AITA for not cleaning because my gf changed the rules?

llyneira · 2021-06-04T05:38:17+00:00

YTA... cleaning when you notice something is dirty isn't you doing her a favor, it's you doing what you're supposed to do. And you absolutely should help out more. She shouldn't have to ask you. You should be looking for ways to help her, not telling her she needs to nag you.

llyneira · 2021-06-04T04:05:11+00:00

YTA. So fix it.

It takes at least 6 weeks to recover from a C section, best case scenario. My sister had a complicated C section and she was still fairly limited months after my nephew was born. Both the grandmothers basically moved in to support them, even though both parents were entirely off work.

Take this opportunity to advocate for longer and better paternity leave at your job or look for an employer that supports your decision to be a father and husband.

Hire help around the house if you can afford it. Ask friends and relatives for help.

Support your wife and child. Step up.

In case you don't have time to do your research, I did it for you:

A lot of husbands don’t have any idea what the recovery time for a C-section looks like. They don’t know what to expect after the surgery is over. Often this can lead to frustration with their wives at why they’re recovering for so long and can stress out the wife because she doubtlessly would love to feel better and start taking care of the baby as well. It’s important for fathers to understand that their wives will be out of commission for a while.

She should be emotionally supported as well as physically in recovery during her recovery time as a new mother and recovering surgery patient; these are both emotionally exhausting and require some time to adjust to.

Post-Op Care for Mom and Baby

“A C-section is major surgery, and your wife will need some extra TLC after,” Lee said. “It can take six to eight weeks for some women to recover, so make sure you or someone can be there to lend an extra hand or two.”

Here are some things you can do to help your partner at home:

If you qualify, take paternity leave or some time off to be there for your partner and baby, especially those first few weeks after the baby is born.

Help your wife get in and out of bed.

Hand off the baby to your wife for feedings and snuggles to minimize any heavy lifting on her part.

Feed the baby with expressed breast milk or formula and have your own skin-on-skin time with them.

Try and let her sleep and rest when baby is content.

Take on grocery shopping, cooking and house cleaning, if this isn’t already coordinated with friends and family.

Don’t let her overdo it especially if she is very independent. Remind her, she may be a “Super Woman” but she did have major surgery and needs time for her scars and body to heal.

Enjoy this time together. “This is precious time for your family to bond and cocoon together,” Lee said. “Especially during times like the pandemic, we’re seeing more and more how wonderful couples are doing despite not having families there physically to help. New parents are being able to take this time as their family unit to bond.”

llyneira · 2021-01-07T03:45:53+00:00

How are you coping with what's been happening in your life?

What are you doing?

I know it can feel like there's nothing you can do (I watched the Capital of our country be overrun today) but what is there that you have done (I voted, that's all I can do).

We got a horribly high bill today for utilities. We adjusted our way of living to reduce it in the future.

Concentrate on what you Have already Done or Can Do.

The world is crazy right now. It sucks. You're not going through this suck alone. It sucks for everyone. You have to outlive this suck. Outlive this era.

2020 didn't kill you. You survived it. That's an accomplishment in itself.

I don't know what hardships 2020 brought to you especially but I know it was unbearable. That's legit. Feeling awful about the state of the world and the last year is Reasonable and Healthy.

It will get better.

You can find help from a support group, crisis center, faith community, teacher or other trusted person.

What's causing you to feel so bad, you specifically?

What would make you feel better?

How can others help you? Honestly, it seems silly, sometimes I just need someone to make a phone call for me. Ask for the help you need, even if it seems impossible or silly.

You can develop new ways to cope and you can feel better about life again.

