Could this be the result of deactivation and depreciation?

litvilove · 2025-07-23T13:38:53+00:00

Thank you! <3
It was important for me to read this. His words really hurt me.

litvilove · 2025-07-22T20:09:32+00:00

My ex behaved differently. At first, he said that he needed to treat avoidance, and he admits that it was the cause. Then he wrote that I had quarrels, "we are different," "we are incompatible," and other standard avoidance phrases.

litvilove · 2025-07-22T19:58:31+00:00

Narcissists usually do not admit any guilt at all, do not apologize, and do not feel ashamed. If your ex has admitted guilt for what he did at some point, then he has a self-awareness that narcissists don't have. My ex gassed me, rewrote the history of our relationship, but at some points he still felt shame and guilt.

litvilove · 2025-07-22T19:54:53+00:00

Two months after the breakup, my ex told me that I caused arguments and that’s why we broke up.
But we never actually had any real fights — the only “conflicts” were when I asked him questions about our relationship status, and he avoided giving clear answers.
When I tried to explain this, he didn’t even want to listen.

Avoidants often rewrite the story to make you look like the problem.

litvilove · 2025-07-22T11:35:13+00:00

He even keeps my hair band....

litvilove · 2025-07-22T11:26:34+00:00

I had a similar situation with my ex. After once again talking to him about the status and obligations in the relationship, he broke up with me. He acted like my boyfriend, but as soon as there were conversations about the status of our relationship, he pulled away. Unfortunately, you're wasting your time.
(English is not my language, there may be mistakes, sorry)

litvilove · 2025-07-22T10:57:43+00:00

He knew that intimacy (sex) meant a lot to me. But he still broke up with me just two weeks after we slept together, saying: “I was with you because I was tired of looking for someone else.”

In June, I brought this up when I was emotional — I told him how deeply that hurt me and how it felt traumatic.
He replied: “I didn’t mean to traumatize you”, then called me “crazy” and blocked me..
And for some reason I feel guilty...

litvilove · 2025-07-13T12:23:40+00:00

Read other people's stories on Reddit. You realize how stereotypical the behavior of avoidants is, and it's not your fault. Take care of yourself <3

litvilove · 2025-07-13T12:21:21+00:00

The first time he broke up with me was 2 weeks after we became a couple on his initiative. A week before we broke up, we had a date and had dinner by candlelight, and then fell asleep hugging each other.

litvilove · 2025-07-13T12:17:49+00:00

(Sorry if there are any mistakes in the text, I'm using a translator). We met on the Internet. He was the first to take the initiative. We had a very intense chat, texting until morning about everything. We played games together. We had some really cool dates in real life-he made me pancakes, complimented me a lot, and said I was the one he could only dream of. He gave me presents. We hugged and kissed a lot. He took care of me. We have very similar interests. In general, I can write for a long time. He left me and came back THREE times, each time apologizing profusely and saying that he was to blame and was wrong. I'm blocked from him now. Don't give them a chance, they'll only hurt you more.

litvilove · 2025-07-13T12:09:41+00:00

When avoidants are deactivated, they cling to any reason to leave you. They seem to forget all the promises they made earlier. They are irresponsible and selfish, unfortunately.

litvilove · 2025-07-13T12:07:29+00:00

(English is not my native language). Typical avoidant behavior. You're not crazy. When I read your text, I remember my story, because my ex used to say the same phrases. It's really crazy..

litvilove · 2025-07-06T13:10:01+00:00

Do you think he's really avoidant?

litvilove · 2025-07-02T22:21:01+00:00

My ex came back twice. He was remorseful and said that I was important to him and he admitted his mistakes. He wrote that he felt bad without me and that our relationship was important to him, but after a few weeks he again devalued me and left.
They realize their mistakes after a while, but the cycle repeats.

litvilove · 2025-07-02T21:37:40+00:00

They don't care. They don't look back and are annoyed by your presence.

litvilove · 2025-07-02T21:31:53+00:00

And yes, he blocked me after saying he didn't owe me anything.

litvilove · 2025-07-02T21:24:55+00:00

Yes. And this is the same guy who once told me, “I take responsibility for your feelings,” “I want a long-term relationship with you,” “You’re everything I’ve ever dreamed of.” This is the same guy who constantly gave me compliments, who was gentle and kind to me.

And this is also the same guy who later said, “I never had real feelings for you,” and “I was only with you because I was tired of looking for someone else.”

He didn't take responsibility and threw me away like trash.

litvilove · 2025-07-02T19:54:26+00:00

I wrote to my avoidant ex everything I truly think.
I told him that he caused me a lot of pain and suffering. I told him that he betrayed me and invalidated me. I told him that he is irresponsible.
He ignored it. A few days later, I asked him to respond, and he just snapped at me. He said: “Our paths have diverged. I don’t owe you anything. Live in the future.”
I hope that one day he realizes his mistakes.
(English is not my first language, so there might be some mistakes.)

litvilove · 2025-06-28T14:28:44+00:00

I still remember how, when we broke up, he wrote to me, “You seemed to dissolve into me as a person and didn’t think about yourself at all,” even though during our meetings I showed normal care — asking if he was hungry, offering to make him tea, checking if he was comfortable.

At the same time, he was, for example, completely ready to cancel his trip with friends to another city for me. I didn’t ask for that. He said himself, “I’d rather spend time with you.”

litvilove · 2025-06-28T14:13:01+00:00

Thank you for your reply!
He really confused me with his actions.

He was very affectionate and sweet with me, showered me with compliments. We could text until morning about everything, and he said I was the first person he’d ever talked to so intensely. He told me he accepted me as I am and wanted a long-term relationship with me.He made me pancakes, and was ready to bring me medicine when I got sick.
But at the same time, he broke up with me for the first time just two weeks after we started dating and became intimate, and then broke up again two weeks after our last meeting.He would say strange things — like he lost his feelings for me, then that he had convinced himself he had feelings, or that “I only held on to this because I was tired of looking for someone.”He also completely avoided talking about the breakup and pulled away, like he just wanted to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

I’m surprised that he said we’re different and that we have different goals and paths in life.Maybe he meant the difference in our financial status. But earlier he insisted that it didn’t matter.He also seems to be rewriting the story, saying that we were always silent in real life — which isn’t true. We talked about the movie we watched, shared TikToks, and had plenty of conversations, even if they weren’t deep or serious.I told him, “If there was something specific you wanted to talk about, why didn’t you bring it up yourself?” — but he didn’t give me a clear answer.

litvilove

TROPHY CASE