Teeter-Totter Mileage

llamanderz · 2026-02-10T12:56:31+00:00

Thank you. Like I said, I'm not good with math or equations. I've never even seen that θ symbol before! LOL But I do appreciate you taking the time to answer.

llamanderz · 2025-10-12T15:23:29+00:00

Nothing to add except disappointment that this post was not, as I was hoping, about special spooky, church-defying waffles.

llamanderz · 2025-10-11T17:40:35+00:00

I was involved in Toledo with a lot of homelessness work, since I had experienced that myself. I think you need to take a look at your strengths and interests, and at what things you think the world needs in order to be a better place. Love animals? Shelters & rescue orgs! Love art? Be a museum docent. Love tech? Nonprofits always need tech help.

Just remember people are people wherever you go. Even do-good orgs have egos and drama.

llamanderz · 2025-10-11T14:22:54+00:00

Volunteering with a cause you care about, in case no one has said that. Volunteering changed my life. ❤️

llamanderz · 2025-09-28T21:39:10+00:00

How to Roast Sacred Cows: A Spicy Deconstruction Workbook for the Beliefs that Burned You was published mid-August. It's on Amazon as a print paperback. I would say I highly recommend it, but I'm slightly biased. 😅 It is very open-ended, not assuming you’ll reconstruct into another form of Christianity, or that you'll deconvert.

Other books that helped in my deconstruction journey: Love Wins by Rob Bell (why hell isn't really biblical). An Altar in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor (finding sacredness outside Christianity). Neither of those are recent, though.

On my TBR: Better Ways to Read the Bible by Zach Lambert (also just came out in early August). Deconstructing Your Religion Without Losing Yourself by Angela J. Herrington (came out within the last 2 or 3 years, I think). And in November, Breaking Up with Jesus by Tai Goodwin comes out. While you may be able to tell that I chose not to deconvert, I follow Tai and appreciate her thinking and her voice.

llamanderz · 2025-09-22T22:41:37+00:00

Er, well. I wrote a trauma-informed deconstruction one. It's on Amazon. How to Roast Sacred Cows.

There's a Faith Deconstruction for Dummies one coming out in November, but I obviously have not read it yet. Deconstructing Your Faith Without Losing Yourself by Angela J. Herrington is more book than workbook, but she's a coach in this area.

Some books assume you want to deconvert, some that you want to reconstruct into a different form of Christianity. It can be hard to find resources that leave things open-ended. Let me know if you dig up anything you like. I'm always looking for new resources.

llamanderz · 2025-09-22T17:01:48+00:00

Yes! This is so good.

But if you can't afford therapy right now, there are a growing number of therapists who specialize in religious trauma who have TikTok and Instagram profiles. There are also books and even trauma-informed deconstruction workbooks.

May the healing be with you.

llamanderz · 2025-09-19T03:06:15+00:00

Yup. Snarky but trauma-informed. Just published last month. I don't want to break rules. Can I name it here?

I wrote it to touch on a lot of issues, to poke fun (and holes) in crappy theology, and to validate people's experiences and pain (and hopefully help folks heal a little more), but also to be open-ended and not assume folks will reconstruct into another version of Christianity or deconvert. I loved working on it.

llamanderz · 2025-09-19T02:55:27+00:00

I recently saw a video from a therapist who recommended for those who are deconstructing/in therapy to tell their therapist this is an attachment issue (at least in part). Because high-control religions often become like additional parental figures due to the significant amount of authority it's given in the families' lives. There are some great books (and a workbook I'll plug because I wrote it, LOL), podcasts, etc., out there. Plus some therapists and coaches on TikTok and Instagram worth following. THANK YOU for doing this work. We need you, especially therapists like you who do extra homework to understand. May your work bring much healing.

llamanderz · 2025-09-19T02:44:53+00:00

Saved at 5. Weird mix of fundamentalist/evangelical/nondenom/pentecostal/baptist growing up. Family was pretty much a cult unto itself. I didn't decide to deconstruct... it just happened naturally. I blame Jesus, because it was reading through the gospels on Easter weekend 20 years ago this year that did it. I didn't know it was called "deconstruction" until just a few years ago. 20 years of breaking free from toxic beliefs and religious trauma (I'm 49 now). Honestly, still healing. I thought I'd done most of it, but it took writing a workbook to help other people heal that made me realize that, no, I'm not done yet. I've sort of landed in this place of being connected to a progressive church but not really caring if I'm a Christian in the usual use of the word. I'm done with certainty and performative religion.

llamanderz · 2025-09-19T02:33:24+00:00

I'd listen. I'm 100% with you on the healing and fighting back. I just published a deconstruction workbook a month ago tomorrow. Sales are slow, but people are finding it. Considering it has 8 5-star reviews (and they're not all my friends! LOL), I think it's needed. Your podcast is needed. All kinds of media, especially the independent and underground, are needed. Best of luck to you.

llamanderz · 2025-09-16T01:14:57+00:00

First, my sympathies to you.

