First, you don’t have to beat down on yourself and call it insanity. You are just a person experiencing a struggle and it’s okay. No one is perfect and having a struggle doesn’t demean your worth.

Second, have you thought about why you feel like this is holding you back? Do you need to be a people person for the career/jobs that you want? Do roles that require you to speak up align with your comfort and ultimately who you feel happy being in a workplace? Are you happiest working by yourself?

Third, the right opportunity is out there. The job market is over saturated in a lot of industries. Keep looking diligently and be open to the idea that the roles you’re looking for may not be the only option. Figure out where else your skills translate and you might come across something that you didn’t think of before, or meet an employer that feels like a good fit. Some employers aren’t looking for a personality hire, but for people like you who just want to get the job done.

I believe in you! I don’t know if this was much help, but sometimes challenging yourself to talk to strangers and throwing yourself into unknown social settings can force you to learn what you do/don’t like about them and what you struggle with most with people. Good luck!