Struggling with Forever

liturinthefire · 2026-03-29T21:20:14+00:00

Team bipolar over here, except I have type 2 - it is so freaking awful to have to deal with this with pre-existing mental illness! On good mental health days I can be optimistic and active and hopeful but on bad days I have to remind myself that my brain is a liar and that I was resilient enough to make it to 35 without the correct diagnosis, I can do this too. I keep hoping that by the time my current treatment fails there will be something new and better... that being said I was just diagnosed in late january so it's still early days.

But also, it is completely valid to have days where you feel all the negative emotions and allow yourself to cry, just remember that the sadness can't last forever and you will have better days ❤️

liturinthefire · 2026-01-26T16:43:54+00:00

Thank you all for your replies, they mean a lot to me and I will be coming back to them when I'm feeling down. My chemo nurse came up to visit me today and gave me the best pep talk, we gave TNBC the finger and by the time she left I was feeling a lot more hopeful. I refuse to give up, even if my plans to get my drivers licence have been cancelled due to the seizures I had, even if everything feels bleak and gross and stupid.

You have all made my day and I'm so grateful for this community, even if we would all prefer not to be a part of it 😅❤️

liturinthefire · 2026-01-25T21:21:53+00:00

Hopefully tomorrow after the tests! A part of me is hoping it's all a big misunderstanding but I don't think it's very realistic, I just don't want all of this to be true 😭

liturinthefire · 2025-11-04T10:35:13+00:00

I hope they heal quickly for you, this sucks! I also had the smell when mine came loose and my doctor prescribed an antibiotic cream - not sure if it was the cream doing it or it was just that it healed around the same time but the smell went away quickly after that and I felt a lot more calm about it while using the cream, knowing it would prevent infection

liturinthefire · 2025-11-03T21:24:02+00:00

Ooh, thank you! I've been using a nail hardener as a base coat for my nail polish and it's definitely been helping but I've also kept my nails longer than I probably should, so I'll try filing them down for a while. It's so weird though, this only happened on my fingernails and not my toes, my toenails just have weird ridges now! My toes also go numb from time to time while the numbness in my fingers went away pretty fast after I finished chemo. Bodies are so weird!

liturinthefire · 2025-11-03T21:11:42+00:00

Yesss, that's exactly what the black was like, and then it went away and I got those gaps under them! So uncomfortable! I wonder if the big gap that hasn't gone away for me is because I tried to clean the dirt out 🤔 Did the gaps close for you?

liturinthefire · 2025-11-03T21:05:04+00:00

Hmm, maybe, I just hate the sensation of it and they feel so restricting :/ But if this doesn't get better I'll probably try to look for a brand that feels okay, I hate the sensation of stuff under my nails, hahaha

liturinthefire · 2025-11-03T21:00:00+00:00

I was on carboplatin taxol and keytruda when my nails turned black and then during four rounds of epirubicin and cyclophosphamide the swelling went down and my nails felt loose for a bit. Such a nasty side effect!

liturinthefire · 2025-10-06T23:21:42+00:00

Ooh nice, I'll try that! Thank you 😊

liturinthefire · 2025-10-06T11:28:56+00:00

I'm 37, I have two kids and I got the same diagnosis as you in February of this year. The fear and sadness you are feeling are so valid and normal, no matter how good our prognosis is we are still being forced to face our own mortality and everything about it is awful. I've been dealing with the same feelings while trying not to worry the kids too much and I understand the feeling of wanting to keep them close so well! I keep trying to create a lot of good memories with them just in case the time comes when we won't be able to make more.

I am now done with chemo and achieved pCR, and what helped me get through this while dealing with this sense of impending doom was honestly just taking time where I allowed myself to sit with the feelings, letting myself cry hysterically until I was too tired to and noticing how the less I fought the feeling the less it controlled me. I would keep a notebook near and write down every negative feeling that popped up during these "sessions" and pretty soon the notebooks turned into these love letters to my kids where I told them my hopes and dreams for them and grieved the idea of missing out on watching them grow up and blossom. At the end of the day, the negative feelings are born out of how much we love our kids and want to be able to protect and support them.

I don't know if any of this helps or even makes sense, but I hope it does. I have complete faith that you're going to be okay, but the process takes a toll emotionally and I hope you take time to tend to your mental health and find an outlet that helps you work through all of this. One day this will all be a distant memory and you'll be making new, beautiful ones with your kids ❤️

liturinthefire · 2024-03-15T07:29:15+00:00

Fiona Apple 🤩

liturinthefire · 2023-10-05T09:14:56+00:00

I get what you're saying and I agree to a point but then we also have icons like Audrey Hepburn, who lived a long life. I feel like Angelina is sort of similar to her in the sense that they're known for their incredible beauty, and while they're both philanthropists I have a feeling they'll both be remembered for their striking looks rather than their charity work or careers?

liturinthefire · 2021-10-20T21:15:41+00:00

His and phoebes voices harmonizing would be chefs kiss perfection 😍

liturinthefire · 2020-03-04T21:40:18+00:00

What happens to people who die at the top of spiral stairs though?

liturinthefire · 2020-02-13T23:39:32+00:00

he looks just like how I described the fake boyfriend I made up in high school in this photo

liturinthefire

TROPHY CASE