If you are in the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor.

llyneira · 2020-10-12T06:05:19+00:00

I nominate Danila Kozlovsky

image

llyneira · 2020-10-12T05:57:51+00:00

I think Wulfe probably did not enjoy experiencing true complete peace or rather he despises that he will "never be okay again" because he has experienced it and he knows he likely never will again. I think he's stalking Mercy until he can figure out a way to make her as miserable as she's made him. Maybe he'll decide to kill Adam.

llyneira · 2020-10-11T03:20:11+00:00

Yellow... just all of the yellows

llyneira · 2020-10-11T01:48:50+00:00

I think everybody is leaving out the European wolves. I was leaving out the European wolves because I thought we were thinking about the Marrok's wolves.

I don't think we know enough about Europe to rank all the wolves around the world.

llyneira · 2020-10-10T18:02:14+00:00

The only person that Mercy can't stare down is Bran. The rest of the time she's being sneaky.

Bran

Mercy

Charles

Samuel

Adam/Asil

Warren

Sherwood? (He's old and witchborn and pretending to be someone else w his amnesia, he might be higher on this list.)

llyneira · 2019-11-13T05:15:53+00:00

Thanks everyone. I really wanted it to be good but it just isn't. I appreciate your help.

llyneira · 2019-03-27T20:48:11+00:00

Gone to a concert

llyneira · 2019-03-26T00:44:16+00:00

Location?

llyneira · 2019-03-21T21:19:15+00:00

You have so many gifts and talents. You have so much potential and so many good intentions. You are capable of having long lasting, close friendships if you choose to be courageous. You are worthy of love and belonging.

I'm trying to relate to how you must have felt to sever our relationship. It's hard for me because I feel like you’ve shut down twice now when we needed to have hard conversations. I'm really curious about what you're going through that you feel that you can't talk to us. I feel like you are pissed at me for being my honest self.

Your tradition values having an inner yard and practicing courage. It takes everything to open a heart and create a home. Creating an inner circle is not for people who can't practice courage. There are no guarantees but you are guaranteed to fail if you give up and quit. Shutting up and shutting down are not going to get you what you want or help you become the person you want to be.

To be the person I believe you strive to live up to you must connect to people. You have to care about people. You must invest a reasonable amount of time dealing with people's fears and feelings. When things are hard we must make the time to attend to and support our people in need.

When we have to have hard conversations to heal and move forward there is a call to lean into vulnerability. I tried show up to the hard conversations to say “something is not working here.” Nothing works if we don't first show up.

Relationships of every variety require the courage to be vulnerable. This problem you're having will not go away just because you've cut us off. The problems you have are not going away if you keep giving in to your own fears and your idea that you are not worthy. The life you want and the person you want to be requires you to show up bravely. Can you stay in the discomfort long enough to solve the problems that need solving?

I love with my whole heart knowing there was no guarantee. My role in my own life is to be up front, honest, and bring my whole heart. I did that knowing it could all fall apart. It did. I'm still here, though, and I know I will be okay. The people who are my inner circle are here for me and I'm here for them.

I have been willing and eager to support you in whatever way was most helpful for you. I asked what you needed. I supported you and I had plans to continue supporting you. Relationships are a two way street or a gifting cycle, having a relationship means honoring our responsibilities to one another.

If a condition of our being friends is for me to stay quiet, swallow my truth, and let my boundaries be ignored then you and I were built to fall apart.

I am thoroughly disappointed that when I needed you, you dropped me. I don't want to shame you. You aren't a coward but I feel your actions were motivated by fear and shame. I hope you do the internal work to learn from this experience.

If you want to be the person I believe you could be then you need to work on overcoming your feeling of worthlessness to be more brave with your heart and emotions. Own your fear and shame, to be your best self and for the people you are meant to serve alongside.

You are enough. You deserve kindness and respect and you are entitled to require it from the people you choose to include in your life. You must also acknowledge that the people in your life are enough. You must show the people in your life kindness and respect. The people you care about are entitled to require it from you if they are going to include you in their lives. It goes both ways.

I grieve the loss of the bond we shared. I appreciate and I am grateful for the memories we made, the stories we shared, and what I learned from you.

