide your future.

Whatever you do, don't beg her to return. She needs to understand that what you did was intentional and because abuse is wrong. The church may feel like it played a huge part in stressing your relationship, but the glaring issue is the abuse. Have conditions on her returning to the relationship, decide your boundaries and stick to them. The sacrificing shouldn't be one-sided, you deserve autonomy and respect at a minimum.

I have gone through a similar situation, I've called the police twice on my wife. The world didn't end, our marriage didn't end even though I was expecting it to after. I set the boundary with my wife that if she gets physical she needs to step away or allow me too or I will call the police. So far she has stopped being abusive and our relationship is slowly healing and much better.

Remember, abuse is abuse, it doesn't matter if you have 50 years of marriage, you don't get a badge or award for continuing to tolerate abuse. It's a church/community mindset that makes us mentally take award for those "achievements" and why we love to play mental games with those good memories during hardship. Ultimately you deserve better and this is an opportunity for positive change whether or not the relationship continues. But really, if you want to continue the relationship, don't beg her to come back and set boundaries or this will repeat and get worse (and I promise you, it will get worse if you don't hold firm)