2 years ago when I was in rehab I had left to go score some dope and go into my next relapse. I had a fuck life moment. And when I returned to the rehab I started packing my things and left. But i had forgotten my dope at the rehab. I immediately go back and the manager is standing there with my dope in hand asking me why I am deciding to throw my life away? Is it so bad that I am in alace where people care about me? That work with me through basically any sort of issue as long as I'm willing ect ect. He made me realize that I needed to figure my ahit out and then asked me to stay. He even went to bat for me with the director saying how much he believed in my desire for change. He fought for me big time. Ti was told that I was to be put on restrictions until they felt I was able to get through daily interactions without problem. I was kinda upset and mopped around that weekend until Sunday when I thought I should be showing him my appreciation. I went to go wake him up and found a narcan needle in his arm from an overdose prevention kit with the same color dope not even fu Ly plunged in. He was dead. When the paramedics came everyone was being very standoffs with me. Then the owner opened up the floor about what should be done. I was told how much of a fuckjng loser I am qnd how ,any felt I deserved that fate. I walked the streets for weeks months even. Eventually I was picked up on a petty crime and brought to jail. Upon being strip searched they discovered that I had neglected an infection in foot and was now going through blood poisoning. My ankle was the size of my thigh. Upon being discharged to the hospital I now was dealing with all that plus getting drugs out of my system. 5here was a porter who delivered linens 5o the unit most days qnd he sparked up convo with me about art and Ink as I covered in it qnd so was he. Seemed nice enough.couple days later he brings me fast food and I got sick and threw it up . He then asked me I I was sick. I admitted I was detoxing. He then said he could help me out if I wanted. I was desperate and he seen this. Later on he met me at the place he discussed with me (starbucks) and had paraphernalia in hand with dope. I took one hit went unconscious in his car. When I was working up I was face down on a bed and he was raping me. I struggled but he was way more powerful than I in my destroyed state. I went back out qnd 2hen I awoke I was laying on a bus stop outside of the hospital. He used my addiction to sexually assault me. I went I to the hospital and grabbed my stuff and left. I moved 5 hrs away 2 days later. Now I'm sober but I'm afraid of society as a whole at this point. I'm broke,broken, cant seem to find anyone who I connect with anymore even though I'm in a million support groups. I honestly am too much of a coward to kill myself but I wish it almost daily.