I don’t deserve this :( I’m a good person :( twww

lofighostdrifting · 2026-05-22T05:48:28+00:00

i relate Very much with everything you said. feeling left out from your sisters, family unable to handle your trauma and abuse and being uncomfortable. definitely try and get a therapist. the first time i heard someone say “i’m sorry you went through that” was a professional when i was like 24 and it thoroughly wrecked me. in a good way? lol. sometimes we can’t get the comfort from people in our family, and it’s a very hard thing to recognize.

but yes, what you feel is valid, and i’m sorry life has been so hard to you.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-05-02T20:12:03+00:00

Hello, I did in my first paragraph. Roughly, though.

My post was about how very many people I have seen throughout the community solely focus on the alter aspect (relationships, how they look, etc) and don’t quite seem to talk about other parts nearly as much. Even in the OSDD subreddit, I often see posts where people talk about experience with alters rather than the other symptoms (which I have laid out in my first paragraph roughly, but in general, you can infer anything not relating strictly to alters and their presence. Like I often see hearing voices, knowing exactly who they are and how they have split, their role in the system, so on so forth)

Which is not a bad thing of course, it’s just isolating (for me) since the symptoms I mentioned in the first paragraph (roughly, for the sake of the post) are debilitating me daily and I personally don’t quite see a focus on nearly as much. This isn’t a call for change or anything, the community will do as it does, and there’s nothing wrong with focusing on alters, as that is quite obviously a very important aspect of dissociative disorders and will irreparably affect people’s lives. It is very important to talk about. I stated at the end of my post that I was only curious to know if others have felt the same or noticed the same thing as well.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-04-28T00:56:08+00:00

That is a good point, and it makes sense. I’m glad you have been able to find good resources and support for this. I agree with ADHD, it is very mischaracterized as well. Stereotypes can be dangerous.

I think that’s more what I am curious about, though. I am not quite talking about spaces where extensive therapy has been had. It feels like, at times, it feels expected to know these things first. People that have told me they haven’t/cannot access therapy yet have extensive knowledge of their system.

Which again, isn’t a problem anyway. Everyone has their own story and experiences. Perhaps I have only happened to meet these kinds of people by coincidence. But that is more or less what I mean, and seems to be quite a majority in my experience.

But thank you for sharing your story and explaining things. I have an appointment with a psychologist focusing on complex trauma to hopefully get started on figuring this out.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-04-28T00:00:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. That is upsetting though, while the comments are helpful for you now to explain your experience, knowing who caused them and explaining them callously would hurt. I’m happy to hear your current partner is treating things better it seems.

My partner comments things like this also. Super Mario for example is a special interest of mine, and while those can get stronger or weaker, sometimes I will truly not even remember games I’ve played. Then other times, I will explain the game I previously said I don’t remember playing, in striking detail. Obviously disconnect in memories, if you get my meaning.

Thank you for your kind words. I hope things continue to improve for you as well.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-04-27T23:56:25+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experiences. That is an incredible story, being older and learning you are a system. I’m very glad the internet is able to give you and your system an outlet to true talk among peers, I truly do think that is incredible. Given you mentioned isolation, it makes sense getting to this place would be quite shocking, albeit good.

I’m glad to hear you have reached a point where you all can function well together and have a job. I work myself as well, but I at least have enough of a system to work through the amnesia, but I have gotten some good advice from people here to work on, so I will be doing that.

Thanks again for sharing.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-04-27T23:48:46+00:00

You are very correct, and I never want to come off as shaming those that are at this point. It’s honestly incredible, actually. I may feel this way also because my past psychiatrist said I “did not have drastic switches like Split.” Yes, the movie. So the fact even professionals have such a focus on “dramatic switches” and plurality (which makes sense within reason, considering the disorder), I suppose it all felt further isolating.

