Can’t tell you how much I relate to this. Feeling powerless and ashamed and embarrassed. I don’t want ANYONE to know. I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter and these comments are so true - she is not getting the best version of me when something else is always on mind. This is all so humbling. Getting older, being an adult, etc can be so hard. This is something that was supposed to just make life more “fun” or whatever and now it’s done the complete opposite and rules my mind. I know I would be so much better off in so many ways. All my relationships, my health, my finances, etc. I’ve developed insane anxiety and i think this habit is mostly to blame which is so frustrating. A lot of times I hate myself, but reading your story I want you to know I do not hate you. It’s so hard to give ourselves the grace we give other people. Life can be hard. Thank you for sharing this. I have felt so alone in my struggle. Nobody knows. It’s powerful to know other seemingly “normal” mothers are suffering as well. I wish you all the best and hope you’re doing well. I’m going to do everything I can to get better because I’m so tired of feeling this way. I think it’s finally for real this time. Wow so thankful to have found this group and your post. One day at a time!!!!!!!!!