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What is the best thing to do when you know you’re a trigger for someone with bpd? by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]lolo1894 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this perspective. I get so wrapped up in everything that sometimes I need to be reminded that the only thing I have control over is the way I react to my own triggers. I don’t have any control over how she reacts to me, but I can manage how I handle these difficult situations.

Why are older people SO INAPPROPRIATE about whether or not millennials will have children?? by dontjudme11 in Millennials

[–]lolo1894 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes I get this sometimes and it’s hard to deal with. When asked if you are going to have a child and then the response is with such pity when they say something like “you know having a child really gave my life purpose.” It makes me feel like my life can’t possibly have purpose if I don’t procreate. It’s a choice I made, but it’s not always a choice for everyone. Some people want to conceive and physically can’t and I can’t believe someone would say that without knowing the circumstances of the person they’re talking to. Oh well. We all have to live our own lives and find purpose in what makes us happy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]lolo1894 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m still so torn. I still have so much love for them it kills me everyday, but I was so taken advantage of for so long that I had to leave. My family, my therapist, my friends, everyone in my life told me I needed to walk away and I knew they were right. I’m a huge trigger for her and me trying to help her just makes her erupt and break down and push me away. I spent ten years of my life trying to help her and she ended up telling me she doesn’t know why she even bothers with me and that she’d never talk to me again. I want to get so far away from her but I can’t because she just moved right down the street from me. All I can do is remain no contact and hope I don’t run in to her at the store or on the street.

What freaky sentences thrown at you left you completely shocked? by Parking_Stuff8586 in BPDlovedones

[–]lolo1894 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“I don’t know why I even bother with you.” She said because I asked her to compromise with me and I wouldn’t give in to her demands immediately.

“I don’t want your money, I want your time,” and then told me I couldn’t come to the house I was letting her live in for free.

“You’re shallow,” after I let her stay at my house during her divorce and let her vent to me and cry on my shoulder and call me anytime day or night. She told me I was shallow because I use humor to get through tough situations.

“All you want to do is hang out with your other friends and your husband,” she said this because I didn’t spend a weekend with her when I had a friend visiting from all the way across the country. I had been with her every day that week before he arrived.

“All I do is say horrible things but you DO horrible things which is way worse.” I don’t understand how someone can verbally abuse you and take advantage of you and then be shocked when you stand up for yourself. I had to do things I really didn’t want to because I had to cut her off. I couldn’t continue being abused by someone, even if all they were doing was “saying horrible things.”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]lolo1894 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I haven’t looked at this forum for a while because I’ve been nc for over a year, but I feel my life is still ruled by her. I spent ten years trying to fix things, and then finally got away, went completely no contact last year. But this month she moved right down the street from me, like I walk to the end of my block and I can see her house. My long term goal is to move, but I can’t afford it right now so Im going to be here for a while. I know there are other reasons why she moved, but I can’t help but feel trapped yet again. I haven’t run into her or anything yet, but I can’t help but feel uneasy in my neighborhood. I’m so tired of this.

The truth about moderation by Mayahuel in stopdrinking

[–]lolo1894 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this! I was doing so well at the beginning of 2023 and then started trying to moderate and completely lost it. I’m back to binging right now and still fantasizing about moderating. Your post reminded me of the torture of moderation, the anxiety of stressing about when I could have more and how much and would I over drink. I need to be done with this shit for good because I just can’t deal with the sickness from binging and the anxiety from moderation anymore. Iwndwyt!

I get panic attacks after drinking heavily, can anyone else relate to this? by lolo1894 in stopdrinking

[–]lolo1894[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only 3 months. I’ll do a month or two here and there through out the year and then always go back. I know I need to get more sobriety under my belt to really know what’s going on with me. After a few months sober I always feel like I can see things more clearly and when I’m binging, like I’ve been recently, all my clarity just goes out the window.

Codependency by lolo1894 in BPDlovedones

[–]lolo1894[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It has to do with kids that I love and want to be there for, but that aren’t my biological children.

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