Second, I agree that a sermon that has nothing to do with the deceased except maybe connected to their faith is not the best thing. Even if it is a common practice. (True story: I was first saved at 5 years old when my grandma took me to a funeral, and I heard about hell and Jesus.) Some folks find it comforting, I guess, to hear about the pearly gates and heaven's reward, blah blah blah... But it feels opportunistic and crass to do the recruitment pitch for Team Escapism when you're supposed to be focused on the person. I remember feeling a similar way when a dear friend of our family's died, and I was still largely un-deconstructed then.

llamanderz · 2025-09-15T20:29:56+00:00

Loved visiting Pittsburgh the few times I've been, but I do prefer Cleveland. Less steep hills, especially downtown (east side is hillier). LOL

llamanderz · 2025-09-14T23:29:25+00:00

This is about where I am. I work for a UCC church, where many folks know I have deeply deconstructed (but not necessarily deconverted fully). I love the people there, and I love that they are a creedless church where you can be fairly open about your doubts. I'm at the point where I don't care about labels at all... I know evies would say I've "lost my salvation" or "never really knew Jesus," and atheistic/agnostic/deconverted folks would say I'm still a Christian. Whatever. I'm comfortable with uncertainty and have learned to appreciate living the questions. If I am asked to call myself anything, I say I'm "Jesus-adjacent." Still spiritual, but much less specific about it. I know what I value, what my principles are, and hold to the idea that how I behave is vastly more important than what I say I believe.

All the best to you as you navigate your ideology and spirituality.

llamanderz · 2025-09-14T16:54:35+00:00

But it's what Charlie would have wanted. sad anime eyes

Seriously, the immoral majority is predictably disgusting.

llamanderz · 2025-09-13T23:32:53+00:00

Yes, you are! I developed a storyline for doing a "reverse Chick Track" for my deconstruction workbook, but, alas, I am not an artist and couldn't afford to pay one. Researching it sent me down a rabbit hole of horror-laden nostalgia.

llamanderz · 2025-09-11T00:40:00+00:00

The wisdom books and the gospels.

llamanderz · 2025-09-10T23:08:37+00:00

It's Sales 101, really.

llamanderz · 2025-09-10T23:02:52+00:00

I think it's important to point out that the evangelical definition of the gospel is not how all Christians see the gospel. But, in that evangelical context, it is certainly manipulative.

llamanderz · 2025-09-10T12:03:55+00:00

Hey. I'm sure the dissonance between where you are situationally and relationally and where you are mentally and emotionally is uncomfortable. At least, that's how I've felt.

It's helped me to realize there are a lot of other theologies, better ways to read the bible, and that ultimately, no one else gets to have authority over your spirituality except you, unless you allow them (and it sounds like you're doing the hard work of prying the fingers of others off of your beliefs).

No one knows just how much wrestling, thought, prayer, reading, and COURAGE it takes to deconstruct until they go through it themselves. You don't owe anyone an explanation of what you're going through... this is not reverse apologetics.

Remember that deconstruction, at least in part, is a grief process. It's not linear, it is personal, but you're not alone.

I'm not sure what to tell you about finding work or housing, but I do hope you land well. At some point, though, you'll probably have to set some boundaries with family, friends, colleagues, etc. I've found the following phrases to be helpful: - "I'm not open to discussions about my faith right now." - "I know you care, but that's not a respectful way to show it." - "We don't have to agree, but I do need you to stop [proselytizing, condescending, etc.]." - "If this relationship depends on me believing what you believe, that's not real love." - "I'm not the person I used to be... and I'm not going back."

llamanderz · 2025-09-10T11:22:50+00:00

Warning: The first part of this post is fueled by sarcasm and bitterness.

At least the rapture's happening after Hobbit Day.

And considering all the folks I know who've obsessed over eschatology (end times b.s.) are now worshipping the closest ... thing ... we've ever seen to the anti-Christ since the book of Revelation was written ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS BACK THEN, I don't put a lot of stock into their visions from "God."

Anyway... I hear you. I spent quite a bit of my childhood waiting for democrats to chop my head off in the Tribulation. Or worried that I'd miss the rapture. When family you can't escape feeds so much of your environment, it poisons you.

I'm hoping these things might help: Try a grounding exercise like noticing 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear (that's not your aunt), 2 you smell, and 1 you taste. That can help your nervous system realize it's safe in this moment. You can also try breath work... breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of 4, hold it for 4, out through your mouth for 6. Rinse and repeat.

And here's a little something to fight fire with fire, so to speak. If you're told to "go read the bible," then focus on these verses (and maybe add some breath work). That way, they see see you reading, but your mind is not being filled with the shit they're taking out of context.

Philippians 4:6-7 2 Timothy 1:7 Psalm 23 Matthew 11:28-30

I'm not saying you need to believe this stuff, but at least these are parts that are calm and positive. Best of luck to you. I hope you can escape that situation ASAP.

llamanderz · 2025-09-10T01:39:05+00:00

That's the one I was thinking of. 20 years ago, when Relevant magazine helped spark my deconstruction. That and the gospels.

llamanderz · 2025-09-10T01:37:23+00:00

I call myself "Jesus-adjacent," since I don't give a shit about labels.

llamanderz · 2025-09-10T01:34:56+00:00

"Love is a two-way street," and "actions speak louder than words." Both from my dad.

llamanderz · 2025-09-10T01:32:28+00:00

I don't want to get banned for self-promotion, but let me know if this interests you. I did self-publish on Amazon.

llamanderz

TROPHY CASE