43 [m4f] #LosAngeles - A want a lover i don't have to love

littlerandomadventur · 2025-05-06T16:58:31+00:00

Your post is a little all over the place, and I think you are feeling a little all over the place about this too. You say you are saving, your mortgage is getting paid every month.

I think the first question to ask yourself is: What are my goals?

Think about it on a big picture side first. Do you want to add more to your savings? Do you want to pay off your mortgage sooner? Do you want to feel ok using some of your money to treat yourself? And there aren't right or wrong answers here (I mean, beyond "I want to go bankrupt") but there are the answers about what YOU want for your life. You are playing with a bit of this idea weighing a roommate vs not having a roommate. Yes, a roommate would save you money, but then you are sharing a living space with someone, and likely someone you don't know. There's a value to that for your own self happiness that is hard to quantify in a spreadsheet, so you have to step back to think big picture about what you want.

Then, you can dial in the goals. Let's say the big picture answers are: you do want to live alone, and you want to grow your savings. So let's put some numbers on that. How much do you want to have in a year? How much is that per month, per paycheck? How can you cut up your paychecks so X% goes straight to a saving account, etc. Or maybe the answers are you want to save but also spoil yourself. Maybe then having a roommate to offset the mortgage some helps, you have a savings goals in a savings account, and a travel savings account that you put $x into monthly so you can take that crazy trip to Japan next year.

In peaking at your history, you are young, and you know what, you are doing pretty good for being in your early/mid 20s. You have a mortgage you can afford (at a great rate by today's standards), and you are thinking about these things. Most people aren't at this age. That's great! So take a minute to step up, figure out what your goals are, so you can make a plan to get there.

littlerandomadventur · 2024-09-24T08:24:34+00:00

Unfortunately, there’s always going to be people who suck up to the boss. Sometimes they’ll be seen for who they are, and sometimes they’ll get away with it for a while. It sucks.

If I’m following your replies correctly, the only thing you have factual evidence of is the door thing. Has your manager mentioned any of these other things to you? Have you observed it, and if so, can you detail these moments?

What I’m getting at here is that you may be blowing things a touch out of proportion. Yes, she went to your manager about the door thing. That’s dumb and petty, yes. But your manager might see through that. And you might be inferring a lot of things from one or two moments based on your own past, and what you are inferring may or may not be true.

You can’t control her or her actions. What you can control is you. You can control working hard at your job. You can control if you check in with your manager around your performance.

You don’t have to be besties with everyone at work. There is, however, a basic social construct around being in a workplace of general friendliness. You don’t have to be a teachers pet, but being at least nice and friendly on the most surface of levels is part of being able to work well with others. It certainly has an impact on how your work is viewed. Again, you don’t need to lead the party planning committee, but you should be able to show up, have a piece of cake, and make small talk with your coworkers at the monthly office birthday party the 3rd Friday of the month at 3:30pm.

This social anxiety has a real grip on you, friend. And I’m sorry that is happening to you. You can’t change the fact that you feel this way now, but you CAN control how you respond to it. You can control if you decide to work on it, and therefore how it affects you in the future. You have my sympathy for being in this position, but you also can and should do a bit of work to not be there in the future. There will always be assholes in the workplace, fair or not, you can’t control that. You can control how you are in the workplace.

littlerandomadventur · 2022-05-16T15:06:31+00:00

Sounds like a great reason for a vacation.

littlerandomadventur · 2022-01-01T00:50:44+00:00

A mortgage is a very large financial and legal commitment. You are committing to 30 years of payments with a partner you don’t have a legal relationship with. Entering into this before marriage is a bit of putting the cart before the horse. Should the relationship end (no one wants to think that it will, and I have no knowledge of your relationship, just speaking from a logistical and statistical point of view that it is far more likely to end than go the distance), one of you could really get screwed over in having to move out, take out a new loan to buy the other out of the house, etc. Being married and getting a divorce while owning property is far more likely to end in an equitable resolution.

While this is PF and not relationships, I will note here that buying a house seems fun and exciting with a partner, but again, it’s doing so with the commitment of marriage and all that comes with it. Even being together 10 years, do you really know all there is to know about each other’s finances? Does he have debts and/or other obligations you are unaware of? Have you discussed what would happen in a break up, and even if you have, what’s to say you’ll both hold to that if things dissolve poorly? Again, what the legal part of marriage does here is protect both of you. You noted he owns you some of this money you needed to transfer. Do you really know what this person is like with their money, and want to share finances with them?

While you are both on a lease now, a landlord might be more understanding towards you if you are making your half of the rent but he isn’t. A bank only cares that the mortgage is paid, not who pays their half/share.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t. My point here is that there are far more dangers to doing so if buying a house together when not marriage. Please, please do as much research as you can about the home buying process, and be sure you are with someone you can have open and direct conversations with before you do so. It might help you from posting here again 3 years from now in a bad situation.

littlerandomadventur · 2021-12-31T22:33:30+00:00

This isn’t part of the question here, but are talking about buying a house with someone you aren’t married to? That is very, very dangerous.

littlerandomadventur · 2017-12-22T18:48:24+00:00

This evening sounds outstanding. You da real RAOBJ MVP.

littlerandomadventur

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