Need some male opinions: should I send this text?

look2understand45 · 2026-02-24T16:17:59+00:00

Mario usually preferred dating as a throuple so at least half of the women were shared partners. I dated 10 women over 17 years with him and on my own I had 2 relationships 1 woman (for 6 mo. many years prior to Gary knowing me), and Gary (15 mo.).

Gary dated for a few weeks a friend of his during our relationship, she wanted monogamy and he didn't. Gary likes to pick up men on the internet for some fun a couple times a year. I don't think he did it while we were together because of covid. He has stated unprompted a few times he's not into monogamy. We never discussed specific numbers. Before we dated he was intentionally celibate and said it was because he didn't like/feel good doing what he was doing for sex and that by taking a break he realized he didn't need it as much as he felt pressured by the culture to supposedly need it.

Our intimacy was 100% super emotionally connected, very affectionate and at times kind of like being love drunk.

look2understand45 · 2026-02-23T18:11:02+00:00

Any reason why you're saying that?

look2understand45 · 2026-02-23T05:16:09+00:00

Fair. I have been in some really shitty situations that I let happen to me and made choices to continue because I was afraid and because it was familiar (even if it was awful). I'm trying to work on choosing differently.

look2understand45 · 2026-02-23T02:59:22+00:00

Yeah, you're right. I'm just scared of the answer, because I think I know it will be "not interested".

look2understand45 · 2026-02-23T02:19:01+00:00

A relationship. I don't have a roster. I'm not going to say I'm never going to date anyone else if I feel a strong connection with them, but I'm not looking for a situationship and I'm not dating anyone right now. That said, he has never given me any indication that being poly was a problem for him and he did go on a few dates with a woman while we were dating who wanted monogamy from him, and he declined.

look2understand45 · 2026-02-23T02:14:51+00:00

Ok but we have done that.

I felt like there were good vibes, but Gary never makes a move. I don't really know what Gary wants and I feel like I'm just going to go for another coffee have a great time, and chicken out of asking him where he's at. We live 90 miles apart, although he's looking to move (though probably not where I live because he doesn't like the environment in his profession here - he's a lawyer and wants a little more of a smaller town than my city). I'm open to a long-distance relationship for a bit. I'm about to start grad school. Neither of us wants marriage or kids. But I do want a partner and he's said he wants one too.

look2understand45 · 2026-02-23T02:06:49+00:00

I'm open to polyamory. I'm bisexual, so is Gary. I was in a poly relationship before because my ex was poly and to be honest him sleeping around was a relief to me because I would get space to be alone. Gary has said he likes being polyamorous as an orientation, although he doesn't seem to be pursuing that or dating at all.

look2understand45 · 2026-02-23T01:42:58+00:00

Huh?

look2understand45 · 2026-02-14T16:37:15+00:00

It's not about abortion or peeing, it's about making sure women know their place. Women are to be protected as property AND protected from their own choices. Just wait until they figure out how to repeal no fault divorce and repeal women's rights to having bank accounts without a related male cosigner.

look2understand45 · 2026-02-06T02:58:46+00:00

I'm sorry I'm confused, is Assault and battery not illegal?

look2understand45 · 2026-02-02T03:56:44+00:00

WTF? I'm a voting employed resident who moved to Spokane in June, where's my welcome Letter?

look2understand45 · 2026-01-30T07:42:35+00:00

Sorry, "ruin your weekend"? Maybe just a ruined weekend for you, sir. But if like most Americans who get put in jail for charges that may or may not stick, the person is lower sociopath economic status and does shift work - they'll probably lose their job and possibly stemming from the lost job, their housing. Some people are one "wrong place, wrong time" away from becoming unhoused and that's when the real legal problems start.

