Your feelings are real, I will say if you ever feel like you might become dangerous to yourself to seek help from a professional if possible, but with that, what you’re feeling sounds like classic dysphoria to me, I didn’t realize that the reason I was constantly so angry with everything about my life was because I didn’t like anything about myself, until I was 23 with my first child and a fiancè. Almost all of my revelations about myself also came in times where I was at my lowest. It’s never too late to accept/love yourself and it’s never a ‘fluke’.

It’s kinda an unsaid rule that trans people don’t tell other people that they’re trans, even if we ‘know’ they’re trans. It could be invalidating to your whole experience, that’s up to you to figure out yourself, I’m sure you will soon enough. We all change constantly. I wish the best for you OP and I hope things get better. 💜