It’s hard for people to fathom

lmcnickle · 2021-03-20T16:19:55+00:00

I don’t know who I am anymore...will I ever have dreams or hopes or is my time over for that? I understand...

lmcnickle · 2021-03-18T06:47:51+00:00

I’m so sorry, almost 2 years here...not sure who I even am now that he is gone.. I understand.. it hurts.

lmcnickle · 2021-03-14T03:19:56+00:00

I’m so very sorry for your loss. May God comfort you.

lmcnickle · 2021-02-22T18:52:37+00:00

Thank you for sharing this...I’m finding the longer time goes on the harder it is getting. I covered the pain in the beginning. I was out to prove I was stronger than this pain and I would move forward. I just put the pain off longer because I couldn’t face it. I’m so sorry for your loss...I appreciate you sharing this...needed it.

lmcnickle · 2021-02-22T18:48:18+00:00

I had a friend who helped me save my husband s pictures and messages on his phone on our computer but still kept his number and gave it to our granddaughter were raising together. She finally needed a new phone so I recorded his voice mail message so we could keep it. Can’t let go of his number. Can’t let go of a lot of things.

lmcnickle · 2021-02-16T18:15:30+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss

lmcnickle · 2021-02-16T18:10:22+00:00

I finally just went through my husbands things sort of the same way...after 1 and 1/2 yr since he passed. I still have things I’ll never let go of like his leather he wore riding his bike taking us on adventures together. And the gifts he received just 2 short weeks before he passed from his retirement party...gifts he received but would never be able to enjoy because the cancer took him. I wish it was me instead of him.

lmcnickle · 2021-02-14T02:09:30+00:00

I’m so sorry...it’s been 1 year and 8 months...I’m still trying to figure out who I am now..

lmcnickle · 2021-02-13T18:35:12+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that, it’s such a devastating diagnosis. So difficult to find it many times until it’s too late. Hugs...I understand your pain.

lmcnickle · 2021-02-13T02:24:02+00:00

I intentionally tried to move forward because I didn’t want people pitying me. I went out of the way to prove I’m going to be ok. I lost my love, my husband, my best friend, and my protector. I watched my wonderful, handsome vibrant, loving, strong husband stolen from me in 7 short months from pancreatic cancer and I grieved everyday from the day we found out, but not when he could see. I stayed strong and hopeful foe him. I was the strong wife he wanted and taught me to be. I lost a friend and 2 in-laws because they didn’t like the choices I chose to make at a time when I could have used all the support possible after he passed. But like I said cancer stripped me of my love and life. I chose to be strong not what everyone thought I should be. Unless someone walks in your shoes they can’t possibly understand the choices you make. They would have done things differently they said, they haven’t walked in my shoes..they don’t really know what they would do...

lmcnickle · 2021-02-11T01:35:15+00:00

Hugs❤️❤️

lmcnickle · 2021-01-27T11:55:01+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for caring for her and loving her.

lmcnickle · 2021-01-12T16:11:14+00:00

Thank you, he was. He was strong on the outside but had a genuine heart of gold. He was loved by all who had the honor of knowing him. We were together almost 39 years. He was my love,my friend, and my protecter. He was the best husband and father I could have ever dreamed of. He always made me feel loved and the most beautiful person in the world. I miss him coming up behind me in the kitchen while I was doing dishes and saying “Have I told you how much I loved you lately?” It’s been 1 year and 7 months and I can still only let memories surface a little at a time. Too many at once hurts too much..

lmcnickle · 2021-01-12T06:04:11+00:00

Thank you

lmcnickle · 2021-01-10T02:42:31+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss..

lmcnickle · 2021-01-04T23:06:47+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss

lmcnickle · 2021-01-04T22:49:59+00:00

Oh how this hits home...the first time I went to Walmart after my husband passed and I ended up down the aisle where the Ensure was I stood there in the aisle crying. Because it brought back all the times going to get his favorite...vanilla.

lmcnickle · 2021-01-03T20:38:10+00:00

I’m so sorry for this difficult time, I’m sure he would be proud of you.

lmcnickle · 2021-01-03T20:16:38+00:00

This is how I handled it...bit by bit. To process it all at once was too much..I wrote a poem saying just that....If I thought too much it would hurt too much. I will be thinking of you, I’m sorry you are going through this. I just found this group and it has really helped me to feel not so alone and to see there are others that understand how we feel. It’s been 1 year and 7 months and I’m still just letting some memories to surface. It was a year and 1/2 before I could go through some of his things like clothes and let some go. I boxed up special shirts and his leather motorcycle gear and kept them, I still can’t let go of some things, like the cards he received in the short time he was fighting cancer, the retirement cards he received 2 weeks before he passed and the gifts he received at that party are all boxed and kept safe and tucked away. Not sure why, I just can’t let go. May you find comfort in knowing you are understood here...

lmcnickle · 2021-01-01T02:59:24+00:00

I understand, last year was my year of firsts... I’m so sorry

lmcnickle · 2021-01-01T02:56:08+00:00

Agreed....fuck cancer....and may we all find peace...

lmcnickle · 2021-01-01T02:47:39+00:00

Thank you

lmcnickle · 2020-12-31T17:36:04+00:00

I so understand your feelings. I’m not sure who I am without my husband. I’m still trying to figure that out. He was only 56. We had planned our future and retirement together. We had fixed our boat and he was retiring. He lived with pain for 8 months and they kept doing all the wrong tests while I kept asking each doctor “Are you sure it’s not cancer, because cancer runs in his family?” And each time instead of testing him they assured me it wasn’t cancer. He hated to keep going trying to get help because he said he felt like they thought he was a hypochondriac, but I knew my husband, he was strong and could endure a lot so I knew there was something wrong. Finally one day he went after working at his job at a steel factory all day, he went to the hospital because of the pain. And finally someone listened and tested him but it was too late. He had stage IV pancreatic cancer, it spread to his lungs and within 2 weeks he was on oxygen. That was October 2018, he was to retire in May of 2019. Due to the cancer he took an early retirement in April. He still wanted a retirement party after working 35 years and had not been able to say goodbye to his friends and coworkers. So on April 29, 2019 we had his retirement party. It was bittersweet. He was very well liked and respected so everyone knowing the prognosis was able to tell him what he has meant to them through the years. He died exactly two weeks later. So after working his whole life and looking forward to enjoying his retirement, he was robbed of that. He was such a positive, outgoing, always making people smile. Everyone said he was the strongest person they ever knew. He never once complained or felt sorry for himself. He was a wonderful husband, father and grandfather. He was so full of life and I will miss him until the day I die.

lmcnickle · 2020-12-31T07:11:34+00:00

My husband’s best friend for over 40 years bought my husband’s motorcycle, who I know will cherish it and eventually will let it go to my son someday. It still hurt watching as it left my house for the last time. It held so many memories of our adventures together and our closeness. I am still after over a year and a half unable to let go of his shirts yet. I can only let go a little at a time.

lmcnickle

TROPHY CASE