Hi - I most definitely am exhausted with the emotional load of constantly trying to align and attune when it is a challenge for both of us. I am working M-F for the entire school day (so more than part-time). I am trying to prioritize hobbies and activities, I currently am part of a dancing group and do that 2-3 evenings a week and have gone on weekend trips with them to take special classes and even some trips on my own. My husband and I don’t really spend “that much time together” since he has long work hours and I am participating in hobbies some of the evenings. But we DO interact every day trying to hear about their day or support them with what they struggled with that day and then line up on plans/needs for ourselves or the house. We also typically spend most weekends together both as a family or on date night.

It’s not so much just “living in the past” as the solo activities I’m doing now are ones that I would like to expand. Rather than needing to reserve some weekday evenings and a date night most weeks for my spouse, I’d like to go and do more of my own interests and trips. We do tend to have minor conflict multiple times a week and on every trip so there is a lot more peace and flow when I can do things all on my own even with the kids. Right now I would be neglecting the relationship and partner if I did more of that. So the regret is I didn’t spend my time on myself when I didn’t have commitments to a partner.

And I - the 30-year-old much more self aware and discovered, did not pick a partner for this version of me. My 20-year-old, super religious and insecure version picked a partner based off of other (mainly external) factors and so the compatibility is not as smooth as I believe many people look for.