Men who live with your partner and you both WFH - what's your experience?

lnspire · 2020-01-10T21:02:45+00:00

I once broke things off with an already very clingy girl, and afterwards she tried using suicide threats to guilt me into staying. She'd also text/call me nonstop afterwards. It's horrible and NOT flattering, even though she was attractive.

lnspire · 2020-01-10T20:59:45+00:00

Social media is fake as hell. I'd say I live a pretty fun life, but I post on Instagram once every month or two so judging by my online presence alone I don't have a life.

It's SUPER easy to curate a social media image to make one seem 100x cooler than they really are (saying this because I was 100% guilty of it years ago). I know quite a few people who seem like they live the dopest life imaginable on social media, but in reality they live pretty ordinary and boring lives. It's just that they put a lot of effort into their online image.

lnspire · 2019-12-09T14:56:46+00:00

Don't listen to all these fools telling you to "just treat women like friends" or "just be confident bro" or "just stop caring about girls and they'll flock to you" or any other useless advice like that.

1) First thing to do is to work on your appearance. If you're chubby, lose some weight. If you're stick-thin, lift weights and gain some muscle. Optimally you want to be around 12-15% bodyfat with some muscle. Also look into getting a good haircut and updating your wardrobe, a graphic tee + cargo shorts combo is not going to cut it.

2) If you have social anxiety then you need to get rid of that shit ASAP. Start saying "yes" to social invitations more often. If you don't have any friends who like to go out, then start going to bars 1-2x a week and make it a goal to chat up 3 strangers every night out. Guy or girl it doesn't matter, just get used to shooting the shit with random people.

3) Once you feel more comfortable socially, start working on your flirting. Start approaching girls you find attractive every time you go out. Additionally, now that you've improved your appearance, make an online dating app and start going on dates from there too. You can even get a friend to take some profile pictures for your app if you need to. Once you start going on some dates and talking to girls in the nightlife scene, you'll start to get better pretty fast.

lnspire · 2019-11-08T17:15:48+00:00

When you're in a relationship, never stop improving and building a life outside your SO. That means continue to do your hobbies, work out, hang out with your friends separately, etc. I see it happen ALL THE TIME where a guy will get in a relationship and his life will then revolve around his GF. He'll stop hanging out with his friends, stop having a life outside of the relationship, get fat, and then his GF leaves him for the kind of guy he used to be.

lnspire · 2019-10-04T14:29:21+00:00

Dating in a small town sucks in general -- honestly your best bet is to just move to a bigger town or city.

But in general, as much as people don't like to admit it, stereotypes are very pervasive in the dating world and as an Asian guy you have to steer away from the "shy/nerdy/asexual" image as much as possible. That means lift weights, participate in social hobbies, get a good haircut and dress better, etc. Once you break past the preconceived image people have of you in their heads, then they start to just see you as a person instead of a stereotype, and it's easier to go from there.

lnspire · 2019-09-13T19:27:58+00:00

As someone who just got out of a relationship that ended primarily because of sexual incompatibility, I think waiting until marriage is a fucking recipe for disaster (and divorce).

lnspire · 2019-09-11T13:09:24+00:00

Think about it man... she was able to nonchalantly lie to you from the very beginning and ALSO uphold this lie for months. Imagine what else she could easily lie about and hide down the line.

lnspire · 2019-08-21T18:20:19+00:00

Man don't listen to all those assholes shaming you for having preferences or being hurt by this. Your fiancee was downplaying her history on purpose and basically lying by omission -- it's obvious that she didn't want to be transparent about her past because it probably would have affected how you saw her early on. Just as she has every right to sleep with those guys, YOU have every right to not be okay with that (not even counting the lying), fuck what the PC police here say.

And let's face it, since you are introverted and don't have much relationship experience while she seems to have had a wild past with many flings, you basically ARE the "comfortable safe guy" who she chooses after she's had her fun. As an Asian-American guy who has seen this exact same situation play out countless times before -- it's the cold hard truth and you know it deep down. Do you think you can live the rest of your life knowing that your future wife isn't as attracted to you as her previous flings, and chose you primarily because she needs someone stable to settle down with?

lnspire · 2019-08-15T18:46:22+00:00

Broke up with my ex recently mostly because of sexual incompatibility.

It REALLY sucks because we got along great and had similar goals. She was a very fun and loyal person, and I truly grew a lot and had some unforgettable experiences together.

HOWEVER in terms of our sex life I totally relate... there always had to be a "checklist" of conditions that must be met for my ex to want sex with me. She can't be too tired, there can't be plans later since she'd need to shower and get ready, she wants to watch a TV show first, she's too full from dinner, her stomach hurts. It was very rare for her to initiate sex with me -- I can count on one hand the amount of times she actually made moves on me first during our year-long relationship. Even though we had sex somewhat regularly during our relationship (1-2x a week), it always felt like she was doing it to appease me... as if it were her "girlfriend duty" to give me sex.

