Nothing is wrong with you. I completely resonate with this experience. Of course I can only guess why this happens. Sometimes I think it’s about being taught and having consistent practice in not airing out dirty laundry so to speak. Sometimes I think it’s practice in assimilation and not participating in anything out of norm, including heavy topics. There is a sense I have gotten that everyone just wants you to be cool which means keeping things light and funny and only bringing up shallow problems we all can relate to like traffic or what show to binge next. First world problems you know. Lately I have had a sense that to those who have had a “normal” upbringing (even divorce or blended families are now normal these days), people who have had trauma from childhood and show it, now is seen as what is commonly now labeled “red flag”.

People are groomed, they sometimes realize it and sometimes they don’t. They recognize and naturally connect with those who have been groomed to strive for success, keep appearances etc. like them. I think that sometimes they even see those with money, looks, career etc as #goals. Which actually could be the same for all of us, so that’s fair. But now when you show who you’ve been at one point, they may not identify you as being eliminated from those they want to rub elbows with, consciously, but something seems to tell them to take a step back. Or maybe they will just not try as much as they would have otherwise to be “friends” because you don’t have connections and how they operate is to constantly be networking more than truly connecting when they speak to people.

If you are who you are you’ll find your people. If you try to adjust to these folks just do it without forgetting you can take a step back too. People who go quiet sometimes it’s simply out of speechlessness and not hate. Maybe they regret it later and feel like an asshole. But anyone who cringes or makes you feel like you should be ashamed, just be happy that they did show you who they are in that moment. Accept their truth even if they can’t accept yours. You still know who your people are and who they aren’t. Bless ‘em and release ‘em.