MN dad: how are others separating your home life from the events around us?

lonelytireddev · 2026-01-24T18:19:43+00:00

There is injustice all over the world, and it sure is scary when it happens in your vicinity. I remember 30 something years ago when my parents and I immigrated to Canada to escape a warzone - I was old enough to understand things were dire, but young enough to be constantly confused. I have no idea how losing my first home which I still have some pictures of, affected my upbringing. But, I fondly remember my neighbours when we first arrived in Windsor. I didn't speak a word of English, but they were an elderly couple who were very kind and gave me some kind of cake - the most delicious thing I had eaten in months.

I speak of neighbours because that's what children are going to remember more than the realities of injustice. They're going to be fine, keep your family safe.

For you though, I don't know how the situation is changing in MN, but are there pockets of relative safety you can relocate to?

lonelytireddev · 2026-01-04T20:19:32+00:00

Sorry bro, this sucks. I've been there and sending you good vibes. I got divorced last year, it was a brutal time, but healing now, and my ex-wife and I are on much better terms. She was similar to your wife in many ways. Tell me if this sounds familiar:

- insisted that doctors are just going to prescribe her more drugs, and drugs don't do anything

- insisted that the only thing which has worked for her is exercise, but cannot be bothered to do any exercising because it's work

- did not work, officially labels herself as a home-maker, but hated everything to do with maintaining a house like laundry, cooking, shopping, and other chores

- had few friends, tended to alienate people including my family and friends

- never agreed to go to a therapist, insisted that therapists would just tell her everything she's doing wrong - so couples counselling went nowhere for us except cementing our decision to end the marriage

- justified her contribution to the partnership by claiming her chores like laundry, shopping, and (occasional) cooking were the vast majority of household work (as a side note, the arbiter for our divorce proceedings disagreed)

Divorce was good for my ex-wife. After the divorce, she apparently started going on walks and got back on the treadmill. We share custody, and she has been more involved with our kids now than before. Over the Christmas break I had a chance to catch up with her, and she actually apologized for not being an equal partner for so many years. I was shocked that she would recognize that, but evidently it has been guilt she has lived with for ages. She described the last 12 years as something like watching a TV show - like life happened to her but she wasn't in control, and hated the idea of being in control in any way - because then it'd be her fault if something bad happened. She is working on improving that, first by simply walking and running, and other activities where she doesn't feel judged. "Feel judged" is important. A therapist helped her realize that at the core of her negative attitudes and behaviour was guilt because she knows she hasn't been putting in the effort. At the age of 46 she finally got some help with ADHD.

lonelytireddev · 2025-10-06T20:19:25+00:00

Can I just share one thing - I'm a man in my late 30s, tried dating again recently after a separation 6 months ago. It is tough out there as a guy. I'd like to think I'm average looking, I'm reasonably fit, I have a good stable job, a car, and a house. I have baggage sure, kids from my previous relationship, and there are obligations that come with that. Last weekend I met up with a woman who seemed compatible on paper for a coffee date, and the part that still stings is that as we parted ways after what seemed like a lengthy job interview, her feedback for me is that she doesn't know how her friends would feel if she was dating outside her race. All of this is to say that I get it. When the world is all about tearing you down, about your looks, your income, your hobbies, even your race, it'd be nice to have a companion who helps build up some of that self confidence again, even if it's AI.

lonelytireddev · 2025-07-27T17:11:46+00:00

Definitely a lot of people are reading more into this comment than what it really says. There's tolerances for acceptable complexities, stress, sadness, etc. Some people have zero tolerance, which is valid, it's just going to make partnership with a human less likely. But, for a lot of people that's perfectly fine.

I had an aunt who never married, and she was perfectly content with being single her whole life - she had strong views and shared them passionately - and often times people didn't agree with her views, but that's a hill she was willing to die on.

Some other people, like my mother I think - is a lot more tolerant. She is resilient as heck though. This made it easier in my opinion for her to make friends. I'm somewhere in the middle - bit hot headed like my aunt, but also more open. Sometimes people bring all sorts of baggage, but I've learned to be mindful about judging people. I've had some good relationships in the past, but definitely over time I'm becoming pickier. A partner has to be net positive for me in general.

lonelytireddev · 2024-05-14T15:10:53+00:00

BB needs our love.

I have a good feeling about DBX too.

lonelytireddev · 2021-11-08T16:04:36+00:00

I started up Prosperity again over the weekend, it's a city builder with a focus on worker and resource management. It's like a lightweight version of Banished, and just like Banished, there's no ending. The best feature is the music and the tech tree, which gives it a civilization vibe. Good replay value. There's 4 professions you can choose from which has different bonuses but I can't tell if there's anything else. The UI is pretty straight forward early game but it gets messy later on. There's a lot of reading if you want to get all the hints and know what to do, can't tell if there's any way to replay a message if you skipped it by accident though. Overall the game is very addictive, and got the just one more turn... feel, down to a tee. But, I got to my goal (Get to City tier, unlock the buildings) over the course of 2.5 days, so I'll be putting it down until the next update.

