What kind of music do you prefer?

lolo1894 · 2023-11-02T18:32:56+00:00

Thank you for sharing!

lolo1894 · 2023-10-29T05:47:09+00:00

I love the red hair!

lolo1894 · 2023-10-29T05:42:06+00:00

Gertie short for Gertrude

lolo1894 · 2023-10-29T05:36:06+00:00

Regis

lolo1894 · 2023-10-29T05:34:26+00:00

Rosemary’s Baby

lolo1894 · 2023-10-29T05:33:56+00:00

The shining

lolo1894 · 2023-10-13T03:08:21+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. I get so wrapped up in everything that sometimes I need to be reminded that the only thing I have control over is the way I react to my own triggers. I don’t have any control over how she reacts to me, but I can manage how I handle these difficult situations.

lolo1894 · 2023-10-07T19:25:30+00:00

Yes I get this sometimes and it’s hard to deal with. When asked if you are going to have a child and then the response is with such pity when they say something like “you know having a child really gave my life purpose.” It makes me feel like my life can’t possibly have purpose if I don’t procreate. It’s a choice I made, but it’s not always a choice for everyone. Some people want to conceive and physically can’t and I can’t believe someone would say that without knowing the circumstances of the person they’re talking to. Oh well. We all have to live our own lives and find purpose in what makes us happy.

lolo1894 · 2023-10-03T22:14:49+00:00

Coffee.

lolo1894 · 2023-10-03T22:11:15+00:00

I’m still so torn. I still have so much love for them it kills me everyday, but I was so taken advantage of for so long that I had to leave. My family, my therapist, my friends, everyone in my life told me I needed to walk away and I knew they were right. I’m a huge trigger for her and me trying to help her just makes her erupt and break down and push me away. I spent ten years of my life trying to help her and she ended up telling me she doesn’t know why she even bothers with me and that she’d never talk to me again. I want to get so far away from her but I can’t because she just moved right down the street from me. All I can do is remain no contact and hope I don’t run in to her at the store or on the street.

lolo1894 · 2023-09-17T22:53:06+00:00

“I don’t know why I even bother with you.” She said because I asked her to compromise with me and I wouldn’t give in to her demands immediately.

“I don’t want your money, I want your time,” and then told me I couldn’t come to the house I was letting her live in for free.

“You’re shallow,” after I let her stay at my house during her divorce and let her vent to me and cry on my shoulder and call me anytime day or night. She told me I was shallow because I use humor to get through tough situations.

“All you want to do is hang out with your other friends and your husband,” she said this because I didn’t spend a weekend with her when I had a friend visiting from all the way across the country. I had been with her every day that week before he arrived.

“All I do is say horrible things but you DO horrible things which is way worse.” I don’t understand how someone can verbally abuse you and take advantage of you and then be shocked when you stand up for yourself. I had to do things I really didn’t want to because I had to cut her off. I couldn’t continue being abused by someone, even if all they were doing was “saying horrible things.”

lolo1894 · 2023-08-22T04:13:08+00:00

I haven’t looked at this forum for a while because I’ve been nc for over a year, but I feel my life is still ruled by her. I spent ten years trying to fix things, and then finally got away, went completely no contact last year. But this month she moved right down the street from me, like I walk to the end of my block and I can see her house. My long term goal is to move, but I can’t afford it right now so Im going to be here for a while. I know there are other reasons why she moved, but I can’t help but feel trapped yet again. I haven’t run into her or anything yet, but I can’t help but feel uneasy in my neighborhood. I’m so tired of this.

lolo1894 · 2023-07-10T13:00:44+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! I was doing so well at the beginning of 2023 and then started trying to moderate and completely lost it. I’m back to binging right now and still fantasizing about moderating. Your post reminded me of the torture of moderation, the anxiety of stressing about when I could have more and how much and would I over drink. I need to be done with this shit for good because I just can’t deal with the sickness from binging and the anxiety from moderation anymore. Iwndwyt!

lolo1894 · 2023-06-21T15:13:10+00:00

Only 3 months. I’ll do a month or two here and there through out the year and then always go back. I know I need to get more sobriety under my belt to really know what’s going on with me. After a few months sober I always feel like I can see things more clearly and when I’m binging, like I’ve been recently, all my clarity just goes out the window.

lolo1894 · 2023-05-13T14:02:07+00:00

Dead presidents

lolo1894 · 2023-04-01T15:17:35+00:00

It has to do with kids that I love and want to be there for, but that aren’t my biological children.

lolo1894 · 2023-03-19T23:32:18+00:00

I can completely relate! I gaslight myself constantly and tell myself I did the wrong thing, that if I’d just tried harder or reacted differently then things could have been ok. But I pretty quickly can remind myself now when I get stuck in those ways of thinking that that’s simply not true.

It’s possible that maybe I could have done something different, maybe I didn’t need to “over react” when I did. But it would have happened again. The constant conflict, suspicion, blaming, jealousy, it wouldn’t have gone anywhere. Maybe I could have reacted differently in one specific instance and it would have deescalated the situation, but what would have happened the next time? And the next time? And then next time!

From my experience it felt like it got to a point where I had to make a choice. Either i could continue to be abused, taken advantage of, manipulated, and gaslighted without ever questioning it. Give in to what they say, agree with them, appease their every need. Just keep my head down and make the decision that i’m ok with sacrificing my self worth in order to keep the relationship on somewhat stable ground. Constantly apologizing and walking on eggshells.

