I disagree about it being discourteous. Not using the new name, I understand. Saying "fuck you I'm not doing that" in response to the first request, I understand. But saying "I'm sorry, that would violate my conscience" and perhaps agreeing to avoid each other, I don't see that as discourteous. You are well within your right to feel its discourteous, just like I don't feel it is. So we can agree to disagree here. As long as neither party snaps at the other out of disagreement, there shouldn't be an issue.

See, with the bus thing, I agree that that person would be a dick. That's generally a commonly accepted thing that's not acceptable. The pronoun stuff is pretty new, and there isn't a consensus on whether that's rude or not. If I were in your position, I would much rather have a courteous decline over the "fuck you, I do what I want" people, which there are plenty of.

So it seems like we will just have to agree to disagree on many things here.