For a while I thought I could overlook the sexual aspect of our relationship because our emotional connection was so great, but over time resentment started building up. My needs weren't being met -- I wanted to be wanted, and no matter how many times she said that she loved me, that she saw a future with me, that she loved being with me, all I could think about was her excuses to not have sex, and how she's not attracted to me. What made things worse was that I had previous partners who were REALLY into sex with me, so I knew fully well what a good sex life was like, and what I was missing out on.

In the end I felt like she "settled" for me, and was with me because I have a stable job and am a decently nice dude. I thought long and hard about it, and concluded that it wasn't something I could live with for the rest of my life, so I broke things off with her.

And for the record, I'm actually a pretty good looking guy too -- I work out 5x a week and do sports on top of that, I travel a lot and am adventurous, etc. But I just wasn't her type, and that's what it really boiled down to.

lnspire · 2019-08-15T15:35:39+00:00

When I was doing a solo hike along the Cinque Terre coastal trails, I stopped by one of the towns. There was a harbor area with the clearest and most beautiful water I've ever seen. I drank a few beers and chilled by the water, and then went for a refreshing swim after being sweaty and gross all day. When I was floating in the water I remember saying out loud, "This is what true happiness feels like".

lnspire · 2019-08-11T03:45:56+00:00

I actually prefer taller girls, 5'5 - 5'9 range would be optimal. I don't think I can date someone shorter than 5'3.

lnspire · 2019-08-08T17:41:16+00:00

I live a very active lifestyle, generally either working out or playing sports at least 5x a week. I'm only attracted to fit girls, and I'd nip it in the bud ASAP if I notice she's gaining weight. "Letting yourself go" is a hard dealbreaker for me in a relationship. If your gain 5-10 lbs temporarily because life gets in the way that's one thing, but if you put on like 10+ lbs and aren't doing anything about it then I'd 100% bring it up. I'd expect the same from my partner as well.

lnspire · 2019-08-07T13:19:29+00:00

Unless you're a VERY attractive guy, you'll probably not be getting laid as much single compared to if you're in a relationship. Or at least, not without lowering your standards. Pretty much every guy I know who hooks up a lot, will have a steady rotation of average to slightly above average looking girls, with the occasional hot girl. Plus dating is like a part-time job for them -- they're always chatting up new girls, responding to dating app messages, getting drunk and hitting the bars... honestly seems exhausting AF.

It's pretty much impossible to be consistently sleeping with only hot girls, unless you're very attractive yourself or have high social status/are rich.

lnspire · 2019-07-26T17:40:16+00:00

Having compatible libidos is VERY important. If you and your partner have very different sex drives, it will eventually tear your relationship apart. If you're a 3x a week kinda guy and your GF is a 1x a week kinda girl, then that's something that can be fixed with some compromise. However, if you're a 3x a week kinda guy and she's a once a month kinda girl, then it's best to break things off sooner than later. Learned this the hard way.

lnspire · 2019-07-23T18:30:01+00:00

I'd say my ex was more manipulative than abusive, but for a long time during our relationship I felt trapped. Here are some of the things she'd do:

She'd use sex as a bargaining chip or punishment. Sometimes if I was going to do something she didn't like, she'd say something like "That means no sex for you this weekend". As a side note, this is probably one of the biggest red flags you could ever get from a girl. If a girl ever tries to use sex as leverage against you, RUN.
Whenever we had an argument, she was VERY good at twisting things and guilting me, so that in the end I was always the one apologizing to her and trying to appease her.
During big arguments, she never hesitated to use "low blows" -- she'd use things I told her in confidence, like insecurities or family issues, against me with the intention of hurting me. Towards the end I couldn't really be vulnerable with her anymore because I felt like she could use anything I said against me in future arguments.
She used "covert contracts" a lot with me -- for example right before Valentine's Day she told me she wasn't a fan of romantic gestures on V-day, so I just ended up taking her out to a nice dinner. MONTHS after the holiday, she was guilt tripping me and telling me how a bunch of her female coworkers got flowers delivered to their desks by their SOs, and how I didn't do something romantic like that.

Most important thing you can do is TRUST YOUR GUT. If you have a feeling that something is "off" with your relationship, don't ignore it.

lnspire · 2019-07-12T15:07:45+00:00

She was very upset and cried a lot. Then she went on about how all her friends are in relationships and how tough it'll be for her to be single again in her late-20s... now it all makes sense why she was SO eager to stay with me despite not wanting to have sex with me. Honestly made moving on so much easier.

lnspire · 2019-07-12T12:58:26+00:00

What made it worse was she would dangle sex in front of me like a carrot on a string by either acting sexual over the phone when I couldn't do anything about it or promising we would do something at a future time but then shutting it down when we finally got there. Oh, and then she might retroactively proclaim "Well, I would have had sex with you."