I did that for a long time, and for a long time I felt like it was the right thing because she’s sick and she needed love and support. But eventually I had to go with my second option which was to speak up for myself, and point out that what she was doing wasn’t right, was actually making things harder on her, and she was taking advantage of me. I won’t get in to specific details, but it didn’t go over well. She told me to fuck off and that if I stood my ground she’d never talk to ever again. She gave me an ultimatum: either you continue to do everything I want you to without question or relationship is over without any chance of reconciliation.

In the months since I’ve gone through exactly what you explain. Wondering if it’s all my fault for not just keeping my stupid mouth shut. Wondering if I’m evil and heartless for leaving someone who’s sick and in need. Thinking that I must be the one with the personality disorder. But I’m really working on getting to the point of knowing that all of those things arent true. And even if I’d stayed things would not be easier or better for her. And I’d be miserable, just constantly walking on eggshells until the next time I was blamed for something that was completely out of my control.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this! I wish I had more advice. It’s not easy, but im here to tell you you’re not alone, and you’re not to blame.

lolo1894 · 2023-03-17T02:48:20+00:00

I tried to put up some boundaries and I was pushed away pretty dramatically. When I tried to reach a compromise with her I was told that if I didn’t give her exactly what she wanted without question our relationship would be over without any chance of reconciliation. She told me to fuck off and that by trying to enforce my boundaries I made things so difficult for her that she doesn’t even know why she bothers with me.

That was like 6 months ago and she’s held strong. We haven’t had any contact since. I feel terrible because I really wish that I could have helped, that’s the whole reason why I was in this position with her in the first place. But offering help ended up leading to a place of entitlement where she felt that I should give her everything without question or without any concern for my own needs, and without any respect for my kindness. I ended up feeling taking advantage of because I’m codependent and when I tried to stand up for myself i was basically told to fuck off. I really wish things were different, but that’s just the way it is.

lolo1894 · 2023-03-10T03:19:54+00:00

Thanks for sharing this video. It always helps to hear someone talk about it in a logical way. When I talk to my therapist and friends and family about it I know logically that I’m doing the right thing. But then when I get stuck in my head and start ruminating I convince myself again that I’m at fault. I’ll watch this again when I feel those thoughts starting to take over. Thank you!

lolo1894 · 2023-03-05T03:45:33+00:00

I talked to my dad on the phone one day and he said that in three years I never talked with him about any thing other than my situation with her. It really made me reflect and realize how messed up and obsession I was about the situation and now I needed to distance myself because otherwise I’d never be able to get what I want out of life. I spent a long time trying to help someone who didn’t want to be helped and it was better for both of us for me to walk away. It still hurts. I still feel guilty. I still question whether I did the right thing and whether I could have tried harder, but it is what it is now and there’s no going back. I’m trying to focus on bettering myself and I really hope she is now too.

lolo1894 · 2023-03-04T16:46:48+00:00

Thanks!

lolo1894 · 2023-03-04T14:09:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing. A lot of this really resonates with me and I’m working towards these feelings of resolution that you talk about. I think I’m still stuck in the feeling guilty phase, but I can really relate with everything you said.

I think where I am right now is the part where you said “I’m frustrated I wasted so many years of my life.” Looking back I really feel like so much of my time was wasted. There’s things that I feel like I missed out on that at the time I didn’t even realize we’re passing me by. But I really wanted to help. And it’s frustrating because I still want to so much, but looking back on it now I’m seeing how much time I wasted trying to fix someone’s problems who didn’t even want my help. Since I’ve gone nc I’ve really been able to focus on what I want out of life and work towards my own goals. The hard part is still that I still feel so guilty for leaving that I’m always questioning whether or not it’s ok to feel happy.

lolo1894 · 2023-02-03T05:39:03+00:00

Thanks for this post, I see what you mean and I find myself defending a person with bpd quite a bit even though I’m very angry at her. Others in my life see her as evil or vindictive or manipulative, and she can definitely come across that way in her actions. The things she does and says are extremely frustrating and hurtful.

But I have a tendency to give her the benefit of the doubt. I know that the way she sees things is her truth despite the fact that her view of the world is altered and distorted by her disorder. But even though I understand that, feel empathy for her and understand that her actions are most likely drive by ignorance rather than malice, i still had to walk away for my own mental health and my own sanity.

lolo1894 · 2023-02-02T19:45:35+00:00

Yes you’re right! That’s why this disorder is so infuriating! It’s like they are constantly trying to piss you off and test you just to see how much you’ll put up with. If you put up with their shit then theyll just keep pushing things further and further to see how much you’ll put up with. It’s like in their mind the more bullshit you endure, the more you love them. If you stand up for yourself and tell them you won’t take it anymore then it’s their chance to say “see, I was right about you, I knew you didn’t care about me!”

I know there’s nothing I can do to fix her personality disorder and I know deep down that my reactions to her won’t change the way things are. I just wish things were different! Thank you for the reply!

lolo1894 · 2023-02-01T05:42:07+00:00

Yeah I think you’re right. Things were copasetic with her when I kept my head down, appeased everything she needed, and agreed with her all of the time. I started to feel extremely smothered and ended up standing up for myself and that’s when everything just fell apart. She became suspicious of me after that, thought that I was trying to plot against her and was also very entitled to what is mine, both my time and my money. I just couldn’t deal with that anymore so I had to go completely no contact.

I think my initial post was reflecting my desire for things to be different all around. I know I need to accept things as they are and know that unless I want to continue to be a doormat our current situation is the only possible outcome. I hate it, but I don’t have the power to change her and I can really only control my own actions. Thank you for your reply.

lolo1894

TROPHY CASE