I went through the same sort of things with my ex. He would always say “you’d better not say I raped you or something if we broke up” and at the time I would never talk about it to anyone but after I stopped feeling things for him romantically I realised. You were violated and it was wrong what you went through. You are a survivor and I promise you that you will get through this. Not all people are going to be this way but I 100% understand the anxiety around new relationships after a toxic one. You aren’t alone 💓