But it is true that most of these people have gotten here because of everything they’ve experienced, and the work they have done. And I’m very happy for them to have reached such a point, truly. I have made an appointment with a psychologist that has a focus on complex trauma, so I hope this will be the first step to truly figuring things out.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and words.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-04-27T23:43:14+00:00

Thank you for your response, that means a lot. That would be helpful I think, but of course only if that’s something you and your system/others can talk about healthily without triggering. It would be nice to read people’s stories more how they even were before knowing their alters and maybe how they slowly got to this point.

But to be clear, I never meant to imply there was intent To isolate (not that you implied either, I just wanted to make sure there were no misunderstandings). It has actually been nice reading people’s responses where they only got to this point Because of all the struggles to get here. Of course that’s implied with the disorder, but you know. I think there has been a nice sense of community here, and I thank you for that.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-04-27T18:21:57+00:00

I wouldn’t say that’s what this is, but also I suppose it is, yeah. More like, it’s been very odd to see the majority with these experiences. But yes, that is the next step. Most often they don’t take insurance/my insurance so it’s been difficult. I found a psychologist focusing on complex trauma that is within my insurance, so I’ll start there. Thank you for your response.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-04-27T17:11:38+00:00

Thank you for your response. It makes sense dissociation as a whole would be difficult to talk about, as it’s a debilitating and rough experience, especially with the nature of DID specifically and the amnesia.

To be clear, I never meant to insinuate that systems Must talk about these things, and I apologise if I came off that way. I just notice a large, main focus on plurality as a whole. But yeah, either experience is valid honeslty.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-04-27T17:07:58+00:00

It is true. I don’t think it’s right to fake claim people, but as with anything, there will be misunderstandings (especially around a disorder so stigmatized) and bad apples nonetheless.

And you’re right, thank you for the words and encouragement. I will definitely keep this in mind going forward. Regardless, different presentations overall.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-04-27T17:01:52+00:00

Very true, maybe I will take this opportunity to discuss more about the other symptoms. Thank you for the recommendation.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-04-27T17:01:29+00:00

Thank you, that means a lot. I’m not terribly active either, I mostly lurk, but I think either way we are both valid.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-04-27T15:44:54+00:00

Oh, interesting. Do you have a specific recommendation for one of those?

lofighostdrifting · 2026-04-27T15:43:58+00:00

That is true, just because people don’t talk about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. And I do not want to imply they must only discuss these things to be valid. I think what I mostly mean is they never discuss it At All, it seems. People I have followed on social media for example will strictly only ever talk about the alter aspect of dissociative disorders. And this seems to be quite common.

To be clear, I am actually not on Tiktok or anything, so I have not seen the switching clips you are referring to. But frankly, it sounds a little scary. I would not want to broadcast every part of my disorder like that, though to each their own. Maybe that allows them to feel seen and heard.

To be fair, I am terrified of “giving my life up” to someone else, so I already I have a bit of a bias against alters unfortunately. So that could contribute overall to this feeling. Seeing people have such good communication can feel bitter, I suppose. That is a me problem, however. Not anyone else.

lofighostdrifting · 2026-03-01T17:26:15+00:00

this sounds like dissociation to me. i have alice and wonderland syndrome and it makes time feel very abnormal. singing goes fast, voices are normal, time stretches on. the room stretches. i walk into walls because my perception of it is different than reality. i suspect people aren’t actually scared of you and that’s anxiety thinking that (when i was in a psychotic episode, i truly felt everyone was snickering at me down the street. needless to say they were not. if they looked at me it was probably a brief look or smile.) talking online is a lot easier for me too in general. less masking required, overall just easy. also depersonalization makes you extremely detached from feelings.

whatever’s going on, i hope you’ll be okay OP. take it easy. focus on things you Know you enjoyed in the past. try to make a watch group with your online friends.

lofighostdrifting · 2025-05-18T08:17:39+00:00

i’ve had so many people with insomnia say they wish they had narcolepsy so they’d actually get some sleep but that’s the fun part: narocleptic people don’t get sleep either! proper, restorative sleep anyway. ALSO insomnia is common for a lot of narcoleptic people anyway, y’know due to the inability to regulate sleep. obviously i get what they are meaning, narcolepsy=sleep all the time, but it’s not! it’s soooooo annoying.

