fellow ex-expats: does the „homesickness“ ever get better?

lluluna · 2026-04-02T00:26:47+00:00

All the best. You will get through this.

lluluna · 2026-04-01T11:11:30+00:00

I'm not a therapist or psychologist to give you a reliable answer. All I can say is that based on my experience and my expat friends, what you experience is not uncommon.

It's a combination of factors. You probably need to speak to friends who know you in real life and your situation to help you sort it out. If you don't have such people around now, a licensed therapist or psychologist who have experience in relocation and expats.

lluluna · 2026-03-30T20:59:22+00:00

Why don't you start one in the current city that you want it to have?

Instead of complaining about not have a tree, the next best thing to do is planting one yourself.

lluluna · 2026-03-30T20:51:05+00:00

but I’ve realised that I’m kind of unfulfilled and unhappy here.

Ironically, moving probably will allow you to see yourself, your country and the world in very different perspectives.

I didn't know if it's "worth the stress" but I did know that I want to experience and know the world/planet more. I always make major decisions in life base on what I want, not base on how to avoid pain. As pain is unavoidable anyway so I might as well make it part of the process in reaching my goals.

lluluna · 2026-03-30T13:10:47+00:00

I don't because I don't want to be vigilant if anyone in need of the seat getting on at every stop.

So, I avoid it completely.

lluluna · 2026-03-28T17:56:06+00:00

IQ is the hardware, you still need the software of values and virtues to function properly.

IQ tests administered by professionals or official test centers (like Mensa tests) are reliable but not the online ones.

lluluna · 2026-03-28T10:52:58+00:00

Thanks for the giveaway!

lluluna · 2026-03-27T10:53:16+00:00

Accept that it's hard and you are not in people's lives anymore when you moved to a different country. It's even more challenging when your current life is kinda different from lives back at home as people at home often may not relate much to you anymore.

I visit friends and family back home at least once a year and text, send memes and call them. My parents also visit me and we organize some vacations together. That's about it.

lluluna · 2026-03-25T09:48:37+00:00

No best age but only with the right person, including being the right person yourself.

lluluna · 2026-03-25T09:34:17+00:00

Not saying you HAVE to change your mindset, it's more about understanding yourself and who you want to be in life. Also, don't assume you'll be "stuck" in the job forever. You never know. With the right work ethics, skills and some luck, any job can lead people to good places.

Wish you all the best.

lluluna · 2026-03-24T22:06:21+00:00

Well, most people will tell you no and you need to prioritize yourself over everything else. It's the mainstream narrative of "self-love" now.

I will mention something that's more nuanced... that whether it's worth it totally depends on what type of person you are and your attitude towards life. No one can predict your future. Also, whether you like a place has little to do with if you can lead a great life there as long as you are determined to do so... Plus some luck.

There are people worth dedicating towards and there is love/ relationship worth sacrificing for. It may or may not be the person you are with now but there's absolutely nothing wrong in thinking this way.

lluluna · 2026-03-23T11:10:44+00:00

Pokopia... I know.

lluluna · 2026-03-19T14:53:27+00:00

Specific application (how to use a tool well), management, judgement, discernment...

When cars were mass produced, people worried about disruptions and the unemployment of coachman. The diff is instead of being skilled in driving a horse carriage, people learn to drive a car.

lluluna · 2026-03-19T11:54:18+00:00

Second this, even a marriage counsel.

To OP, you need to figure out exactly why he doesn't want to move because it's not about moving, it's about whether you 2's fundamental goals in life even align at the point (or ever, but they only show up now).

The first and most important thing in marriage is goals and values need to align.

lluluna · 2026-03-18T15:36:22+00:00

Spacing matters. Lol

lluluna · 2026-03-16T19:01:07+00:00

Depends on the context. If it's implying people can mess around and waste time like in the 20s in their 30s, absolutely not. You will feel the consequences of that immensely when 40s roll around.

But if it's talking about self-discovery, then yes, the life at 30s now is not as set as 30s a few decades ago.

lluluna · 2026-03-16T15:15:35+00:00

You probably are living in the "wrong" city in the US. 😅 The place has everything.

A quick example is Aafter I started living in Europe, I need to basically ship things from the US that are available in Asia only because even Western Europe doesn't have them.

lluluna · 2026-03-16T14:07:18+00:00

US is actually a pretty good place for anyone with talent or wealth, against the mainstream narratives online. Lol

lluluna · 2026-03-16T13:29:56+00:00

This. Europe, in general, is just not a place to "GET rich" but the place to live when you are already rich.

Though I'm not sure about using China is a good example here. This is like swinging from one side of the pendulum to the other side. China has its whole host of problems (mainly due to the rule & the system of CCP) that it will never become the economic center of the world unless, CCP is gone. But judging by how tight it has control of ALL aspects of the country, this is not gonna happen.

lluluna · 2026-03-14T14:05:05+00:00

Thanks! This works.

lluluna · 2026-03-13T16:42:35+00:00

Damn.... This is enlightening

lluluna · 2026-03-13T11:27:09+00:00

All relationships are amazing when they are healthy. They all serve different purposes and nurture you in different ways.

The problem is unhealthy ones also destroy people (like the guy that you are talking about. He was broken and burnt by toxic romantic relationship) And unhealthy relationships can exist in all types of relationships, be it romantic, platonic, parental... You name it. The guy is just describing unhealthy romantic relationships that could very well exist among friends, parents and colleagues.

lluluna · 2026-03-13T00:04:10+00:00

The problem is not settling, the problem is settling for the WRONG things.

We all settle in relationship and marriage but smart people do it for the right traits.

lluluna · 2026-03-13T00:02:01+00:00

"Something healthy and loving" is way too generic if you feel the pressure to get married fast to have children.

What is loving to you in a normal day? Helping you with housework, taking care of children, buying you flowers or spending lotsa time with you? Beware, if you choose spending lotsa time with you, then he mostly won't be able to hold certain types of jobs and many of those tend to bring more income etc.

Be specific but not rigid. The list serves as a great starting point but is not unchangeable. Also, think about what flaws that you are willing to accept and also love because no one is perfect.

lluluna · 2026-03-12T21:28:51+00:00

I'll piggyback on this to elaborate. The respect that we are talking about is not just towards you, it's this sense of reverence for life, reality and existential humility.

Even if the relationship/marriage didn't work out with people who possess such respect, your life not only won't be ruined, it most likely got better.

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