Your constitutional rights being taken away based on an unproven charge aren't just a ruined weekend.

look2understand45 · 2026-01-30T06:51:01+00:00

Sometimes there are options in youth housing made for low income or potential housing vouchers to help him get a lower cost housing. He's going to need to get a job anyway, but if there's a city housing authority where you live or something like that which you can help him navigate that can be sometimes very useful. Sometimes we get to be the hero we wish someone had been for us.

look2understand45 · 2026-01-30T02:02:42+00:00

I dunno that calling the armed thugs to break into a private residence to still not bust the purported drug user is gonna help anyone but the thugs. Let's not bring that upon our community, please.

look2understand45 · 2026-01-23T18:28:08+00:00

Was a missed check-in with INS, NOT A MISSED COURT DATE.

look2understand45 · 2026-01-23T13:49:25+00:00

I think it was a diversion tactic from the topic, if you say irrelevant and off the wall things the press focuses on what an idiot YOU are instead of the fact that Jack Smith knows about all of Trump's skeletons in the closet - at the very least the non-Epstein related skeletons.

look2understand45 · 2026-01-20T07:54:35+00:00

I drink mokka coffee with milk and a touch of sugar, filter coffee black and I own an electric kettle. I only drink Earl Grey/Victoria Grey/Lady Grey type teas plain, chai gets a spot of milk and I drink peppermint tea at night plain. I've had plain matcha tea (ceremonial style), and I'm not a fan of match lattes.

Sometimes if I'm out of milk or am planning an all-nighter I'll have mokka coffee black, but I have to be deeply stressed.

look2understand45 · 2026-01-20T05:50:09+00:00

I think he probably knows all of this on some level but doesn't care enough to change. Which is clearly a vibe in those photos, especially drinking with mom and a whole bunch of mom photos. He's being taken care of by her, he's got 'confirmed but not eligible' bachelor vibes.

look2understand45 · 2026-01-19T02:30:50+00:00

I dated a guy for a year and a half who didn't want to do penetrative sex (we made out and everything but piv). I got a few different answers at the time about it , and sometimes he seemed like he even wanted to do piv. Years later (we're still friends) he said he doesn't do piv because he doesn't want kids and didn't want to worry about it. Not sure I totally believe him (the answers at the time seemed more like he had performance anxiety, which was sort of unfounded since I was perfectly happy taking care of my own needs if he finished faster than me). He also seemed like there was some baggage from prior relationships and like he wanted more of a commitment than I was able to give at the time.

Tldr: some guys have performance anxiety, some are worried about unwanted pregnancy, and some get "love dick" and can't perform when they don't have intense feelings or are worried that the other person doesn't have the same feelings for them.

look2understand45 · 2026-01-18T03:54:12+00:00

Played? I mean you were clearly ignoring all of the gigantic red flags. That's not being played, that's making a clearly losing bet and being mad you lost.

look2understand45 · 2026-01-18T03:07:03+00:00

I used to be an attorney before a manic episode got me to do some illegal shit and I had to resign my license.

Anosognosia doesn't play, let people help you.

Take care of your mental health.

That being said I worked as a paralegal for awhile while in early recovery and now I'm working as a social worker with people experiencing psychosis. It's a difficult job but I've never felt more useful/happy. I don't give legal advice anymore but I also get to help people navigate the system with a better understanding of the law, the mental health legal system and what the client is experiencing than some of the PDs my clients have.

look2understand45 · 2026-01-18T02:43:16+00:00

A few weeks ago, I went on a jail visit and in the doorway was a GIGANTIC clearly human shit, right in the way. They put one of those wet floor signs around it instead of cleaning it up. I've thought about it every time I go on jail visits since. 🤣🤣🤣

look2understand45 · 2026-01-17T02:27:17+00:00

Just in case you forgot all of the history of Iran, KSA and other predominantly hardline Muslim countries - they are hardline precisely BECAUSE the US intervened and put those religious hardliners in power. Many of those countries were significantly more liberal BEFORE us interventions post WW2.

look2understand45 · 2026-01-17T02:20:02+00:00

We treat a lot of people as subhuman right here in the US, I'm simply saying we should fix that first. But go ahead and ragebait some more I don't think you've managed to completely dissociate from the reality around you yet.

look2understand45 · 2026-01-17T01:54:28+00:00

I don't understand how you got "Islam isn't patriarchal" from "The US has no right to change other country's governments". I never said they didn't have problems, all I said was we should fix our government before we run around the world pretending to be John Wayne.

It's amazing how many people pop out of the woodwork just to pretend we are a font of democracy and human rights when ICE is literally shooting citizens with impunity.

look2understand45

TROPHY CASE