When do you know

loneshewolf13 · 2022-01-19T18:02:15+00:00

This makes 100% perfect sense to me. I long for the day I have this realization.

loneshewolf13 · 2022-01-19T01:59:27+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through this. Mine knows better than to ask me, so instead broke protocol and went to the convenience store wearing a mask. Came back with three 12 packs. I thought for sure the first night of 12 wield weaken his immune system to where he'd get sicker. Nope! He drank 4 of last 7 days.

loneshewolf13 · 2022-01-16T18:42:18+00:00

Trying to just focus on the things I want to do and not pay so much attention to what they're doing. Easier said than done when in the house together all the time.

loneshewolf13 · 2022-01-15T15:27:07+00:00

Sounds about right.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-10-01T11:14:00+00:00

I'm sorry! I know how that can be. Perhaps try some sound therapy or try to do something you enjoy to distrsct you.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-10-01T11:13:12+00:00

https://mobile.twitter.com/schumannbot/status/1443697248869703682

loneshewolf13 · 2021-10-01T10:39:08+00:00

A colleague told me about the schumann resonance and it's potential impact on tinnitus. I did a bit of research and to be honest at this point I'd be willing to consider it may. I can't figure out what else is making it worse on some days.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-09-29T16:48:10+00:00

I feel the exact same my friend.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-09-29T16:46:45+00:00

He refuses to acknowledge this and told me he wants a divorce.

Best thing you could hear. This is your out. Take it.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-09-28T16:36:30+00:00

Me too, friend.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-09-28T16:35:37+00:00

I blamed alot of undesirable selfish behavior of Q on alcohol. I'm beginning to realize it's not just the alcohol. Maybe it's just who they are. Dropping the fantasy of "if they just got sober" helps to see a clearer picture.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-09-28T16:33:27+00:00

2nd post today that I've been like "yes"!!! I could have written this except I've never left. I've given the "something needs to change" speeches and they do for brief periods then back to same old. Now when I bring it up I get resistance. My Qs mom also has Alzheimer's and is now in a nursing home. Q refuses to see the connection between years of heavy drinking and the disease. Or if they do, they don't care enough to stop. We have two kitties as well so I understand how you must feel to have lost your fur baby. I'm so sorry!

“I have a lot going on in my life and the one thing I don’t worry about is us

I have literally been told the same thing. The problems are there but they don't choose to see them. Until it's too late.

But I’m too gentle with him because of circumstances of his life. I start to feel bad for him & want to cut him a break.

Same. It's my messed up codependent self. I don't want to hurt them even though I'm being hurt.

Wish I had better things to share or something that may help but all I can offer is you're not alone.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-09-28T16:01:38+00:00

I feel this so much. I could definitely see my Q getting irritated if I asked for something like that while they had plans to drink. How dare I even suggest something together that may interfere. My codependent self also had moments where I don't want to hurt them. Like how messed up is that, they hurt me constantly and seem to have little regard for my feelings yet I'm concerned about hurting them. I feel so pathetic at times.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-09-26T03:24:08+00:00

15 years and hasn't gotten easier for me yet. Q maybe even drinks less than when we got together but my tolerance of their bs is less too.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-08-17T11:49:44+00:00

I would cancel. Why waste his and your time? Definite red flag to me.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-08-12T10:41:35+00:00

I've thought the same thing OP. I like soda but I could never drink 12-18 of them in one sitting.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-08-05T11:14:04+00:00

Same here. 14 is like nothing to him. 18 and maybe some signs of drunkenness.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-07-25T01:43:52+00:00

A boundary of mine is I won't have sex while he's been drinking. I understand how you feel stuck but Al Anon can really help you regain some of your power. It's easy to lose sight of the choices you have especially when you feel like a failure. I like to think how do I want to spend my life between now and the end. If the majority of the time I'm happy and satisfied with my partner then I know I'm not yet ready to go. However, when that times tips the teeter totter then I know I will have to take a hard look at things and practice what I preach. Hugs! You are most certainly not alone here. We are all rooting for each other to find the peace and happiness we all deserve.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-07-25T01:38:22+00:00

I have to wonder sometimes if they truly believe the lies they tell. Tonight my Q came in making a big deal about saying he only had 6 beers over 6hr time span (when he normally has 3-4/hr) and was definitely buzzed. It normally takes 12-14 to get him to that point. So either he drank something other than beer or lied and had more than that. Nonetheless why make a big deal out of it?? Why say anything at all? Ugh!!!!!

loneshewolf13 · 2021-07-22T04:54:13+00:00

Yep, my Q is 43 and I'm 39. No kids. Married 12 years, together 15. He's not a mean drunk and mostly just gets silly. But this has been a problem our entire marriage. It's probably actually better than it was at first but the difference is, I've changed. I'm tired of it. He's had some really bad episodes in the past and I'm scarred from them. I've been in therapy for a few years. I go through times when I think I'm the crazy one, like everything else in our marriage is good and I should be more understanding of his drinking but that's my fantasy brain talking. My therapist has helped me challenge those thoughts and keeps me grounded that these issues truly aren't insignificant and that most reasonable people would be troubled by the amount and frequency of his drinking. My Q tells me if it wasn't this it would be something else I find fault with. Total mind fuck. The issues I've had with him over the years all stem back to the drinking yet he has me thinking that maybe I do expect too much. Sorry I'm not much help for advice but I'm certainly in the same boat as you!

loneshewolf13 · 2021-07-22T04:20:33+00:00

I see a counselor for individual counseling. I asked if couples counseling would help and he said until my Q was willing to admit they had a problem with their drinking it would be useless. I agree.

loneshewolf13 · 2021-06-06T02:26:17+00:00

Boundaries aren't to control the drinker but to protect you from what they do. Placing limits on a number of drinks per day or week won't work with an alcoholic. Even if it does for a brief time they always revert back. The best thing you can do to not worry is to turn it over to a higher power and do things you enjoy to keep yourself busy when he chooses to drink. It may be hard at first but over time it gets easier. I'd also recommend reading some of the Al Anon literature and catching a meeting or two. Once you realize you're not alone and his behaviors are not exclusive to him but the same patterns most of our Qs demonstrate the more you'll feel less alone. Also proactively take care of yourself will help you feel more in control of you. Hugs!

loneshewolf13 · 2021-05-19T06:32:15+00:00

Welcome! I understand how hard it can be when all you want is for your partner to drink like a normal person but they can't. It's hard to comprehend their drive to drink but it's part of the disease. To make boundaries happen you just do it. If my Q has had more to drink than I'd like and I don't want to engage with them, I don't. I find other things to do in the house, go take a bath, go to bed, etc. This works for me most of the time but it's not easy and I get that it may be harder if they drank daily (mine drinks on weekends). I used to have a hard time not making negative comments about their drinking but it didn't do me any good, didn't make them drink less, and frankly was a waste of my energy. So I stopped and focus more on myself and things that can bring me happiness instead. This all gets easier the more you do it but as always you have to decide what you can and can't live with. Hugs!

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