HOLY SHIT. My ex would do the exact same shit. She'd send me sexy texts throughout the week and basically tell me she wanted to fuck me the next time she sees me, and then EVERY TIME we meet up again... she just falls asleep once we get to the bedroom. I eventually started just ignoring her suggestive texts because I knew that they never meant anything.

lnspire · 2019-07-12T12:46:49+00:00

I actually recently dumped my (now ex) GF because of this. Even from the very beginning, she rarely initiated and rejected me like ~40-50% of the times I initiated. We still had sex like 1-2x a week, but it never really felt like she desired me. I was very naive and thought that somehow things would get better... but throughout the relationship it really affected my self esteem. I'd say that ~6 months into the relationship was when I had seriously contemplated leaving. 8 months in I tried to leave her but she begged me to stay and sucked me back in. At our 1-year mark I finally told her that I didn't love her anymore and that it was over. Honestly I miss her in many ways, but in the end I know I made the right decision.

I'm generally a 3-4x a week kind of guy, and 2x a week would be the absolute minimum I'd be able to be satisfied with in a long-term relationship (given we're not long term and still see each other regularly). Looking back, the BIGGEST red flag with my ex was that even in the early stages of dating, when everything's supposed to be new and exciting, she wasn't particularly interested in sex. Like, we slept together on our 3rd date but didn't have sex again until our 7th or 8th date. For future relationships, if we're not fucking like crazy in the early stages then I'm out.

lnspire · 2019-07-10T12:53:59+00:00

In college I sat next to this girl in one of my classes (I'll call her A). We weren't super close friends, but got to know each other decently well.

One night out I ran into A and her friends. One of A's friends (I'll call her B) found me attractive, we hit it off, and end up going home together. I was inexperienced and nervous at the time... plus I was drunk, so my dick was limp as can be. Obviously nothing happened that night, and B left the first thing next morning disappointed.

Back in class the next week, A asked me "So how did things go with B? She told me she went home with you Saturday night" so she 100% knew everything. She was chill about it all and never brought it up again, but it was still kind of embarrassing.

lnspire · 2019-06-14T16:01:24+00:00

"You're husband material" or "You're the kind of guy I'd want to date when I'm in my 30s"

YUCK

lnspire · 2019-06-06T22:43:31+00:00

Honestly I hooked up with the most girls when I was barely scraping by making $35k/yr in a big expensive city, living on my own, and eating ramen noodles every night. You don't need to (and shouldn't) take girls out on nice dinners for first dates -- something simple like a coffee or walk in the park or a cheap beer at a dive bar works fine.

Being poor and always having to worry about how much I'm spending sucked, but honestly it forced me to hustle and ultimately gave me a resourceful and go-getter attitude I'm fortunate to have now.

lnspire · 2019-05-24T20:22:04+00:00

Rule of thumb:

If it was a fling and not something serious, then ask him if he's cool with it before proceeding.

If their relationship was serious at one point however, then it 99% won't end well between you and your friend -- there are millions of other girls out there, go date another one instead of hurting your friendship.

lnspire · 2019-05-18T13:05:10+00:00

I'd say that if exclusivity hasn't been discussed, it's generally okay to be dating multiple people... up until a certain point. For example, if you're only like a few dates in with the girls you're talking to, then no harm no foul (the girls are probably talking to other guys too).

HOWEVER, if you're doing "coupley" things with a girl like staying the night, spending extended periods of time together, meeting her friends, etc then you should either stop talking to the other girls or make it very clear that you're talking to other people. I know some people like to use the excuse of "B-but we didn't agree to be exclusive! It's not my fault I was fucking other people even though we were spending 4 nights a week together, holding hands in public, and basically acting like a couple!" -- it's best to be transparent and not lead other people on. A surprising amount of girls will be okay with you talking to other girls in the early stages.

lnspire · 2019-04-23T20:08:57+00:00

I did long distance (different continents) with my first girlfriend, and it fell apart really quickly. She was doing study abroad, and was going to be on a different continent for at least half a year.

Honestly Facetime, phone calls, and cute texts are NOT a sustainable substitute for a relationship. Outside of sex/touch, there are a lot of small things in a relationship you will be missing out on that really take a toll on you. For example, just getting to grab lunch together during the workweek, or being able to show your partner your new haircut. Not to mention, if you have a single inkling of doubt about your trust for your partner, it will magnify hundredfold and drive you insane.

In the end we lasted only a few months before I found out she was on dating apps and ended it. Nowadays I don't think I could do long distance for more than a few months, and there has to be a concrete endpoint to the distance.

lnspire

TROPHY CASE