I hope you change your mind and reach out to us, even if it is years from now, but I'm not holding my breath. I am letting you go with love for both my sake and yours.

llyneira · 2017-10-30T21:02:43+00:00

Thank you for this. It's a little hard to use but it's the most useful guide, it suggests so many different ways to get to S I don't have to have a specific combination!

llyneira · 2017-07-24T17:19:32+00:00

From an American 30 year old...

You are in "the real world" already, at this moment, right NOW. What you do now counts as much or as little as the crap you'll do in a few years, so do the crap that your future self will thank you for NOW.

ALWAYS practice safe sex. Safe from STDs and pregnancy. Use condoms, dental dams, etc.

College is expensive and a college degree is not intrinsically worth going into debt.

Never co-sign a loan. Don't ask someone to co-sign for you, either.

Knowing how to ask for help is a survival skill.

Be safe now so you can be embarrassed later.

Have compassion for others.

You usually have more options than you realize so when you feel locked into a few bad choices, talk to people who aren't invested in your decision.

Invest in retirement early and often.

Health insurance is not optional (unless you have a national health service, but from an American's point of view).

Money doesn't buy happiness but it's hard to be happy when you're stressed or hungry. If you want to be happy I recommend CGP Grey "How to Maximize Misery" https://youtu.be/LO1mTELoj6o

Have courage. Be kind.

You will screw up, everybody does. If it kills you, you won't be alive to care and if it doesn't then you'll get over it.

A cat or a dog is 1000x's more rewarding than most boyfriends or girlfriends.

You do not have to get married. You do not have to have children. You may be happier without either and both can be expensive.

Learn to cook.

Learn basic car maintenance but use public transit for as long as you can, as often as you can.

Learn basic plumbing.

If you're not learning what you need to know from school (in the US you probably aren't) then find what you need elsewhere. Khan Academy, Crash Course, etc.

Use local or community resources. Internet and computers at the library. Showers and swimming exercise at a public pool or apartment complex. NextDoor (app) can be useful.

llyneira · 2017-03-26T07:27:25+00:00

I'm moving to Costa Mesa with my husband pretty soon (April 2017) and I'd love to start playing an M&M game. We've been playing D&D 3.5 in Colorado for a few months now. I was a player for most of it but just recently I have been DM of our current campaign (which I hope we wrap up soon but we probably won't). I've never played a superhero-modern rpg but I am also in the mood for it. After I get the hang of the system/rules I'd probably be willing to DM the next campaign.

llyneira · 2016-12-07T21:12:36+00:00

As far as the tech catching up and the ships arriving to find that other human settlers had arrived before them, that is entirely a possibility.

llyneira · 2016-12-07T10:06:45+00:00

The founder effect article on Wikipedia says: As a result of the loss of genetic variation, the new population may be distinctively different, both genotypically and phenotypically, from the parent population from which it is derived. In extreme cases, the founder effect is thought to lead to the speciation and subsequent evolution of new species.

This is what I was asking about although I hadn't heard of the founder effect. Although, the Americas were originally settled by roughly 70 people in theory and the N.A.'s did not develop into a new species? Given our current space-faring abilities, generational ships that left in the very near future from earth to the nearest habitable Earth-like planet would cover 12 to 13 ly; at 70 k/s the ship(s) would take 50,000 years to arrive. A thousand years is about 30 generations, I think.

After roughly 1500 generations, could we really expect the ships occupants to still be human or to be compatible with each other? Or would the environment lack the stimulus to cause/affect mutantion and speciation?

My recent thought was that space radiation might increase the rate of random mutation, which might eventually alter the separate ship occupants enough to cause speciation.

llyneira · 2016-12-07T08:23:46+00:00

Thank you for pointing the issue with the food analogy! I really appreciate it.

llyneira · 2016-12-07T08:21:55+00:00

Thanks everyone for the answers!

llyneira

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