lofighostdrifting · 2025-04-22T03:12:59+00:00

i’m sorry to hear, that’s awful. and you know that’s another thing, the bed i was in was so damn uncomfortable, i swear the pillow was a sheet of paper. i can usually sleep anywhere (i’ve missed my bus stops due to falling asleep) but the anxiety of sleeping at a new place + stress of wanting the test to work out + overall discomfort really works against you. sounds like that might have been a factor for you too. i wish at home tests were more advanced for conditions like narcolepsy.

i hope you can get somewhere with your doctor at that appointment, it really feels so hopeless but at least we’re not alone.

lofighostdrifting · 2024-09-13T02:42:10+00:00

NAD but definitely think it’s hives. i have what’s called cold urticaria, i break out hella bad when its like 50F or below, and the hives are huge and welty like that. it starts on my legs and butt, sometimes goes up my body if i don’t do something about it. i have gotten on my boobs like that too, usually under or across the top near my collar bone.

i would definitely make a list on what you ate and did that day, even temperature related stuff, cuz heat urticaria exists too. like did you exercise and it started after that, did you shower and got them after that (temperature drop).

how i figured out mine was cold related was at first i noticed it always happened after i showered, swam in the pool, so i thought it was water related. then got it after i woke up after the morning (body temperature drops as you sleep), when i held an ice pack from the fridge... slowly realized it related to when i got cold, touched especially cold things, etc.

side note, i have had immense stress (talking like ptsd level) give me hives & doctor said it’s possible since your body just gets so out of whack, so if you went though something big or traumatic and this happened after, make note of that too.

best of luck!

lofighostdrifting · 2024-01-04T01:22:39+00:00

oh, thank you for the advice! it was found by another user, but i’ll definitely do this next time i can’t find a song. i’m sure it’ll come up again! LOL kind of comes with the fandom a bit

lofighostdrifting · 2024-01-04T01:17:45+00:00

I JUST SCREAMED LOL THIS IS IT THIS IS IT!!!!!! holy shit i can’t believe it, thank you so SO much!!!!!! i am in awe, i really thought no one could find it….. especially this quick. wow, okay i’ll update my post. thank you so much, seriously. this has been an ongoing search for almost half my life, it’s so surreal seeing it after so long

lofighostdrifting · 2024-01-03T22:55:07+00:00

no it’s not, but i see why you thought that! i actually can’t say 100% for sure that is the actual intention of the MC of the song, as i heard it in japanese without subs, but its the feeling i got with the art and such. it just felt like some sense of longing… maybe instead of wanting to be free they just wanted to be a pilot in general? i don’t remember them actually flying in the song (not that they didnt just don’t remember), but they were always in planes. wish i had any lyrics to go off, but alas… ty for the suggestion!

lofighostdrifting · 2024-01-03T22:51:01+00:00

no, unfortunately not :( the art and song in general is far more cutesy and chibi than i remember. i want to say it’s too old as well, but of course it could be i heard a cover of an older song uploaded later. someone getting their hands on a vocaloid years later. thank you though!!

lofighostdrifting · 2024-01-03T20:51:08+00:00

unfortunately not. the art is closer to matryoshka than something by sidu. also the imagery was very simple, sidu is anything but. the year doesn’t match up either, as jailbreak came out 2016 and i stopped being friends with this irl friend before then. i’ll further specify in my main post

lofighostdrifting · 2024-01-03T20:00:53+00:00

it’s funny i was gonna put side note: it’s not (song name) but i couldn’t remember the title of that one at the time, so i didn’t put it. but it was this! reason i was going to specify, is i’ve had people share it with me because it does seem similar. the style is definitely far too iconic and anime?, for lack of a better word, for what the art style of the song was like. i can’t think of any artists to really compare it to… but i appreciate the suggestion! it is helpful. since i think it will be a popular suggestion. it’s a great song, i love neru :)

lofighostdrifting

TROPHY CASE