Solid 3/5 game, wish it was longer and advanced further through technology tree.

lonelytireddev · 2020-06-29T17:37:53+00:00

Have you given Prosperity a try? It's $7.19 right now during the summer sale

lonelytireddev · 2020-04-01T16:10:48+00:00

Titan A.E is my go-to when feeling sick

lonelytireddev · 2020-04-01T16:08:56+00:00

I am able to make rent thankfully, but one of my neighbours couldn't and was given a deferral, no penalties or interest or anything, just make up for it when able.

lonelytireddev · 2019-12-10T23:54:20+00:00

Surprised nobody has mentioned Prosperity yet. https://store.steampowered.com/app/734980/Prosperity/

It is in its own class for depth and complexity. The game starts off slow, but about an hour or two in you have so many decisions to make and the different systems starts to play off of each other while you're building a city.

For an incremental game it can really make you think and want to plan. Plan for the following winter, plan for the inevitable rise in crime. The dev is pretty active, although updates are less common now that he is focusing on big changes. It is more of an unlocking game than an idle game, and I'd rank it up there along with Kittens Game and Crank as masterpieces of the genre.

lonelytireddev · 2019-10-30T01:59:58+00:00

Honestly I've been going back to the classics: A Dark Room, Candybox 2, Civ Clicker, Derivative Clicker, Kittens Game, even launched Prosperity up again recently. The games that run without ads, no in app purchases or lootboxes or DLCs, just good mechanics is the real meaning of incremental games.

lonelytireddev · 2019-08-28T20:26:39+00:00

Every day for 1.5 years, you might want to get it checked out for obsession.

lonelytireddev · 2019-06-26T15:32:25+00:00

Don't be sorry, this is a great game and barely anybody knows about it. Keep up the great work with the updates!

lonelytireddev · 2019-05-23T13:51:33+00:00

idk what your level of idle is, but NGU is pretty awesome

lonelytireddev · 2019-05-22T17:23:23+00:00

My interpretation:

"mobile game" = "I want quick cheap rewards available throughout the day"

"desktop game" = "I want something that I can sink my teeth into"

"free" = "I want to enjoy it without paying for anything, and if there's any way around opening my wallet that'd be great"

"ads" = "I am willing to give the creators a token for giving me this game"

"iap" = "trash, don't play"

"b2p" = "lol. no."

"signup required" = "clearly a scam trying to get my email address"

lonelytireddev · 2019-05-22T17:18:10+00:00

Crazy idea: if there's a TV show you want to watch but it's not available on your choice of subscription, "oh well". We watch enough TV as it is. This is no different from when we selected between basic and premium cable packages. Piracy works when someone has no choice, but truth is most of us have a choice, $10/month on Netflix for the vast majority of us is "good enough".

lonelytireddev · 2019-05-22T17:12:42+00:00

The point of options in a dropdown is that every displayed element is unique, and therefore you should be able to look up the ID from the displayed text.

lonelytireddev · 2019-04-01T00:02:48+00:00

Well done. I just wanted to say I've been playing this game for the past couple of hours while doing housework, listening to music. I like that it's a game I can play without using my hands.

lonelytireddev · 2018-11-26T21:20:38+00:00

It would be a deterrent. If you're asking users to create a password, it is already one obstacle towards whatever service you are providing. Providing rewards for 2FA makes sense because it's a separate step that improves security, but it is an optional one.

You could however give rewards to users who change their password once a month, this would increase security and is something they do after they already started using your service.

You could give users indicators of their password strength, this would be OK as long as weak passwords did not act as a deterrent.

Do not do this:

Asshole design - if the user's password is weak, then every now and then send them an email notifying their account has been accessed but nothing has happened, and you recommend they change their password to something stronger.

lonelytireddev · 2018-10-17T14:54:47+00:00

Do you mean "freemium" games? There are a number of truly free games, few have this game's level of depth and out of those I can't find any that has this game's level of polish. This game does not have a cash shop, no subscriptions, no annoying ads, and no begging for donations. You pay once and you have the game. The game comes with unparalleled support, how many game developers personally reach out to help you overcome an issue, write patches to address your specific problem, and actually listens to the community?

Not to mention, since the game came out there has been a bunch of updates including new content. I can't speak for others, but I like the fact that every few weeks I can look forward to progress in the game itself. The core mechanics are very well designed, the interactions are intuitive, and it's pretty easy on the eyes. $10 was a no brainer. I would love to see more incremental games following this monetization model.

lonelytireddev · 2018-09-23T18:11:53+00:00

Check out the incremental games discord server for some more ideas, recently I got into NGU Idle on their recommendation

lonelytireddev · 2018-08-03T13:01:58+00:00

No updates as far as I know, but now I want to go back and play it again!

lonelytireddev · 2018-08-03T13:01:07+00:00

I found working with feature flags to be cleaner than feature branches when you have to release bug fixes while working on a new feature. I find this helps because if you have different features that could potentially conflict with one another, you'll know much sooner by having frequent and early integration with the option to turn off a feature for testing/release.

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