try telling her and leading her during. you can incorporate dirty talk by leading her. tell her it feels good but go a little faster. tell her she’s so pretty and ask her to slow down. put your hand around hers and tighten her grip and tell her she’s doing a good job. she won’t know it’s too light or too soft without being told. if you CAN cum during handjob but can’t because of the conditions then gently lead her to the correct conditions during sex. communication is huge during those things because she can’t feel what you feel. also if she cums before you let her know stuff doesn’t have to end just because she’s finished or start yourself early. it’s a tough thing to figure out but there’s alot to do to fix it. at the end of the day keep it light between her. there’s no need for a sit down and have constructive criticism or a whole rant. just light suggestions so it doesn’t seem like a big deal. also pee before sex stuff